lcarrin3's Story

The Narc in our lives

I have just very recently put to bed a relationship with a man who portrayed more than a few narcissitic tendencies. I knew him for ten years, his wife twenty-eight years and his much younger girlfriend for five years.

He's a pakistani Asian, who told his story well, I believed he was in an unhappy arranged marriage, and when he started seeing the youngest girlfriend I had my suspicions but his lies covered his back.

His young girlfriend always pushed to know why we weren't introduced to each other, as he made out the OW was just a friend.
Eventually she managed to find my mobile number from his phone, (we think he knew she had it, and the more I think about it, it would seem probably that he enjoyed wondering whether we would meet.)
Think he thought we were both so brain washed that neither of us would decide to leave. So great was his self belief.
Our meeting was actually a cathartic one for me. We were singing from the same hymn sheet.
All her lines were mine.
He even phoned both of us while we were together. I put him on loud speaker and we both listened to him try and make arrangements to see me while she was away at a wedding the following night.Needless to say I didn't take him up on the offer.
I went away two days later and we kept in touch, she kept saying she couldn't believe it as though she was dreaming, and I had already started grieving as it hurt to know there was a complete manipulator ruining at least three womans lives while we let him!
I felt closer to his girlfriend than I did to him from that moment, it's not pleasant to find out the man who you have given your heart to, doesn't have a heart.
I flipped atfer a gin and tonic four days after our meeting and rang him to tell him we were responsible for doing his dirty work and coming clean, he raged down the phone.His girlfriend worked in the bar with him so I quickly rang her and forwarded mine and his texts to keep her up to date. I feel he might punish her as he had recently decided to physically strike out at us both. the irony is we met and never once referred to his physical abuse as the most destructive of his behaviours....the mental abuse is far more injurious, and berating.
I asked the police to check his girlfriend was fine, they haven't got back to me so I suppose she is.There were texts that week between us but I became to disbelieve that they were coming from her, perhaps he had taken the phone or had lied his way out to coax her back. Who knows? This is where I move on, and this website along with others has helped me to see what he was not who he was, as fundamentality he has no self identity. It's all about the False Self.
What I did learn is that I can like who I am , the person he mimicked when he was with me was just me, relected back.(no I haven't turned into a narc!)When they don't have a decent personality they may borrow yours and act out you! His desire to drink, and lie about a cocaine habit,were his weaknesses which he thought he was in absolute control of, how wrong he was.

The mind devastation is just a little crippling....but women are much more resilient than we give ourselves credit for. I don't intend to sit in the 'victim'corner any more. I thank God for answering my prayer to give me the strength to break free. Every new day is further away one step at a time. Although revenge is sweet, that only applies when the recipient has emotions to injure.