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Just wondering

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#1 Dec 30 - 7PM
Blythebloo
Blythebloo's picture

Just wondering

What does indifference look and feel like? I know that it is a state of not caring but when dealing with a narc how has it presented itself to you?

The narc wished me a merry Christmas twice and happy new year just today. I ignored him all 3 times. Is indifference wishing him the same well wishes or is it ignoring him? I really do not care if his holiday sucks or if he has the best ever. All I wish for is him to shut up.

Dec 31 - 6AM
Used
Used's picture

Blythebloo

INDIFFRENCE IS WHEN YOU JUST DELETE AND DONT EVEN BOTHER LOOKING AT TEXTS AND JUST CARRY ON WITH WHAT YOU WERE DOING BEFORE THE TEXT CAME......JUST MY OPINION...
Dec 30 - 9PM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Are we talking about indifference or NC here?

NC is blocking his texts so that you cannot see them. And certainly not responding to his holiday texts. He will not think you are indifferent if you respond to them, he will think that you want him, this is what they think when they get a response. They never take a response as indifference nor is it. Indifference would be that you are too disinterested or busy to even read them when you see his number and maybe later when you have nothing better to do you may take a look for a quick chuckle, as Tom Sheridan says: when you can laugh at how ridiculous they are, you have made it to the other side. He says something to that effect anyway, forgot the exact quote, I have been on here for a long time now and my mind is beginning to fade. Indifference is the stage you get to after you have cried, begged for it to get better and work out, expressed anger and maybe rage, journaled, read and worked the steps, looked at your part in all of this, completely understand what he is, and let go of the hope and dream of what could never be. Indifference is neither hate nor love, it is a neutral feeling, is is not too be confused with shock, surpressed emotions and numbness, or denial, or an I'll show you attitude, how indifferent I can be. True indifference is what you feel right around somewhere after step 5 and most likely while working on step 6 you will wake up one day and realize you have at long last arrived at indifference. God bless, Goldie
Dec 31 - 6AM (Reply to #6)
Blythebloo
Blythebloo's picture

Probably a little bit of

Probably a little bit of both. He attempts to engage me now through the communication we have about our daughter. I did send him a video of her playing drums and a picture of her in her Christmas dress. Im sure he read more into those than I did. Sending him those doesn't mean I want him back nor does it mean I want to be friendly or chatty. It means I am still the good person he tried to ruin but didnt. I have chuckled a bit at his long winded texts. So typical of him to go on and on and to make himself look good. I don't even acknowledge these anymore if they have nothing to do with our daughter. So what if Santa brought her a barbie dream house and so what if you lowered the white board at work to her height so she could draw on it. He will always be free with his info if it makes him look good.
Dec 30 - 9PM (Reply to #4)
laxl
laxl's picture

Goldie is golden

Goldie, you must be the kindest and wisest person I have encountered through the pain of getting over a N. Your words have meant more to me, and probably many others, than we could probably ever say. I am striving for indifference... am getting close to it, but it's still not quite within my grasp. The scars of loving an N run deep. But the way you encourage those of us to stay with the steps, and the way you understand our hearts - well, you are a very special person. Thank you so much for your encouragement and wisdom. Hope you will have a happy and peaceful new year. Much love to you.
Dec 31 - 7AM (Reply to #5)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Thank you for the kind words

It warms my heart that you are growing and healing in your recovery, makes my day to feel and hear your gratitude, this is the very spirit and attitude which will take you all the way to the other side. Much love to you as well and it is through love, tolerance, and honesty with our sisters and brothers in recovery that the healing can begin. I understand your heart, my dear, more than anyone could ever imagine and I appreciate that you can see this. The truth will set us all free, it is the lie's we still tell ourselves and our own denial which keeps us in bondage. God bless, Goldie
Dec 30 - 8PM
foreverfun1
foreverfun1's picture

indifference is not even

indifference is not even giving it a thought whether u should answer back and just deleting the msgs and forgetting about them
Dec 30 - 7PM
Pumpkin
Pumpkin's picture

Indifference

I think indifference is not caring if he has a good life or a bad life. Think you are there.

Pumpkin