just need some feedback

He's full of crap. Overweight my derriere. That's just Narc Blame-Shifting 101: A common bully tactic. It goes right along with changing the subject and making accusations. As long as he can somehow make you believe that it was all your fault, he's off the hook and you're either left wondering what just hit you or you're falling over yourself (and him) to make it up to him. If you go for the latter option, there is a good chance that he will milk it for all it's worth. It's not always your fault though. It could be his boss, the clerk at the grocery store, the bank teller, the guy who cut him off on the freeway, a lack of sleep, a worrying situation … anyone or anything at all as long as it's not him. Blame shifting is not always obvious because it is not always directly linked to the situation at hand. For example, you complain that he's been touchy and short with you for over a week. A direct blame shift would be to say something like, "that's because you didn't fetch my suit from the cleaners last Tuesday". You were the cause and you're getting the consequence. It's an inappropriately extended punishment, but at least there's a straight line relationship between the two things. With an oblique response, he could have said something like, "well, I blew my job interview on Wednesday." Now you are meant to take up the delightful task of extricating from him exactly why he believes he blew the interview, which at the end of a two hour session will come down to the fact that he felt uncomfortable because he could not wear his favourite suit …. Because you never fetched it from the cleaners." If subtlety is his strength and he knows that it works on you, he would have stopped at the point of not being able to wear his favourite suit and left you to come to your own guilty conclusion as to whose fault that was. A different type of indirect relationship between cause and effect is that he tells you he's been nasty to you because his lucky pen was stolen a week ago. It has nothing at all to do with you, but it shifts blame away from him. Now the cause of your misery is no longer him, it is the unknown person who stole his pen. Either way he wins. If nobody in the situation is to blame, then there is no way to resolve the problem. If you are to blame, then you must fix it. As for him, he is just an innocent victim and utterly blameless, therefore unable to do anything at all to find a solution, but totally justified in being a sod. http://www.cosmicwalk.co.za/games-blaming.html Don't engage him again, don't speak to him at all... let your attorney do it. And even if you are - don't let him know you are annoyed with his delays. He's got you doubting yourself because of his comments about your weight? Stop listen to his toxic verbal bombs! NO contact with him -- then watch how fast he settles when he can't get a reaction out of you!

Hi CassieMay, You have all the info. you need to move forward. I understand how you feel about wanting to hear from others what they think. That's why we're all here..to ask each other questions, lean on one another and support each other. This man sounds horribly shallow and most certainly treats you poorly to the point where you absolutely should no longer tolerate it. Get out now! Best. Lisa