1. Home
  2. Forums
  3. Narcissist Forums
  4. All About Him Forum
  5. How to resist snooping on facebook

How to resist snooping on facebook

10 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Sep 15 - 10AM
KeshaN
KeshaN's picture

How to resist snooping on facebook

Me and my NH have had no contact for 1 week now. It is sooo hard because I am so used to him being around in my life. i have received some private calls but other then that when he wants to do something for his kids he contacts my mother.

So I have done well with not calling him or texting him. It is FAKEBOOK that I cannot resist looking at. His profile is public and I find that so funny. When we were together he kept his profile private and I wasn't even his friend. There were times that I was his friend but as soon as we got into it he would hurry and defriend me. He also used facebook to broadcast our whole relationship on. He has always been friends with all of his ex's as well and still is.

As soon as we broke up he immediately made his profile public...coincidence? Now I have the hardest time not looking at his page. Yesterday I looked at it and he had some poem on his status saying "Meeting you was destiny, you and I were meant to be...etc" It kind of stung me...he has someone else now and I am here alone!

How can i stop looking at his facebook?

Sep 15 - 12PM
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

Kesha

Um, how DO you do it? well, that's up to you. You have the control there. I couldn't STOP looking, so I had to ask myself, "Why do I keep looking, knowing that it will set me back WEEKS in my recovery? Am I serious about NC HARDCORE? How SERIOUS am I willing to be to NEVER have access to this man or he to me? I use to put up status messages everyday in my yahoo IM. He read those, even after I deleted and blocked! I don't know how he did it, but ..... Anyway, I got real serious about my NC. I disabled my fakebook altogether and surprisingly, my life has drastically improved without it altogether. It's just drama/disordered land and I can't go there, too toxic. I got RID OF EACH AND EVERY IM capability. ALL of it. I can pull all those things back up again in the future, but they are such triggers, I probably will not do it. Now i'm getting phone calls, with unavailable on it. I just don't answer. Largely, because he cannot see anything about me no the internet at all. I googled myself. Nothing. This is how serious I am about my NC and now I covet it like a treasure. It helps me feel safe from him. You have to be willing to let him completely go, that means anything directly or indirectly tied to him. And you have to stick to it. Blessings
Sep 15 - 11AM
Kukla
Kukla's picture

FB

Why don't you just block him on your settings? You will never see his page again and he will not be able to see yours. Simple really...
Sep 15 - 12PM (Reply to #7)
KeshaN
KeshaN's picture

No it is not that simple. I

No it is not that simple. I can block and unblock him anytime I want to and a lot of times i can't help but to be so tempted to look
Sep 15 - 12PM (Reply to #8)
spinning
spinning's picture

Well, then Kesha, I guess

you could toss your computer out the window... Temptations run through our entire lives. Temptations with these situations are detrimental to your mental health. It's how you react to the temptation that counts. One tip would be when you get the urge tell yourself you will wait for 10 minutes and if you still feel like looking you can. Try it 10 minutes at a time. Often small steps like that build on each other and when the 10 minutes go by you'll really have to think about it. Here's another thing I'd like you to consider. Did you like being 'stung' by manipulator's love poem? Chances are the answer is no. Let's pretend manipulator's FB page is like the fragments of a bomb left in your back yard. You went and picked up one of the fragments (looked and saw the 'love poem') and it blew off your little finger (you were stung). So how many digits, limbs, etc. are you willing to sacrifice just to peek at his 'Fakebook' page? When someone shared this theory to me when I was early in NC with my severely disordered one, it really got me thinking. When I felt like trying to make any sort of contact I turned instead to my writing book and/or this forum. I actually wrote several times "why would I want to have another finger blown off?" That alone was enough to stop me. I hope this helps. Most sincerely, (not) spinning. AND STRIVING TO STAY THAT WAY

spinning

Sep 15 - 10AM
Winter
Winter's picture

It was the toughest for me

In my case in was msn. I was fortunate and I found the way to not have access to his page. In your case it is definitely more difficult. If his profile was public, I would be in your situation. As confident as I could be to keep direct NC, as lacking willpower I am for not checking on him. I have decided do not check, but then in the moment of “compulsion” I did. And then blaming myself for not being strong enough, for being stupid and harm myself. What if you try to increase the delay between checking on him? Like you start once a day, then once a week, once a month... Also is there any way you can restrict your access to FACEBOOK? At least on your laptop? Can you investigate in that direction? I know it is technically possible. You can ask someone to put this site as a restricted and put a password on it. Good luck and courage to you!
Sep 15 - 10AM
freaked
freaked's picture

kesha, make a new facebook id for yourself

after you create a new email id... I am planning to create an entirely fresh email id and FB page which NH would never even know of...and I will request all my friends to migrate and add my new id to their list. Then i shall cancel this existing fb page...and forget about the Real Freak. I have gone through 1 day mental NC. NO snoopings today...and i feel a lot stronger. I think i may permanently stop snooping...I have found out what I need to know...no point in flogging the dead horse. I will restart my reading and listening to music.
Sep 15 - 10AM
naive46
naive46's picture

Kesha...you have to block him

I am not on here often but expect you'll get a barrage of comments about blocking him ;) It took me awhile to let go but blocking my N was the best thing. I can't go out and snoop anymore. I'd see his picture and I'd react every time (whether it was missing him or a day I was disgusted with him or myself). I had no choice but to break that emotional tie. I don't want to know anything anymore about his life. It's shallow and selfish and I have no doubt he continues to use women. So....the sooner you do it, the better. I blocked his cell phone number as well so he can't reach me and in a weak moment...I can't reach him either. It's no win. Good luck!
Sep 15 - 10AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Block him or cancel your

Block him or cancel your account! Looking = pain! Hunter
Sep 15 - 12PM (Reply to #2)
Better than ever
Better than ever's picture

I blocked him right after we

I blocked him right after we went NC.....I'm really not tempted for a few reasons.....The main reason is the fact it could be fake!!! The Narc could have met someone for two weeks, posted pics, status, etc....then it could be over and I would have been all upset over NOTHING!!! (He is nothing anyways....lol) I don't want to put myself through that....Why watch the HONEYMOON STAGE and then be absent for the reality portion with the Narc???? He isn't going to post the bad times.....we will never see that!!!