It's hard letting go. Help

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#1 Aug 21 - 9PM
ACgirl
ACgirl's picture

It's hard letting go. Help

I should know better. I have been a member for over 20 weeks. I broke NC July 5th. Though I haven't seen him (he asked me to, but I told him I was busy) I still shouldn't have responded to his texts and emails, but I did. I tell everyone else to be strong, and yet I did not listen to myself. He has been texting me everyday then suddenly last week he stopped. After a week he texted and said he ran a race. I went to the race website and saw he ran with that bimbo he was cheating on me with last year. Okay. So I wrote him a very kind email saying that it hurt my feelings when he just dropped out and that I am still in love with him (I know, I know, I am such a jerk). The next day he sent me a TEXT, not an email saying his leg was hurting from the running and...."sorry but I have been on a business trip flying for the past 4 days". That's all he said!! How cold. He completely ignored my feelings and gave some BS reason why he dropped out. I have been with him for 5 years and it NEVER mattered when he was out of town. We always spoke everyday. Even just 2 weeks ago when he was on a business trip he texted me 2 times a day. Does he NOT even remember TWO WEEKS AGO?? Anyway, I wanted to respond to tell him so many different things like...don't you get it, we were together for 5 f'n years, have you forgotten everything, but I recently read a post where someone said that silence was the loudest sound. Is that what I should do? Would silence be the best response? I must tell you how angry I am right now. It's like....what happened to his memory? He was the one who had been texting me several times a day for the past month. Then when he suddenly drops out and I tell him a feel bad he gives me a stupid response? Is he just f'n with my mind? Anyway, is silence truly the loudest sound? I need some relief. I feel so sad. I keep getting pulled in. And I am stupid because I can't seem to let go.....though I know I should. xoxo ACgirl

Aug 22 - 4AM
tica
tica's picture

he hears your silence

hey AC girl, it's so great of you to be so upfront about how we all get pulled into crazyworld with the narc...YES...IGNORE him...nothing drives him more crazy, and only then does he actually start to LISTEN...if you really love him...stay NC..it's the only way he can feel a narc supply injury, during this time is when he will question his actions and refelect on you...that being said...sorry, but they do not change!! We are the ones who change, he will just move on to another supply and keep tesring the waters to see if you are still shallow enough to be played or if you have gone deep and he has lost you...be the one who got away..consider it a blessing...don't look back, your best days are in front of you...starting NOW!! peace and light~
Aug 21 - 10PM
faithinthefuture
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You are not stupid

You are not stupid for one second ACgirl! His text sounds typical for a N. Not about how you feel but what he's going thru. Oh his leg hurt...poor pitiful baby! Seriously they do forget unless it's something they want to remember. And then they remember it only how they want to remember it! You have to stop trying to understand their way of thinking. They don't think like normal caring people. You have to look at him and remember his brain and heart are truly F'D up. don't even try to comprehend where he is coming from because you'll go crazy. And to answer your ?. Remember the saying "Silence is Golden"? With a N it is soo true. They can't stand to be ignored and are just waiting for us to lower ourselves to contact them. They're too big to do that. And even tho they're waiting for it they will put us down and think we are pathetic because we did! Now that my dear is F'd up! I don't think like that and I bet you don't either. We all get pulled in over and over again until one day something will snap inside of you that says NO MORE! I'm done! And you will realize he will never change! Took me a long time and much heartbreak.
Aug 21 - 11PM (Reply to #2)
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

Silence is golden

Don't you love how all those sayings you heard all your life have so much simple wisdom in them now? Silence is a message for you both. I have done the same thing over and over again until I saw that even when I was at my strongest, the contact in general affected me in a negative way. Even if they don't do anything outlandish, your mindset as to what he really can do, has done, and can do, will do you in. After we know what they are, there really is no 'living' with it again. Consider it a big reminder and take heed. Sometimes we need reminders to keep us on the right path. We pay for those of course, but they also make us more absolute. You know the answer to your question as to responding or not. It doesn't get any better than this. It only gets worse actually. Stay strong. It's soooo hard. We all know, we've all learned the hard way, and we are with you there. Two steps forward, one step back, then two more steps forward. It's still progress forward and that's all that matters. almostlydia

almostlydia

Aug 21 - 11PM (Reply to #3)
faithinthefuture
faithinthefuture's picture

almostlydia

we will forever be scarred to what happened to us from being with a N. We lost a part of ourselves that we will never get back. I am learning to accept that. I do know I can be a stronger healthier person because of my experience with him. And yet never be able to return to who I was before. the experience will forever be in my heart. But I know without a doubt he will NEVER be welcome in any part of my life!! How sad to have believed in someone so strongly to now believe in nothing about them. Their loss!
Aug 22 - 11AM (Reply to #6)
Playedwithfire
Playedwithfire's picture

YES!

`We lost a part of ourselves that we will never get back. I am learning to accept that.` That is soooo true to me as well. But im not at the stage of him not welcome in my life.. it hurts to think he is gone but it hurts to think of if we stayed together. Playedwithfire

Playedwithfire

Aug 22 - 9AM (Reply to #5)
Susan32
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Why it was hard letting go...

At the time, during the D&D, one of my friends asked, "Why won't you let go?" My response was that the Psychopath in my life was a TEACHER. If he had been a fellow student, I would've dropped him like a hot potato early on. My ex-P was my teacher, so I naturally trusted him and thought he wanted to mentor me, that he actually cared for me. He knows I no longer worship the ground he walks on (I told him that on a Wittgenstein postcard I sent him 7 years ago) The fact that I didn't attempt suicide... that must've hurt him, and I hope it did. Oh, and that I'm happy and successful too. "How sad to have believed in someone so strongly to now believe in nothing"-What made my ex-P pernicious was that he mixed the truth with lies. His father's diabetes? That's true. His vacations to Europe? Those were false. After the D&D, I told him that I did NOT trust him, and to assume that everything he said were lies. He lied about his Wittgenstein book... he lied ON his lecture (he put "1998" on it when it was given in 1996) It's the worst kind of disillusionment.
Aug 22 - 12AM (Reply to #4)
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

If you look at the

If you look at the definition of 'extraordinary' I would say this was most definitely an extraordinary experience. I have much faith that extraordinary experiences produce extraordinary results. We just have to see what they may be. Maybe I don't need to be the same trusting person I used to be. Maybe I will dodge a huge bullet in the future because I am now much more reserved and cautious. Or maybe I have seen an inside look into a dark side of life that was the result of some worthless parenting that did not have to be. There is a silver lining here, it is what we do with it. This is of course after we manage to drag ourselves through it all. almostlydia

almostlydia