I've been cheating
I've been cheating
Ever since I broke NC a few days back I have been cheating by sending him messages through different email accounts that I open and then close and can't get back into. I want to be able to tell him how I feel, but I don't want to know if he responds (I'm sure he does not, but I don't want to know that, either).
This is my one avenue of weakness. I got rid of all his other contact info, but I know his email address by heart and can't seem to refrain from firing off a letter, or even a poem, here and there.
Not only does it make me look like a psycho, even worse, it continues to give him supply and the sense that he still has a hold on me.
I know I need to stop, but there is so much I feel like telling him and just journaling to myself or writing it here doesn't always satisfy my need to get it all out.
I realize that it's an exercise in futility, trying to get through to him on some feeling, human level...but I just can't seem to let it go. I am still in love with him and the thought of it being completely over forever just destroys me.
Tell me I'm being pathetic and need to stop!
You are welcome! You will
You are not pathetic but...
Man -- you're so right.
Dulci
Thank you, Sun. I really rely
Dulc, you have been a member
Sparrow, thanks for your
You said..."Tell me I'm being
Glad someone finally said it
Heh, Donesourcing and
Dulcinea.........don't fret.
Oh god, I'm glad to know I'm
Sparrow
Thank you, everyone. You are
Can you not just write these
Peeved, I'm now starting to
Even if you tell him what you
You're right. It does
Dulci hon....
Thanks for saying this, Sun.
He'll use this to "prove" how crazy you are to everyone!!!
You and Sun have hit the nail
You are not pathetic....not
Thanks, love. I needed to
dul, why do you want
spinning
Spinning, I think that I have
Even worse, I will write him
Sweetheart, you`re right to hate it!
Thank you, sweetie! I'm just
That`s the creative nature, Dulcie!