It'sAllAboutMeNow's Story

It all started about 3 years ago. I had just ended a 3 year relationship which was a volatile one itself but somehow my relationship with the exN hurt so much more. I met the N during what ended up being a 3 month break up from my previous boyfriend, at the gym I go to. He worked there and was very sweet and charming, especially compared to the other staff members. I had gotten injured during a workout and he was one of the staff managers so I went to him for advice that’s where the number exchange came in and his ploy to take over my heart started.

For the next year he would text me casually. I had gotten back together with the ex. I looked at it professional/friendly but then the texts were more based on getting to know me. One day I came into the gym with my son. The N was surprised to see I had a child, I assume this just upped the ante for him. A vulnerable single mother... PERFECT!!! When I finally ended it with my ex, the N started texting more and more until finally we went on our first date. At this point he had moved to another gym for work and proceeded to another gym by the time we were 8 months into our relationship. Interesting!!! I have read that N's tend to moved around because of the need for new environments and that people around them start to notice their peculiar behavior.

It was amazing. I had such a great time. BUT I noticed that most contact was through text messaging but throughout the day. The exN compared me to his mother and grandmother. I thought wow, what an honor. He made me feel beautiful, smart, sexy, funny, unique, I mean out of this world! When we were out, I felt like a queen. Every door opened, every chair pulled out, even little things like ordering my food (of course I chose what I was eating) and sugaring my drinks. I never felt disrespected when we were out. I mean he was a people watcher but nothing that ever made me feel uncomfortable like staring or gawking. I had never been made to feel so special by a man before.

Here’s a little background on him. His father left after his mother supposedly caught him cheating. The exN was 5 and his father never looked back and the exN is now in his late 30's. Although he was raised by a stepfather, whom he claims he's everything he could ever ask for in a dad. I lost my father at the age of 18 months due to death so I felt like we could relate, even though he denied being affected by his father's neglect. I on the other hand was honest about the affects of not having my father around.

Our first fight came about because I questioned him and the topic was trust. "As long as you are who you say you are, then I have nothing to worry about." He did not like that one. A few days went by without talking and when we did talk, the weirdness lingered through the next week. He claimed, "I've never been affected by a women like this before." Every time we fought, the disappearing act just got worse. I would show up at his place and let him know this wasn't okay and that we needed to talk. He seemed to understand and accept that he had communication issues. Then I would find out that while we weren't talking he would go out with his "best" female friend. I would see this woman at the gym. She was never nice before I started dating him. It was clear she was a very insecure and jealous woman. Come to find out that he never told her we started dating. She found out from one of the other staff member, with whom I would talk to. He was also very weird about my male friends. He fought with me once because I went out while we were fighting. If I brought up the fact that he did, he would say, "that's the past. Leave the past in the past and deal with today."

He was very private and was even weird about leaving me to stay at his place alone. I always thought maybe some girl in the past had really screwed him over. I got very little detail about his childhood experiences. His friends consisted of co-workers or clients over the last 5-6 years. No old high school friends. He seemed to not to care for his past much. He would text a lot while he was around me claiming it was clients and made it very clear that cell phones are private and we shouldn't have to check each other’s phones to have trust. If we need to do such a thing, then there isn't trust at all. His laptop was a weird issue too. Towards the end both his laptop and cell phone had passwords on them. This is because he knew I wasn't a compliant woman. If I felt something strange, I investigated it.

We broke up 2-3 times and then get back together a few days later. I would just get fed up and resort to that. About a year into the relationship, I had a health scare and he was lacking EMPATHY. I mean he lacked empathy when we fought but I just assumed it was because he was mad. I couldn't take it that point. The lies, private behavior, double standards, and now lack of empathy. I showed up at his place and basically told him to give me my things and sianara sucker. He tried contacting me two weeks later and I blew him off until 3 months later he started contacting me again feeling out the water and I fell for it. This is where it gets tricky.

The hook line and sinker was, "I thought I could just get over you and I couldn't. I think about you every day." And“ It was difficult for me because he had never dated anyone with a child.” My son and he had very little contact. I felt he didn’t need to be around my child until we were on solid ground. He wasn't very happy about that part. He told me that he messed up and should have expressed how he felt for me way more and regrets not saying how he felt like, "I LOVE YOU." Yes, he never said in the first part of our relationship. I didn't either. There are just some things I feel a man should do first. He told me he had never loved anyone like he loved me and all the other lines that would get my heart swelling and my panties in a knot.

This time around it lasted about 6 months. He was such a different person. Communications was better, I would stay at his place alone all the time. He was being very supportive with my schooling. Even buying me study material. He was surprising me with unexpected gifts. He leaned on my opinion so much more for things. He got a new apartment and would refer to it as "ours". I still had a hard time trusting him and he was patient with me regarding this.

Then we had a huge fight regarding his female “friend”, the one from the gym. Old feelings from my gut resurfaced about her. He went ballistic. All the work we had put into our relationship just went down the drain over her. From the day forward I just knew something was definitely not right and my gut had been trying to warn me from day one. I started digging and found all the evidence I needed to peg him for lies, infidelity, deception and that everything was a total masquerade. I held it in for almost a week waiting for the right time to confront him. He kept asking me what was wrong and I would just deny any differences in my behavior. I figured I'd let him squirm. When I did, he of course denied it and told me I was making a big mistake that I'd regret. I felt strong on the day I ended it but it felt like a ton of bricks fell on me the minute I opened my eyes the next morning. I couldn’t even go to work.. I was a wreck. The man that had been talking wedding rings and marriage just proved to everything but someone who loved me. It was clear that he was cheating the whole length of our relationship. What killed me was thinking back to the talks we had about trust and honesty. He gave me hell for things like getting a ride home from a male friend while out with friends one evening when he was out doing things that were way worse and unforgiveable.

He tried to contact me a few times and then that was it. Until two weeks later he had a female call me and threaten to expose private information about myself to my place. Of course he was trying to intimidate me. I sent him a formal letter letting him now that he needed to leave me alone or he would find himself in the middle of a lawsuit. That seemed to have scared his Narc behavior right off. This really convinced me he was wrong in the head. If he loved me as he said he did then how could he threaten my livelihood? I was devastated.

The more days that passed the more I realized he had NPD and that I had been a victim of this disorder. I'm still reading and educating myself and it's been a rough ride but I can see the strength I am building and it makes me proud. I’m struggling with missing him at this point but have had no contact for a month now and have not since the day I confronted/ended it. I realize that what I am missing is the false him he created. It wasn’t real. This experience has left a hole in my heart and I’m adamant about filling it. Not with another man but with growth and learning to love myself enough to not stay in a relationship like that ever again.

Reading the blogs on this site gives me courage and hope for a better tomorrow. Every woman on here should be proud of herself for coming this far and realizing what she had been dealing with. There are many women out there who are blaming themselves because they have no clue the type of monster they have/are dealt/dealing with. I hope these women can find the answers they need to grow strong and realize it isn't their faults either.