I can't believe it's finally my time to post this

But I want to thank all those that has supported me during this hell I went through, I only found this forum in a later stage of my breakdown after being released by my ex-N, but it carried a significant weight in keeping me fighting and alive.
I especially want to thank Truth (you are trully an amazing person), (not)spinning and deirde. You made a special impact for me in your kind, compassionate and smart replys.

I am truly healing, I don't wake up crying, hell..im not crying period. Thinking about him with someone else doesn't make me feel like I want to die, it makes me snort in contempt for him that he lost someone as loving as me.
I see him for what he truly is, a spoiled 5 y/o brat that thinks the world revolves around him and bathes in admiration for every fart he makes, in the body of a grown man (my mom calls him mosquito with glasses :P ... she doesn't know how methaphorically correct she is).
I am working on my life now, recognizing where the holes are that allowed this snake to slither his way in. I have started going to the gym and hope to even start going to school again (and be depressed that everyone there are so young lol).

To all those still stuck in the pain, I say to you - this too shall pass. I was in the lowest point of my life, I almost got myself hospitalized cause I wanted to end my life. I starved myself. So I know the pain, I know how bad it can get, and I'm here to tell you it can also get better!
The thing that they keep telling you here is so true, you sometimes don't even know it until you're a bit out of it, but you DO have to shift the focus. Easier said than done obviously, I obsessed about him and the OW like the next guy, but once I stopped, once I faced the harsh truth- that's it's either sink or swim, I chose to swim. So row row row your boat as far away from this narc as you possibly can. He doesn't matter, he just conditioned your mind to think he does. See beyond his programming, it's like a drug.
I am not 100% over the hurdle yet, I have my moments where I hate his guts and hope he drowns in one of those baths he likes to take when he's upset (i can hear the violins from here ;) ). But I don't think about him half the time now, which used to be obsessing about him every waking minute and also dreaming about him. I no longer see his pic and think "I love you so much", I think "I used to love you, you dumbass". So things can change for you too.

I am here for each and every one of you with love.
J.

Thanks again.