Innocence's story

as a child i always admired my stepfather, for taking on someone elses children, providing food, warmth and shelter. As i grew older, i grew quieter and more anxious about what i was witnessing around me, i chose to hide away from the vial arguments, the drama which surrounded me everyday.

My mother stayed with him for 20 years, it took him three affairs, hundreds of rants, and her two overdoses to actually leave.

The man is a charmer, well dressed, charismatic, done everything, been everywhere, flown helicopters, is always right, from an outsider you would never consider the demons which lurk within, the vile spill which comes out of his mouth, the insults, the LIES, the fear he invokes in others. people cannot accept or imagine what he is truly like. He has no feeling, when you are on the floor crying hysterically, he will carry on tormenting, accusing, shouting and spitting. He does not give in, it could go on for hours, then the next day its all over..... hes all smiles and flowers!

He believes the world is his, he is everything... as he continuously has told me i shall never find a perfect man like him, they are all after one thing... sex... little does he know now that i have found the most kind and understanding man possible.

He used to tell me of his affairs, and make me keep it from my mum, say i was old enough to understand... at 15! He hated my real father, would slag him off to me, have a ranting session after i had spent time with him.

He has lost his family that he so knowingly destroyed, turning people away from one another, he forced my mother out of her home, and made her stay with him after finding out he was having it away with her best friend. My mother had no where to go, i watcher her for years be subject to abuse, be told she was fat, ugly, useless, pathetic, cold and frigid. He used to drive around in big flashy cars with his expensive suite, whilst she drove around in an old banger. Everything he ever did was a lie, he manipulated her, took her savings and bribed her to get out.

I no longer speak to him, i never will. I choose who i have in my life now, and unfortunately his actions have turned me into a wimp and a door mat. I have lost contact with family members who have been sucked in by him, but i no it is only a matter of time before he discards them also.

I know that through patience help and understanding i will put this to rest. No one can truly understand what it feels like to like with someone who has no love or feeling for 20 years, unless they have experienced it first hand. Therefore i give hope and sympathy to others who have addressed such utter misery and betrayal brought about by one person.

There is hope and good people out there. You'll only realize this when the tormentor is no longer in your life or trapped in your head. One thing i would truly say, is that Children should come first, they are innocent and need positive role models. If u live with a N or cant get rid of one, its not just you you are destroying, its your children, and their upbringing will affect them for the rest of their lives.