I was such a fool

I just found out from someone that the XNBF had an online dating profile while we were still living together & planning out our future. I truly thought that after 2 years together & considering we are both older, we had "found" one another. I believed all the BS he fed me. After the DD, he told me he was looking online, but I had no clue that he was already out before we were through. And it seems that he is online every day. When we met, we developed the rs very slowly. We didn't even have sex for 3 months although we were together every day.

So what does this mean? That he can't find anyone? Or does it mean that he finds someone different every day? I know I should not concern myself. I've been good with NC, almost 3 months, but my heart still aches and my ego & self esteem are shaky.

Two of my XBF's contacted me as soon as they heard i broke up with XNBF. But I don't trust my judgement right now. I think they are both disordered as well. I'm not one who believes in going back. Well golllllly G Sergeant Carter.
I think I'm onto something. I wonder if I will ever trust myself or be able to be open with a man again.