I need your support

Once again, thank you Barbara. All your posts will be of the greatest value tomorrow, however one point is going to stick with me above all the rest; the fact that women don't leave because they know the violence will escalate when they try to do so. When in the early stages of my relationship I was told, 'it always escalates I didn't understand why', then as I worked it out and monitored it escalating I knew why. I was scared to leave because he threatened to not only kill me but also those I cared about. I won't go in to personal detail because to be honest I have just been thrown back to the fear I endured, however I will devote the rest of my life to this work while woman continue to suffer and agencies (even Women's agencies( fail to comprehend that the threats of escalating violence and possible death are real and a huge barrier to women leaving. When I worked in front line work I took enormous risks for the women I worked with in order to support them get to safety if this was what they chose, however as you point out they were only ever as safe as the systems of support. Society does not hold the perpetrator accountable and the abuse will not stop because she leaves (I know!)If the Police or the courts do not give the message that they take it seriously why will anyone else?! If I had my way anyone who was violent to their partner would have to go on a perpetrator/rehabilitation programme and they would not get to see their children until this was completed. In fact I would also introduce parenting classes at school along with 'respectful relationships'. I totally agree patriarchy still rules, it even rules through psychology and the so called intervention programmes that do little to support and empower women as victims of crime. I love the analogy of the slave in the field. I often refer to men returning from a war getting sympathy and support if they suffer with PTSD, whereas if women suffers from the same post DV, people will tend to lay at least a percentage of the blame at her feet for not leaving sooner. In my experience every lecture I deliver someone will ask me about Stockholm Syndrome or Bidermans chart of coersion, however no one ever takes the fear seriously. I recently spoke to a woman who phoned the Police because her ex was shouting abuse through her letter box in the early hours of the morning. He was drunk and he had a previous record of violence against her. She was in the house alone with a toddler (who was in bed). She phoned the Police and two officers attended. One took her ex in the car and dropped him off two streets away next to a pub and a phone box. The other officer went in to the house and said to her, 'he only wanted to talk to you love'. The minute they left he phoned her from the phone box, called her a slut and a whore and told her she would pay for it, for involving the Police. She daren't phone the Police again because she had no proof of anything, but her fear of being harmed was so great she just sat trembling, in the dark for the rest of the night. There still seems to be a perception that women don't know their own minds, need calming down/restraining for their own good at times, are overly emotional, hysterical, over reacting. Even other women buy in to this nonsense!! Why does everyone seem to overlook the fact that leaving is a hugely dangerous affair and (here in the UK) two women a week are killed by partners or ex parters. I will tell the tale of the slave tomorrow to illustrate why it is actually sound reasoning to stay put or to be quiet and to hope that by doing so the situation will becoem more tolerable.Thank you.