i need some reminders

13 posts / 0 new

#1 Feb 17 - 10PM

fierflie

i need some reminders

of how you can never expectthem to change. mine is trying to hoover me out of filing a law suit against him for beating the shit out of me with a belt four months into our marriage. he's an attorney, so domestic violence makes him look kinda bad, ya know?
anyway, can you guys remind me abou ttheir pathology so i don't cave?
i give him NO supply. I do not talk ot him, do not answer his texts or sacharine emails except to respond to matters relating to spousal support and the like, however, it is getting to me. here is his last email:
can we please try to lighten up some ? why dont we meetup somewhere nice in this gorgeous weather

i realize that us agreeing to live in the same place was a mistake. i believe it has been an impediment to healing for both of us. i just feel its worth discussing. i want to be happy. i want you to be happy. believe it or not it makes me happy to see you happy.

i havent seen u smile in a long time. i havent smiled in a while either.

so best wishes and i hope to hear from you.

Yeah, the double spaces are from me copying and pasting. he always double spaces, creepy huh? guys please cut me some slack about having to come home for clothes and stuff.i really really need your support. i have been so strong and holding no contact in the face of major hoovering. please help me stay strong!!

#2 Feb 19 - 5PM

fierflie

they are so predictable. you

they are so predictable. you were all right. after me ignoring him he slinked back into the night. he made an abrubt 180 to coldness. its only messing with my mind just a little bit. at first, of course, it made me want to reach out but i'm not going to. thanks for helping me

#3 Feb 18 - 10AM

Alive

come

on lady, you can do it. My thoughts and prayers are with you x take care of yourself you deserve so much more.

#4 Feb 18 - 8AM

Hunter

Delete,Delete,delete. See

Delete,Delete,delete. See That's all you need to do. Thats the Chemo for the cancer. Have an Ideal Day

#5 Feb 18 - 3AM

Scoop

A long time ago , way befor

A long time ago , way befor you came along when this man was a child he learnt to feed himself and put his socks and he was doing ok with his development , he learnt to count and write everything seems fine ... but that little boy missed out a very vitle stage of development and its this one ... at about 3 or 4 there is an experement you can do with children to check how they are progressing and what you do is sit oppisite them and ask "what can i see?" a child that is maturing nicely at this age will say "you can see me "... but a child who isnt at that stage yet will tell you what THEY can see ie YOU . A narc never got this stage of development properly and he takes "what he can see" into adult hood .Everything will always be about "what he can see" it will NEVER be any diffrent purely because you can not go back to his childhood and change how he developed . There is no known counciling for this disorder , if they miss a stage of development it is gone for ever , it can not be slotted in now . Fierflie it is so hard for a normal person to understand this disorder .. its almost impossible to get into the head space of the dissordered .He is emotionaly handicaped . If you saw someone in a wheel chair you wouldnt expect they to get up and walk normaly ? if you saw someone with down syndrome you can not expect them to be a doctor . Some one with a personality dissorder can not expect to be a caring husband . Heres what you can expect from a disordered husband ,abandonment , ridicule, belittling , shameing , inconsistancy ,abuse , and violence and the reason is they never learnt to see what you can see . Big love , move out , keep nc . and i will make a prediction , if you keep nc for a little while longer he will be forced to let that mask down again and he will change tatics with you , Mr nice guy will be out of the window and you will get the comformation you need that all you are seeing now is one big show . xx

#6 Feb 17 - 11PM

gettinbetter

Fierflie

Im confused... I thought he found out that you go by fierflie and thats why you had changed your username. Girl you are scaring me as I am afraid that the freak is reading all of your stuff. So why did you go back to fierflie?

#7 Feb 17 - 11PM (Reply to #8)

fierflie

i thought he was too. i founf

i thought he was too. i founf it on the histroy trail, but it was me. i was being paranoid, thank goddess. he's too self involved to read my posts or spy on me i think.

#8 Feb 17 - 11PM

sara-smile

What a jerk!

He's only doing this so you won't go through with it! Mine does the same thing! When I threaten to have him fired he turns on Prince Charming and then begs me not to hurt his kids by taking his job! Idealk told me tonight that it's either him or me! I want it to be ME! You do too! These idiots put their best mask on when they feel threatened or want us to do something for THEM! Remember....it's all about THEM! He is trying to keep his ass out of trouble and looking like an idiot when this goes to court! You've done great so don't let his FAKE lying email get to you! Hugs! Sara

#9 Feb 18 - 10AM (Reply to #6)

mystwoman

Fierflie, sara-smile is

Fierflie, sara-smile is absolutely correct here. He's only being nice so that he can get his baby way, and NOT have you go through with the lawsuit. You can bet your bottom dollar that the second he realizes that he's not getting what he wants, he'll turn back into the same nasty, abusive jerk that's he's been all along. Xnh did this to me when I filed a harassment complaint against him at work. He was sweet as pie and would NOT leave me alone, until I filed the complaint with management. Then he turned hostile and nasty because "I got him into trouble". I'm not really sure how xnh's following me into work each day saying "hi", coming into my office every hour to "see" me, and sending me over 50 emotional emails using company accounts (he vacillated between "caring", hostile, and whiny in all of them) equates into "my" getting him into trouble...but whatever. All of this was AFTER the D&D, divorce, and I had told xnh to his face that I want NO MORE CONTACT with him. Xnh wanted his baby way (suck me back into his realm apparently so that he could destroy the rest of my life along with the past 16 years). Instead I filed a harassment complaint, and he FINALLY leaves me alone at work. He knows that "I will get him into trouble" again, if he contacts me in any way. I'm done, and want NC. My best advice to you would be remain firm with your NC until you move out, and completely ignore your xnh. Then proceed with your civil suit. His "nice" is just an act to get his way. He beat you and mistreated you. IMO, he should suffer the consequences for his actions. Hugs.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

#10 Feb 17 - 10PM

stillnotconvinced

OMG, he beat you? Beat his

OMG, he beat you? Beat his ass with a lawsuit; don't back down. Stay strong! Take care of YOU and protect yourself. You are worth it; that sleezebag is not worth your time; so don't go reading into his emails too much. Definitely hoovering big time. "Gorgeous weather", ha, and I just posted about narcs and warmer weather lol.

#11 Feb 17 - 10PM (Reply to #2)

fierflie

i think my story is under

i think my story is under kiwi10's story. warm weather? i should read that. thats too funny :) what is the post called?

#12 Feb 17 - 11PM (Reply to #3)

stillnotconvinced

I posted it just a few min.

I posted it just a few min. ago, it's called "Be Careful of the Warmer Weather..." I will check out your story. I should have been in bed 2 hours ago but another post I made sheds light on why I can't sleep. Today sucks:(

#13 Feb 17 - 11PM (Reply to #4)

fierflie

i'll look for your other

i'll look for your other post. thank you everyone thank you sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much

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