I want to be free

Am feeling angry, rejected and just plain blah. Have kept no contact for a while now and have felt quite strong and empowered. Still think a lot bat him. Mainly how he just abandoned me and kids in the way he did. I am angry at him, OW, his own family and myself.
I am angry at him for obvious reasons. I am angry at OW because she has acted so smug and self righteous through all of this. I am sorry but I can not wait for her to be D and D'd by him. This is mean but I can't help feeling this way. She knew he was married with a family.
I am angry at his own family especially his mum, because I believe his own mum would at least try to make him see straight especially when her own grand kids are being neglected by her son. It's like every one lets him do what he wants to do.
I want to heal but I am having some bad moments and I just want it to go away.
No contact should be making this easier and I tell myself everything I should be telling myself and it works but then it all seems to hit me like a huge wave of sadness and anger again.
I feel defeated at the moment and I just don't know how to stop this madness in my head and heart. I don't want him but I don't know what I want anymore. Is he always going to be a thorn in my side. I find it really difficult when he swans in and does the fun dad stuff and as much as I tell myself the everyday moments are special, the kids seem to jump whenever he decides to take an interest in them however random that is.
Sorry I am just very sad ATM. Thought I was coming through. Thanks for listening.