Jenna H's Story

bewildered - is this guy a narc?

I'm in my 20s and in a relationship in which I do not feel like the guy takes my feelings or wants into consideration. And for some reason I don't feel like I can speak up about any "needs." I'm usually not afraid to speak up, but with him I am always thinking if I make a wrong move, I'll lose him.
Here are the basics - he came off very eager in the beginning - sending hundreds of texts a day - always asking where I was, who I was with, acting very interested in my life and my activities in general. Things turned sexual pretty quick. The passion is like nothing I've experienced - very hot and I literally crave him. I loved the attention in the beginning. Then he took me out of town with him after which he was in touch a few days and then suddenly for a couple weeks the level of communication took a dive. Was much much less. And the reason he said he was "extra busy with work - don't worry." I get that, but it still hurt to experience a sudden drop off. So I was patient, being the cool, calm, reasonable person I am, trying to play my cards right. Then, he was suddenly back to normal. Funny thing is he said he wasn't sure if I was still interested because he "hadn't heard from me much." I'm thinking WTF?? That was the beginning of the mind f*ck.
Whenever we do get together it completely revolves around when he can fit me in. I feel like I have no choice but to be understanding of this because of the nature of his career. At the same time, he waits until the very last minute most of the time to see me, doesn't ever try to plan something ahead with me, although I try to and have been successful a few times, and there have been a handful of times when we could have spent time together and yet he doesn't make me a priority. It clearly does not make me feel valued.
So fast forward. He seems to overdramatize situations sometimes and I also feel like he tests me to see how far I can be pushed and how patient I can be. He says he appreciates my understanding when he's so busy with work. But it's like he likes to make me wait for him. Sometimes I feel like because he knows how much i want him, he withholds it. I feel in a way like I'm being "conditioned."
This guy ebbs and flows, pushes and pulls. And he's completely emotionally unavailable. He is a grown man and yet he plays games. Is rarely straightforward with his words, often turns things around to focus on me instead of him during conversation that involve questions about each other. He also projects.
Sometimes I get the vibe that he does have feelings and when he starts to feel a closeness, he pulls back and I don't hear from him much. Other times I wonder if he just plain does not give a shit about me, except how I make him feel sexually and how I stroke his ego. I'm beginning to feel cheap. He is less and less attentive and doesn't even say the same things he used to say to me. Does not ask much about my life from day to day like he used to. I'm not asking for constant attention, only some consistency. I can put up with downtimes in a healthy relationship in which communication is still there. We all get busy. I have a life, too. But this guy is confusing to me. I've never experienced anyone like him.
Also, he seems very ungrateful, often has negative things to say about others, and plays the victim when others don't meet his demands or expectations. He only compliments me on what I'm wearing or sexually. Does not say a thing about my character. Never says endearing things whatsoever. He's very prideful and won't admit feelings.