I've decided I don't give a shit

9 months NC and the hoovering still hasn’t stopped. I’ve had letters of apology, pleading texts, cryptic texts, a Facebook invite (after I deleted him), phone hang ups, a car vandalized, email account hacked, and other strange things I won’t go into. Not a bloody WORD from me about any of it – no returned texts, no indirect posts on Facebook, no smoke signals, nothing. Yet it continues. It’s as predictable as the damn seasons.

I’ve had it.

Last night I was overcome with an anger that I’ve never felt before. Because of HIS behavior, I’ve backed off of things that are important to me. I haven’t posted on this site for months. I stay off of Facebook in case he’s reading. In other words, I’m still letting myself be controlled by a person who made it abundantly clear he doesn’t and never did give two shits about me to being with.

I’ve never said a word about any of the “relationship” to any of our mutual friends or co-workers. The lies, games, gaslighting, controlling, cheating, mixed message bullshit that was my reality for a year was something I kept to myself. I know my co-workers know something was going on between us; things got noticeably tense in the office and then he just up and moved out of state. I got to live with that; the unspoken questions and looks of sympathy. Still, I held my head up and tried to stay strong and classy and act like it didn’t bother me.

Well, I’m done being controlled. I won’t curb who I am or how I communicate just because he’s pissed off that I walked away before he had wrung every last drop of supply from me. Because, I’m pissed off, too. My tendency toward kindness and privacy made it easy for him to pull all kinds of crap without fear of retribution. He knew I would never make a scene. I’m done with his bullshit. God help him if he shows up here or at work or puts a single toe over the legal line.

I have never been this angry in my life.