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inshock's story

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#1 Nov 30 - 9PM
inshock
inshock's picture

inshock's story

I have been married to a N for 24 years now. I have always known he was a mean man, but I loved him, had his children and was told daily how lucky I was to be his wife. He controls every aspect of my life and my childrens lives. He is 13 years older than me, I was a single mother with no money, and he rescued me. This is his specialty, he loves to save people, but you really pay, he wants you to owe him.

His words are so vile you can taste what he says, he hates most people, he knows everything, everyone else is an idiot. He is extremely successful. He bullies everyone in business.
He drains the life out me daily, I don't have the energy to leave him, he controls all of our money. Every time we fight he uses my children against me, he controls their hobbies, cars money. They all work for him.

He has turned my children against my family. If I leave him I will lose my children, they are 21 & 22 years.( my 26 yr old left years ago) I am scared of him, he will ruin my reputation, even though NOTHING he says is true.

I know he has propositioned many women, and had affairs, but he uses women no one will believe. He has been sick lately, I have had to care for him, it is more than I can handle.

During Thanksgiving, when all of our children were home, he would be starring at me across the room, never moving his eyes from me, it unnerves me I think he is trying to scare me. I try anything to not be alone with him. Any suggestions?

He has had me and my children believing that I am the crazy one, this website describes him perfectly, I need suggestions please.

Inshock

Mar 20 - 4PM
angela0714
angela0714's picture

Don't lose hope

24 years of a man like this is a testament to your strength. I only had 6 years of mine and I'm surprised I'm still standing. Children instinctively know more than you believe they do. They know he is not a "good or kind man." In fact, they probably hate the way he treats you. But children...no matter how old....hate to admit that their parent is a "bad person." But NARC'S are bad people. As far as taking care of him, don't be too noble. Would he care for you, if you were ill? I know from experience that he would run for the hills and save himself. Don't think he has everyone fooled. My soon to be ex thought he did. Those that mattered most in my life knew me and couldn't stand him. When you leave him, most people will say "thank God." "I couln't stand him." You deserve much much better. Take care of yourself for the 1st time ever. You can have peace of mind. And that is priceless. Angela
Dec 2 - 8PM
sarahb
sarahb's picture

children

Call me overly optimistic, but I think your kids, even if they are a bit in denial b/c of the money he gives them, do realize what he is all about, and I am sure they love you and would not let him force them to do something like not see you. It is hard to see options when you are in the midst of it, but you do have options. it is the most wonderful thing in the world to be finally free of the N and his constant cruelty. Good luck.
Dec 2 - 8PM (Reply to #4)
inshock
inshock's picture

grandchild on the way

Thank you for your response. I live for my children as I am sure we all do. I have my first grand child due in March, they live 7 hours away, a great reason to leave!!! I know his attack will be vicious, but I am hoping I can cope better with a new grand baby to focus on. He is very suspicious, making lots of comments like you better love me, how much time will you be spending away from me etc...he tries to make me feel guilty like I am shirking my responsabilities by spending time with my daughter. I am trying to prepare financially. He controls everything, I do not have access to ny money, so I have to be creative for lawyer fees.
Dec 2 - 9PM (Reply to #6)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

inshock

if you hire a GOOD BULLDOG... they should go after HIM for a chunk of any lawyer fees... go for it! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem
Dec 2 - 9PM (Reply to #5)
sarahb
sarahb's picture

grandchild

A cute grandchild 7 hours away! That is something to look forward to!! and you will definitely need to be there a lot!
Nov 30 - 10PM
admin
admin's picture

welcome inshock

Welcome... - PLEASE go through ALL the pages on 'Message Board' as I have loaded it with articles and your questions have probably already been asked and answered many many times. Click through the pages and read what interests you. You'll get up to speed and learn a LOT. - PLEASE read the stories of others. This alone is one of the most validating things you can do. Far too many become completely wrapped up in their own drama... which just makes it all worse. - PLEASE read through our whole blog: http://allabouthim.com - chock full of articles about Ns and healing in the future, please read the Rules prior to posting, as well - listen to our free radio show - archived at: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/allabouthim - unfortunately, if you truly can't take it anymore, you need to start quietly taking some free consults with divorce lawyers and find out where you stand. Hire only a BULLDOG. A book called SPLITTING by William Eddy, Esq. will be VERY helpful - Please remember this board is NEVER to be used as a replacement for therapy. Please find a therapist and start going as SOON as possible for whatever level of PTSD he's left you with.
Dec 1 - 7AM (Reply to #2)
4joys4
4joys4's picture

Don't give yourself the idea

Don't give yourself the idea that there is no hope for you. Although it is very hard, you can free yourself from this abuse. Start seeing a therapist without him knowing it. A group for women of domestic violence would give you support. Begin making a plan. There is tons of information here for you. Read read read. I know a women who was under the worst case scenario I had ever heard, and she is finally breaking free. You will need all the support you can get, but you can do it.