Jujubee's story
Jujubee's story
Hello all. I am new here, but have been reading for some time. It's actually here that I discovered I fell for a NARC. I read a lot of the posts with my jaw dropped.....it's him to a T.
I met my N in a chat room online. He was sweet at first, charming, attentive, etc. He told me upfront he was married (not proud of this fact, but at this point it was online flirting and nothing more). He quickly escalated into sexual conversations. Not something I had done before, but I wanted to talk to him, so I tried. We talked for long periods of time about sexual and non sexual things. He was jealous if I was slow to respond.
He wanted me to visit him while he attended a conference in a big city. Being "swept away" by his attention to me, I made arrangements to meet him. A week later, he became somewhat distant. I called him out on this, and he said everything was fine, that he was busy, etc. Two weeks before I was scheduled to leave, he sent me a message that he hoped it was okay that he spent two hours each evening talking not only to his wife, but his OW who he had known for years online while I was with him. I was furious and let him know that this was NOT acceptable. He told me if I could not live with this, I should not go. Next message I get from him is that his OW is going to take my place. Oh, I was mad! I told him I had made arrangements to go and that SHE was taking my place (like I should have been there in the first place). We didn't speak for a few days.....then out of the blue, he messages me and says...."you're in luck.....OW and I got in a fight, and she is not coming. So come see me."
Stupid me....I went. We had a nice time together. He made me feel special and wanted. Although the sex part was less than I expected, we laughed a lot and got along well. He wanted me to stay extra days and change my return plans to spend some extra time with him. When I said I would try, but couldn't commit.....he got angry and shut me down. Said the "OW" was again in the picture.
Once I returned home, his whole demeanor changed. He was dismissive, claimed I was needy, demanding, relentless. One afternoon, while we were online chatting, and he was basically answering in one word responses, I said, "are you busy?" to which he responded "too many chats, too little time." At which point I asked how many women he was talking to and he got really mad and said that was none of my business because I was neither his wife or girlfriend.
I finally got to the point where I was so upset and frustrated by his behavior that I told him I loved him. He HATED that. He told me he "didn't care for love." He flew off in a rage and told me never to contact him again. Poof.....gone......
I sent messages for sometime. No response. One of his big turn ons was for me to send my friends his way (wtf? who does that to a woman) So I'm heading to his neck of the woods in a month or so, and I decide to test him. Send an email...."hey I'm heading to your area, and my friend lives nearby......wanna get together?" He IMMEDIATELY responds with possible dates and times we can "all" get together. I pretty much told him I resented the fact that he always "wanted" my friends......that I was never enough.....etc. The last message I got from him was "if you think I am such scum, please stop contacting me. YOU have thrown these things at me. I do not wish to have anything to do with this any longer."
I hate that I was stupid enough to fall for all the crap in the beginning. And that I have let it all go on for this long. There are even more red flags that I haven't put in this post. I feel weak in one moment and really, really pissed in the next.
Thanks all for listening. You don't know what support I've gotten from simply reading all of your posts and knowing I'm not alone in all this madness.
jujubee
Be Happy You are NOT his Wife or Girlfriend Sweetie!
thanks Girlfriend!
How they can look at themselves in the mirror the next day....
jujubee
Aceonelady