Just when I think I'm slowly getting better

Just when I think I'm slowly getting better this ALL hits me like a ton of bricks! Lastnight I was up all night , could not sleep. I just dont know when the thoughts are going to stop. I feel like I have no control over them. I can be trying not to think about them but still do. I have read and read and read so much information about NPD. I have come to the point of grasping this and wrapping my head around this. It has helped me in healing educating myself but then I have a moment like right now, where I feel so OVERWHELMED by my emotions. Sometimes this just seems so surreal! When does the sadness, hurt , and pain ends. I try not to focus on my emotions but I'm really struggling right now. I'm trying to erase 13 years of memories. I know that he's not right for me knowing all that I know now....but when do your emotions catch up with knowing this. Just really hurting right now....