1. Home
  2. Forums
  3. Narcissist Forums
  4. The Path Forward Forum
  5. I hate him

I hate him

16 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Nov 5 - 3AM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I hate him

Im so mad I engaged in the IM ....so mad...so mad i didnt log off before he could blame me for it all again....and im posting here so i dont call him and blast him...because that is what he deserves!!!! He deserves to be blasted.

If i ever ever doubted any of it...he is the same narc if not worse...same stuff, same exact pattern...being nice and then whamo right in for the kill and then he vanishes.......poof!!! I guess it makes him feel great that he had to tell me yet again why he blocked me.

and he kept saying that he can read...and knows that I maligned him (i have no clue what he is talking about) i did send emails to one woman that was friends of both of ours..but it was just telling what happened...not maligning him but i stated the truth...that was it.

I told him i was too hurt the last few months to do anything at all..to malign...and he twisted it around and said that i maligned him because I was hurt. Then he kept asking if I had a guy and hopes he is nice (does he think i can date after him OMG)

The usual pattern is he acts like this and then apologizes...but i doubt that will come and actually it cant since he is blocked...

I guess he tricked me yet again into believing all was well.

Oh and he wished me a belated happy bday (the nerve)

He never will see that it is him...that he had some part in the whole entire thing too...not just me. but again he vanished before i could bring it up.

Im so angry with him...and wish i knew what he was talking about how he read something.

He is back to his old strange ways...smoking cigars and stuff...and just that odd behaviour he had last Feb...like he is some other person...so odd.

Nov 5 - 7PM
kako (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

hating

Can totally relate to this - I also go through periods of intense hatred and then longing and then sadness then 'wow did all that really happen? It seems like a dream!' Guess these are the stages of grief in all their glory. Very hard to live through. So unfair how all of us were treated - so so unfair.
Nov 5 - 7PM
Empathy
Empathy's picture

yep myne too..

my ex N used to do the the smoking cigars bit and odd behaviour.... and says happy birthday via text and he loves me... IT ALL MEANS NOTHING. Just words .. empty words. IYOU MUST HATE him then learn to let go ... this is where iam now... done the hating bit... and trying to let go... I WILL Survive.
Nov 5 - 4PM
fairy wings
fairy wings's picture

no contact

“It's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.” This really resonated with me. I think I knew right from day one, however as I had never felt just like that around anyone before, I wasn't sure what I was feeling; just knew it was spooky. Five months in I had recognised patterns and knew things weren't 'right'; it took me five years and numerous attempts to 'bottle the feeling' and to stick with what I knew to be true and to finally leave for good. To reinforce the message of 'no contact' I changed my phone number, my job, patterns of behaving, places I went, my car and finally when he still managed to contact me a year later at my new place of work via email, getting the Police involved to give him the message I meant no contact.
Nov 5 - 8AM
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

destiny

Okay, so you got some stuff out of your system but as you can see it was only a vent, that is all. He will not care what you have to say, that's the sad truth. Nothing will magically "dawn" on him. And, he'll make it worse by saying awful things. So lesson learned, no more contact because it'll be just more of the same. I just wouldn't do the chat thing for a while, or tell your friends you're switching to another means where he won't be. Sorry you had a bad night. This is why NO Contact is so important.
Nov 5 - 7AM
4joys (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I had contact for a short

I had contact for a short while after my exN left. It made me crazy. I got sick of it. You will have had enough one day too.
Nov 5 - 7AM (Reply to #10)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

So true

"you will have had enough one day too" 4joys this is so true .I think im finally there too . I see him for what he is , a rather sad little man who thinks he is someone . It feels like a click in my head like a tipping of the balance . I can connect talking with him makes me sick not talking to him makes me feel better , it seems such a simple thing but it has taken nearly five months to get here .What a long hard 5 months it has been . If anyone told me what a strange collection of emotions i would have encountered i would never have believed them . He is ill and i cant fix that . There are new break throughs and new steps back every week or day sometimes but slowly im getting there . Big Love Scoop x
Nov 5 - 6PM (Reply to #11)
Monica
Monica's picture

Scoop...same here...slowly getting there

My "click in the head like the tipping of a balance" actually came yesterday. I still have a connection to him that cannot yet be broken but it is getting closer, thank goodness. He called yesterday (can't hang up him under these circumstances) and he was bragging about something he told someone very important, someone who commands respect. I was so appalled by what he told me he told this person. Even though I am fairly certain it is a lie, for him to even think it made him look "big" and important and powerful to say this...well, that was the tipping of the balance for me. Anyone who would say that to someone of such importance - or to anyone for that matter - was not worth my time of day under any circumstances. After that, it was the first time in a year and a half that I didn't miss him one iota, that I truly hated him, that I was ashamed of myself for not seeing his complete and true nature a lot sooner. You were right..he thinks he is someone when he is NO ONE and NOTHING. A sad little pitiful man. Well, hardly a man, I should say. Sick and I cannot fix him. No one can. This was the biggest step forward I have had in a very, very long time.
Nov 5 - 6AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

