I AM MOVING ON

I want you to know that I wont be posting much on the board anymore, I will check from time to time and see how everyone is doing because I care about all the women on this forum and wish everyone a recovery that will not only heal you completely but will lead you to a better life than you ever imagined. I will keep my membership of course if anyone would want to private message me. I will offer words of encouragement in any way I can. I remember how devastated I was when I became aware of what he was and what he used me for, I remember thinking everything I had ever wanted in my life is gone, and I will never have faith in humanity again. I have lost much of my faith, trust and love in many things but in time I will gain it back, it seems that is the LAST thing that we regain after such a betrayal, much like a rape victim. I also am quite aware I can not let ONE disordered person that did this to me determine the fate for the rest of my life.

My 22 year old son approached me today and said, mother why are you obsessed with a web site on Narcissism? I didnt know how to answer him, he said it is not healthy, he then said do you think dad is narcisstic? I told him no, and he then said and even if dad was narcisstic mom what good what it do to to spend your life and time reading about the disorder? My son went on further and said, ok let me give you an example, my sister has a bitchy attitude, should I start a web site for all sisters that are bitches? Even though he is not aware of the dynamics and what the board is TRULY about he raised a good point, I see myself as a person more or less that was no more and no less than women who have suffered rape and/or deeply deeply violated. I think I have been afraid to actually MOVE ON with my life I wanted to stay in my world of being a victim, for awhile it was comfortable but I AM NO LONGER his victim, and I have to remove myself from that title and start living my life, I AM READY!!! There does come a time when we all must let go of what was done to us, because I doubt very much any of you women will be sitting in nursing homes still posting on this site. However we can only let go when we are ready and have gone through the process of healing.

If you were to ask me what words of great wisdom I have to offer I will simply say DONT make the same mistakes in your recovery as I did, STAY NO CONTACT and follow that course and if you do break NC you will learn from it, you will PAINFULLY learn from it!!!! For those who have children, I think indifference is the key to strive for, you will look back one day and be with a partner who shares a life you have always wanted and your xnarco-path will be so insignificant to you. I leave you with what I cant stress enough:

"You must remember at all times that the narcissist DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU!"NEVER FOOL YOURSELF into believing that some other woman or man is ideally suited to be with the narcissist in your life. His/her motivation IS NOT LOVE nor is it happiness.'

It is power and control!

It is admiration and attention!

It is praise and adulation

If you want to be with a disordered person that only wants power, control, admiration and attention from you and all you continue to give him is love, praise and adulation then you have found your man, behold the narcissist. He will slowly destroy everything you once were; he will betray you and psychologically damage you unlike anything you have ever experienced. The choice is yours.

In the end the only choice we have is to move on or stay and live a life with a PDI that is not healthy or normal. I tip my hat to you Lisa E. Scott and I commend you for bringing women together in their continuing search for truth and healing. I thank you and all the women on this forum with all my heart for helping me to move on to a better life.. X0X0,