I made a big blunder :(

24 posts / 0 new

#1 Oct 28 - 11PM

Sea

I made a big blunder :(

I open up the newspaper this morning and saw exN in it. Gosh something serious that would damage his career. I texted him to ask if he is ok. What a big blunder! I texted without thinking at all. Now i broke NC. He texted back he is ok. I will leave it as that. Go back redo my NC. I really want to kick myself!!! Argh!!

Sumiko

#2 Oct 30 - 1AM

Gaia

Its okay Sea

Everyone else said it better than I could, hang in there sister. As for me, I dont know if something is wrong with me, or I am so angry and hurt..but I am like, if he was alive or dead..I DONT CARE!

#3 Oct 30 - 2AM (Reply to #23)

Sea

Thanks Gaia

You might be at anger stage. I was like that for a few days also. I learn that its part of healing. Let it out but dont revenge. Most importantly forgive yourself. This stage will pass. Take care and NC.

#4 Oct 29 - 5PM

Journey

Hi Sea, like Hunter says,

Hi Sea, like Hunter says, just get back on that NC horse! I did the same thing as you awhile back when narc was in an accident. I emailed expressing concern. He replied much as yours did and luckily for me it changed nothing. It's hard to stop being human and reaching out at times when we feel they are suffering, so don't be upset with yourself. NC is not always on a straight line anymore than healing is. Sometimes it zigzags a bit and that's okay, it's more about the intention of self protection NC gives you - that is after all the reason it is so important to maintain. Stay strong!!

Journey on...

#5 Oct 30 - 2AM (Reply to #21)

Sea

Dear Journey

Thanks for sharing your experience, i rem reading about your exN accident. It almost feels natural to reach out in extreme crisis that you know is real not a type of hoover. I am now sitting back on the NC horse. I still wish he will get out of this crisis. The media caught this is a bad sign.

#6 Oct 29 - 4PM

Hunter

Ugh!!

Ok this is a Narc lesson.. Most of the timewhen NC is broken ... Silence is the typical response.. In this case you receive a response.. WHY? Because the question you asked.. Was all about him.. Unfortunately .. You opened the door my friend.. You wanted a Hoover you are about to get it.. I want you to prepare yourself .... Be strong and dont respond.. I hope I'm wrong.. You've been doing so well.... Get back on that horse.. We all do it.. Hunter

#7 Oct 29 - 9PM (Reply to #19)

Sea

Dear Hunter

Appreciate every word you said. Reality check time! Actually i have started to feel glad that he did not hoover after reading so many hoover stories here. Its nothing but a pain. I will be brave to face it with a clear "out of fog" mind and 3 months NC under my belt. Easier said than done i know but since I open the door i will face it. Hopefully he is too busy saving his career than to hoover. He is back to silence so far. Might be embarassed that i knew about it and its in the newspaper. Thanks Hunter.

#8 Oct 29 - 7AM

Winter

Sea

The fact that you texted him is definetely not a big deal. The "big deal" is to ruminate and beat yourself about this now. Please, don't be so harsh with yourself. You have not done anything dramatic to regret it now. Look, few months ago while NC, I took the present that the narc left for me, thanked him by text and he texted me back thanking me for accepting his present. In my mind I was strongly convinced not to go back with him and I did not. I took his present out of politeness. I new it, my concious was clean. So I never beat myself for it. And I still did "count" it for NC. Love Winter

#9 Oct 29 - 8AM (Reply to #16)

Sea

Thanks Winter

Thanks for sharing your experience. You are so calm and gracious in how you manage the gift from the narc. I have stop beating myself. My saturday is calm and happy. :)

#10 Oct 29 - 9AM (Reply to #17)

Winter

Glad to know you are calm and happy!

Enjoy your narcfree weekend!

#11 Oct 29 - 12AM

Syren66 (not verified)

Not a big deal. That's kind

Not a big deal. That's kind of an obligatory response to anyone who's experiencing stress..."are you okay?"...Shit, I ask that of total strangers when I see they are visibly upset and I obviously don't have deep feelings for them. You read about it in the newspaper...he's probably mortified that he's being shown in a less than flattering light and is embarrassed that you saw it. Back to NC...but I don't consider it a big blunder.