NO CONTACT!!

see: http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/11/05/was-what-i-emailed-xn-horrific ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help
Nov 5 - 10AM (Reply to #2)
itreallyisabouthim
itreallyisabouthim's picture

"Then he kept asking if I

"Then he kept asking if I had a guy and hopes he is nice (does he think i can date after him OMG)" Cruel. Inhuman. This one in particular gets me. Mine tells me that everyone has issues and I will find out when I start dating that he was really a great guy. Just so wrong on so many levels. But mostly what you wrote- that they have no idea what they have done to us!
Nov 5 - 11AM (Reply to #3)
time_to_move_on
time_to_move_on's picture

yup...

they are all the same. Trying the same tricks/lies. Mine would say, "I'm not that bad you know" Or his favourite... "all my friends email their exes and say they are sexy" (I'm paraphrasing slightly but that was more or less what he said). Mine would remind me how lucky I was. Hmmm. Right. [EDIT] And to add... yes, it's all about the NC. When I stayed in touch with mine it was like slowly ripping off a plaster, ongoing torture. You just have to be sharp, brutal, in order let yourself heal properly (and this is one thing that's all about you, not the narc.. for once). Every time I had contact I was either crying, upset, hurt, thinking it was my fault again. If I ended up raging I then felt I was becoming a psycho (and he loved to tell me how nasty I was). I now journal, come on here and avoid. You can do this Destiny.
Nov 5 - 12PM (Reply to #4)
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

thank you everyone for

thank you everyone for making me not feel so alone in this mind boggling experience. I'm starting to think this is why my therapist was confident i have made progress....I think he saw that if contact was made...i would stay in the moment(for most of the IM i did just that) he did fluster me towards the end...but for the most part I did ok. for a person who blocked me everywhere he sure didnt block me on IM....what a poor lost sole he is...he now has to dress differently and smoke cigars. they really dont get what they do to us..he thinks i am out dating and then a few times told me not to be sad he wants me to be happy....he doesnt get what he did....he wont take fault in any of it. I am growing tired of his madness....he wasnt the supportive guy he used to be at all...not the guy that used to call me crying that he was so sorry either. the only thing i wonder about is he said he can read...so somehow he was sent something...but i checked all my emails...and none were bad...probably another twisted game. “It's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.”
Nov 5 - 1PM (Reply to #5)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

destiny

"he thinks i am out dating and then a few times told me not to be sad he wants me to be happy....he doesnt get what he did"... Shortly after my ex abandoned me, and then was trying to lure me back, he asked if I had "replaced him yet". Oh YES, I'm going out clubbing, partying, wooohoooo!!! They are totally dissolutional! Little did he know I could barely MOVE for the first few weeks. They are completely VACANT of anyone's reality but their own. Idiots.
Nov 5 - 2PM (Reply to #6)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

delusional!

they are so brain damaged (literally) and delusional they believe EVERYONE thinks the same way THEY DO! Psycho-Boy wanted me to "go out and date" or "just get laid" towards the end (in TOTAL OPPOSITION TO HIS 'I can't have sex with emotion' but by then I was completely brainwashed) He wanted me to go find a guy then come back and tell him what sucking another guy's **** was like, what happened, if I enjoyed it... JUST LIKE HIS HOOKER REVIEWS. He was REALLY peeved that I didn't. Of course I'd get a MORALITY LECTURE the next day from this PERVERT. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help
Nov 5 - 3PM (Reply to #7)
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

why do they think we are out dating

this is one of the things that is so beyond normal thinking. He thought I was with a guy because I didnt tell him who took the pic of me for Halloween. There is no logic there at all. His logic was if it was someone he knew i would have told him. And he wished me well with the new guy...when i have a chronic illness and really cant get out much at all in the first place...2nd he emotionally killed me... yea im out and about with new guy alright!!! He kept fishing for answers....like he always would....and i came right out this time and told him he was only doing so to get a reaction from me he didnt want to really know the answer. I thought I loved this man...ive been missing this man....but what is this creature i chatted with last nite...he has to be some alien ;-) I guess i better curl my hair and get ready for my HOT date!!! oh Barbara- XN told me once he had an xgf that would tell him in detail about her dates...who she slept with etc...and want to know all about his (umhmmmm somehow i think that was him telling her all about his dates) and what is with the appearance changes......is that a psycho trait too? ewwwwwww i loved this man...ick. I went out for a little bit today and i thought well...im smiling..im ok..i broke NC...but I can fall back to my normal life free of drama....unlike in the past where he was always calling etc. my life without him isnt so bad. (i will have to come back to this post when im having a down day) “It's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.”
Nov 5 - 5PM (Reply to #8)
itreallyisabouthim
itreallyisabouthim's picture

I guess i better curl my hair and get ready for my HOT date!!!

Yeah...you and me both, lol. Group hug!