lonely

Happy Bank Holiday!

Its a holiday in the UK and its a glorious day... Im feeling much better than I did and I think I have turned a corner in my healing.

I no longer see the N as a possibility and I am sure that no amount of hoovering would tempt me back in.

I've moved on and I have learnt a lot actually .. I am still determined never to let this happen to me again.. I've been narc'd a few times and that is way too many...

The worry I have is taht I am lonely. I spend a lot of time by myself by choice. I am very sociable by nature but I havent really felt like I wanted to be around many people. Only those who i really trust and love. Sometimes I find it hard to constantly negotiate people and to make sure I stand up for myself. Its quite tiring.

I am starting to feel very lonely now though... this morning I pissed off that both N's have got new people/victims (i think) and I find myself alone again which is a bugger when I think I have a lot to offer and if I offered it to the right person rather than what I was doing which was giving it to anyone who showed an interest and some who didnt! then I would be a good partner. I guess I'm kinda worried this wont happen and I wont meet anyone and I'll be lonely for ever...

ooohhh this is a pity party... gunna shake my tail feathers and get myself out in the sunshine for a bit .. there is still so much to be grateful for .. and in the UK the fact that the sun is shining is deffo one of those things!

Thanks for listening.
Toots xx