#12 Oct 29 - 12AM (Reply to #13)

Sea

Thanks Syren

Yes his monosyllabus answer of "ok" reflects his embarassment. He must be very depressed. I will chant a prayer for him. Think that is all I can do.

#13 Oct 29 - 12AM (Reply to #14)

Syren66 (not verified)

LOL, why waste a perfectly

LOL, why waste a perfectly good prayer on that douche bag? Pray for some starving kids or cancer patients instead! You're very empathetic...so awesome...but do you think he'd gaf if you were the one in the newspaper? Just stop in your tracks right now and ask yourself that question...do NOT feel obligated to even feel sorry for him.

#14 Oct 28 - 11PM

Deidre40

It's not too big of a

It's not too big of a blunder...sort of an automatic response you had. You're forgiven! :=P lol Just get back to it. Beware though...he may hoover. He may take your contact as interest. I mean, they do think any and all contact...is somehow an invitation. But, you will be strong. I know it. :=)

#15 Oct 29 - 12AM (Reply to #11)

Sea

Thanks Deidre

Yes its almost a knee jerk reaction but still no excuse. Need to learn this lesson. Hoover hope not he is in deep shit now trying to save his 30years long glamour career. That is the core of his existence, his mirrored identity. Without it he will literally die. Wish him the best but have to remind myself it has nothing to do with me.

#16 Oct 29 - 1AM (Reply to #10)

Syren66 (not verified)

Deidre

I fkn swear...not only did we date the same guy, I'm beginning to think you're me! :D

#17 Oct 28 - 11PM

newbegginings

Sea

Hope you are ok and not beating yourself up to much. You didn't text begging him to take you back, I know it's enough for him to think you still care, but just as you said, leave it at that. Move on, you have done really well so far. You contacted him because you are a kind hearted soul, and it's hard to not reach out when you are concerned for someone you cared deeply about. Continue on from where you left off. Love Timtam

#18 Oct 29 - 12AM (Reply to #6)

Sea

Thanks Timtam

I still cant recall exactly what went thru my mind when i text him. Its just a knee jerk reaction. Yes it also means i still care for him. I shouldnt. Lesson learned. Whatever happens to him has nothing to do with me anymore. Anymore news about him, nothing to do with me.

#19 Oct 29 - 12AM (Reply to #7)

Amiee

You just showed him what a

You just showed him what a caring human being does...probably baffled him or went overhis head... :D

#20 Oct 29 - 1AM (Reply to #8)

Sea

He is disordered so he might

He is disordered so he might think that i am trying to laugh at his misfortune.

#21 Oct 28 - 11PM

bumblebee

Sea

It's okay - you recognized it and understand what to do next - go back to NC. It feels like you had a mental lapse or something, doesn't it? Back to NC it is - I read your posts and feel that you are so strong. I know you can do it!! :)

#22 Oct 28 - 11PM (Reply to #2)

Sea

Thanks bumblebee

I was shocked with the news that I just text without thinking. I need to forgive myself and move on. He didnt make it hard, just replied he is ok. Good case closed.

#23 Oct 29 - 8AM (Reply to #3)

into the light

It's okay.

Hi Sea, we share roughly the same number of months NC. You have shown us how clear-headed and committed to your healing you've been recently, and, like others here, I would regard this as being a humane response to someone you once cared about. As long as he doesn't pull you back into his control again, treat it as a one-off. Don't set yourself back by thinking those 3 months don't count and think that you're starting NC again from scratch. If you do that it would be tempting, perhaps, to follow up with more texts. I'm curious about the prayer chanting. Is that about wishing him well, or praying that he will leave you alone? I am so bitter I know I would pray for mine to get what's coming to him and that he only suffer himself and not hurt others. Love x

#24 Oct 29 - 9AM (Reply to #4)

Sea

Hi there

Thanks for sharing your thots. The narc not in the mood to suck me back, he is in big trouble now. Infact he has never hoover as he is not the hoover type. I should be able to go back NC. I am buddhist so i chant prayers and meditate in temple. It helps in my healings. The prayers i chant are mostly of mercy to the narc. I can feel his hellish pain everytime i chant. It is a sad thing. I dont recommend new starters to chant for narcs as they are toxic might bring negative impact instead of healings. Hope this helps.

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