It makes him look good.

I live only a few blocks from the N and am 3+yrs out after spending 5yrs in a crazy mixed up haze w/ this man. I am doing very well. I still take extra care to live my life outside his normal patterns to minimize the chances of seeing him. I came here to read today for the first time in a long time.

I needed to be here because recently, I have seen the N walking the dog of a nbor who is dying of cancer. I have also seen him at her house several times in the past couple of weeks. It appears as though he is helping her out - mowing the lawn, walking the dog, and who knows what else. She's been ill for several years and not doing well at all. I would expect she is in the final stages. She is probably 60ish. N is 51.

It all looks so good from the outside. What a nice thing for a person to do, right? And then my mind goes down the path of "What if I was wrong? What if he really is a decent person and it was all in my head? What if? What if????!!!"

I KNOW the answer is that it makes him look good. And that it makes him important. And that she is his secondary supply. And he knows I'm only a block from there. And he knows I've seen how "good" he is being. And I know that he doesn't care or think twice about me. And I know if I tried to explain it to anyone, they would think I was crazy!

And that's why I had to come here and post. Because surely taking care of a woman dying of cancer is a selfless act? Right? Yeah, right!