Learn your lesson and DO NOT go back to him!

Take it from me. I learned the hard way. My N and I were engaged when I broke up with him the first time. I called off the wedding after countless episodes of abuse, porn, his using cocaine, never wanting to see me, cruel treatment, lying, name calling, physical violence, etc. He was very happy that I called off the wedding and felt free and said "I was a piano on his back." He didn't try to work things out. I called off the wedding and moved to LA, 3,000 miles away...to get as far away from him as possible. I live on the east coast.

After 6 months of being away from him I moved back home and to be honest, I was over it. Well he had "an awakening" while I was gone and said he was "a changed man." He came back strong. He was calling, putting on the charm, telling me how devastated he was to be away from me, etc. He had a new girlfriend at the time and dropped her like yesterday's news (sound familiar). I was skeptical at first but figured what the hell, I'll give this jerk a second chance. At first (year one) everything was GRAND! He bought me a new mercedes, he allowed me to pick out the house we would have built, I furnished it exactly the way I wanted, and he bought me a bigger ring (he's VERY materialistic--status driven). I wasn't going to argue. We got married in Bermuda. I thought all of this was wonderful...and he gave up cocaine. He really did in a lot of ways change. He did. I was proud.

BUT...the flawed character (NPD)issue was still there and began to rear it's ugly head. Little by little he started taking me for granted after we got married, lost sexual interest, started name calling, and the control came back full force. Things actually got WORSE! I was sooooooooooo enraged that I took him back and started thinking of all the things he did to me to make me leave him the first time, I started to LOATHE him. I was sick with myself for marrying him. How could I not have known? I'm saying that he did change and give up some bad habits (cocaine, etc.) but the bottom line is he is who he is and you can't change a leopard's spots. No matter how long it takes things (abuse wise) will always return! N's can't help it. They have to abuse. Just don't put yourself in a foolish situation and go back like I did because ultimately the damage will be so much more detrimental to your self esteem. Leaving the first time was a cake walk compared to what I'm going through now. If I would have just learned my lesson...