i broke NC. :( now what?

These ladies are right in every sense of the word; the alien is full of toxic waste ready to contaminate you even more. Would you throw yourself in front of a moving train? Interacting with with him is just as tragic, you're living it now, and you’re conflicted and confused because you continue to read his worthless words. Who cares what his emails say? As someone pointed out their words aren't worth ch*t, they're just tools to get what he wants, which is control/supply, PERIOD. Delete the darn emails/text and don't read them anymore, they're empty just like him. How on earth do you suppose you're going to use this creature? I mean really, you can't! He has the "game" on lock, you're a rookie, besides that, stooping to his level...he got you again, imagine being as low as he is, he will grovel at seeing you down in the dust, I suggest you maintain your dignity and never consider lowering yourself under any circumstance, you're hurt and you feel making contact with him will ease the pain, trust me it won't, even that will be an illusion. You can love and miss him from a distance. Spend spring break having your number changed and educating yourself more about the disorder. So he says he love and miss you, good, he has that right, doesn't mean you have to act on it just because he’s saying it. Image is everything as well, he's betting on parading the fact he won his control back and got you, shortly thereafter you will be d/d it's not an answer of if, but when. He's not respecting your boundaries but then again why should he? He knows as well as you do that if you really were not interested in him contacting you he simply wouldn’t be able to...PERIOD. No need to go through an email exchange informing him not to contact, you're lying to yourself because if that was in fact the case, you wouldn’t be able to contact him just to tell him not to contact you, it's all just one big cat and mouse game, the best weapon designed is silence, the sooner you aim and shoot it, he's a dead duck, you have the power, you have the weaponry to win this war, surrender it back to him, you're going to be the dead duck...best wishes.

Hi i broke NC after 55 days, I felt so ashamed that i never came on the board for 2 weeks, I think we all do it, Its part of the learning process like Lisa said to me, I ended up in bed with my ex Narc though but the next day when i woke up next to him i instantly regretted it. He was being so ever so sweet and charming, But i knew it was all Bullshit!! I told him to get out and i had made a huge mistake by letting him in, And that i never could forgive him for what he had done and that i could never trust him ever again. I made a big mistake but it has made me even more determined to stay on that NC wagon. I got a great deal of pleasure telling him were to go, It made me feel like i was the one in control, And not him as he usually was when i was with him, The worm has turned so to speak, Am not saying break NC by any means, All am saying not all is lost when it does happen, x Hugs x

I remember doing this and it's a sickening feeling waiting for a response. Constantly and I mean constantly looking to see if he did. I would get so angry at "me" though because it's like I gave him all my power. I had the last almost pathetic word and he knew I was thinking of him so that's all he needed to feed his ego. He doesn't need to respond to that or he can take his sweet time and torture you to teach you a lesson. Mine would tell me often that I needed to be taught lessons. Now that I look back at all his crazy words and actions I don't know what I was thinking. This is why we need the time for no contact. No contact is for OUR benefit. It's to help us get out of the fog we were in. It didn't make sense to me at first, but now that I'm a few months out I see so much better. So please don't beat yourself up, but pick yourself up and don't dwell on what you just did. Just remember that everything you are doing now is for "you"!! Happy

Interesting because you have asked him to NOT communicate with the intention of opening up a dialogue as to YOUR feelings about NOT wanting to communicate. Also, you do focus on him & say you are "glad" that he's "enjoying" himself. If one does not want to communicate with a person then one simply does not communicate. And N knows this. Ns are master manipulators themselves, so he knows what this is all about. He knows you are thinking of him & somehow want something from him. So it's still all about him & what he wants & how he is going to respond. NC is actually about you & what you want. NC can be a form of communication in that the silence is a symbol designed to illicit some sort of a reaction. Ns know all about that, it's called the "silent treatment" which is designed to hurt the victim & get her to submit to his will. So NC can also be a way to get the N to miss the victim, reflect upon his bad behavior, and change because he's decided to mend his ways to be with the woman he loves. Well if this is the point of NC -- it ain't happening. And if you are NC because you are finished & fed up with N. You won't really care if he responds or not.

Anyway you are aware of the fact that, it does not matter which type of contact, it does not matter what the response is, he is TOXIC, he will HURT. It's that simple.

And get back on the wagon...that's it. I've slipped...the reality is...they use people like objects. We have to be the ones to draw the line. They'll let it go on forever if we let them. The interesting thing here though...or the empowering thing is that when we really think about it...we are the ones in control...for they can only go as far as we let them...regardless of their game. Don't beat yourself up...start shoring yourself up...and try not to give into the temptation... Hugs

I've broken NC more times than I can count and each time I end up regretting it. Every single time! It always ended up hurting me more than hearing nothing. Even when it was sweet and he was telling me how much he loved me and missed me eventually I figured out that was all BS anyway. He didn't mean it. He just wanted control back. Now you are back at to day 1 and that is OK! We've all been back to day 1! I have such a hard time with it that last night I started reading and reading all I could about NC and learned a lot! -I don't have to sit around and wait to see if the phone is going to ring anymore. Even if it does it doesn't matter. I'm not answering it. So the stress of waiting is gone. -I don't have to listen to him talk about how wonderful his life is and how wonderful he is. -I don't have to listen to his lies -He can't make me feel like a sex object if I don't answer the phone. -I'm not a yo-yo going back and forth if I don't talk to him. -I see things more clearly when I'm listening to him twist things to make him look like Mr. Wonderful! -I am not supply for him if I don't answer -I feel so good about myself when I stay NC -The best one is he HATES it when I ignore him! HA! Like you said, I want to hear from mine too but my life is so peaceful when I don't. Don't beat yourself up for breaking NC! I feel like each time I have to start over I get stronger. Stay strong! Sara

I knew you would. You know why? Because I did it too. Since I've been there done that I try to prevent those after me not to ahead of time. Well…. you did…. so….. Let' play the narc game, You have 3 very probable options. My guess is... he devalues you or asks to get laid, It is the weekend. Keep us posted. Try real hard not to talk to him. Watch what happens, It's very predictable. Hugs Idealk

Don't beat yourself up. The good thing is at least you said you didn't want him to contact you anymore. And you were polite and dignified. You weren't begging him or wanting to see him. It coulda been much worse. Keep your head high. No matter what he responds with, niceness, cruelty, or no response......just DONT respond back. Whatever he says will be BS anyways. Leave it alone now. All is not lost because you sent that. Stay strong! XOXO

I think I was 17 days NC when I broke it. I texted him demanding an apology for all he's done to me. He texted back that he was sorry and then I went back to nc. I regret texting him. I was low when I did it but whats done is done and i can't take it back. Part of me is a little happy i broke nc because now he thinks i am playing a game so he is now participating in the nc as well. It really hurts that he isnt trying to talk to me like he was the first time i did nc but im sure in the long run this is better for me because he isnt giving me a chance to break down and text or call him. i would just make myself look even more pathetic at this point. It doesnt matter how he responds to your email. If youre lucky he wont respond at all. Just start over at day 1 and tell yourself this time you mean it and you are going to stick to it. I am getting sick of everything and I think you will too if you just stay away from him. Hang in there