made a mistake

12 posts / 0 new

#1 Sep 15 - 1PM

alma25

made a mistake

I'm not sure how to write it and what exactly but I need your help, advice, support so I write.
The thing is that when all this thing with him started I didn't really know what to do, so I posted some messages on the forum about narcissism in my country. Then I posted two stories on my blog.Just that. Then I forgot about it. There were no names, nothing that could show that it was about him.But he found that and informed me about it. I didn't want him to find it. Really. But that time I was so desperated and I didn't know what to do. Now I feel ashamed and guilty like someone who made a terrible thing. When I was writing that I was so sad and hopeless.Of course he informed me about finding all these things. He wrote to me, offered a meeting. He was so nice and gentle and you know and when I answered him finally, he just wrote: "Ok but in the meantime, don't write stories aout me on the internet:) have a nice afternoon."
I feel so stupid. I feel terrible.

#2 Sep 15 - 6PM

gettinbetter

ok Im confused

did he find your post on this site or somewhere else? and how did he know it was you?

#3 Sep 16 - 1AM (Reply to #11)

alma25

somewhere else

no, not on this site. That was the site in my country and he knew it by the nick I was using in one of my old email adresses. These were the old posts, just a few that I was writing over a year ago when I had only a very tiny idea what was hapenning exactly. He must be searching a little bit and he found that. That time I just didn't consider the fact that he could search for the information about me on the Internet so I wasn't so careful. When all these things started getting worse I realised that he could look for somethng about me. That's why I blocked everything,delete my old account and found this site, chose another nick.

#4 Sep 15 - 3PM

Briseis

Alma, what he did to you is

Alma, what he did to you is REAL. You experiences real pain, real fear, and real humiliation. If his candy ass gets a little shudder from seeing the truth of what he did to you, well boo hoo. No pity. He had none for you. Why do you feel stupid and terrible? For hurting HIM? You didn't mention his name. You don't even mention YOUR name. He deserves to be buried under your pain. Causing him a little well deserved painful self reflection is a kindness. Your words on the internet are not for him to judge. I wonder how many other women have read your blog and felt less alone? A sweet and gentle person such as yourself *would* feel badly at causing another person pain. I don't like to cause pain either, I feel it too much myself when I do. But look at it a different way. You did him a giant favor. Not that he will ever see it that way, but it doesn't matter how he sees it. Showing him how he really loooks is the right thing to do. If there's any hope for him at all, it will be in seeing himself as you see him. Since the chances of that are nil, it was a gesture of kindness, whether he can see it or not :)

#5 Sep 15 - 6PM (Reply to #9)

Susan32

It would be too late...

The ex-Psych professor didn't want me telling other people what he did to me. He threw a fit because I read an essay by him FOR FREE and I criticized him for bashing his editors in his footnote. He was so afraid of being found out... now it costs REAL money to read his FAKE philosophy. If he came to me begging to NOT talk about him on the Internet, if he acted all kind and gentle, I'd show him NO MERCY. If he said "You hurt my feelings. You're making fun of me." (On another message board, his ACTUAL essay titles are the targets of VERY real ridicule) Most of the time I'm sweet and gentle person, but because of what he did to me, if he whined that it hurt, I'd ask with a smile "How can I make it hurt some more?"

#6 Sep 15 - 1PM

Used

alma25

sorry to hear how you feel, butif he hadnt of treated you this way you wouldnt have anything to write, please dont be taken in by his sweet and gentle approach all it means is what he said [,dont write any more about me on the internet!!!]he couldnt scream it at you in case you wrote more, he is the one who should feel guilty and ashamed by his behavior to you, if you feel too bad, is there noway you can take it off, i dont know anything about the net,except the basics, i am going to get controlling here.lol. dont you dare feel sorry for this man. gentle, they dont know the meaning of the word, except when it suits them to act it xxxx

#7 Sep 15 - 1PM (Reply to #3)

alma25

thank you for your replies

I deleted what I could.The posts on the forum I can't delete. I checked it in the general rules. I also deleted my old email account, blocked him wherever I could. What hurts me the most is that I wrote all these things cause I had no place to throw it away, I needed help so much cause he just didn't want to give me any answers, any closure. I'm not a person who loves writing about herself. I don't even like showing my photos but I was so sick and tired that I didn't know what to do. Now it looks like I was the crazy, nasty one,who is not strong enough to keep all this things for herself, like I was some kind of freak, injustice and horrible who accuse him.I wanted so much nt to show him how he hurt me and what I think about him, I really tried and I took my strength from it and now I feel so down.

#8 Sep 15 - 2PM (Reply to #4)

alma25

should I

apologize him for what I wrote or try to repair it somehow? But how?Am I the one to apologize?

#9 Sep 15 - 6PM (Reply to #7)

almostlydia

alma

Stop this please. You owe no one an apology for anything. Please believe this. The exN used to send me text telling me to stop lying on him. What a crock this was. I wasn't lying, mostly I wasn't doing anything other than confiding in a few friends. He was so scared of being exposed he was projecting that I was out there spreading the news. I was not. But if I was, it would have been the truth. And the truth is the truth. He is working you and trying to cover up his bad behavior. Did you lie? I doubt it. You said what was in you heart. Never apologize for this. Never. I wrote to the boyfriend of the exN and told him that I finally understood that it was him all of this time. He threatened to call in the lawyers if I did not leave him alone. I wasn't threatening him in any way. If anything I was trying to warn him of what he was dealing with because I had read enough on his FB to know what was going on. I wrote him back for the last time and told him it wasn't my drama just telling it as it is. The only person that is owed an apology is you and it is doubtful you will ever get one. When we speak the truth there is no apology necessary. Stay strong. You did nothing wrong. almostlydia

almostlydia

#10 Sep 15 - 2PM (Reply to #5)

Used

alma25

noway, apologise for what if this arseole had listened to you, you wouldnt have had to write it. its done and dusted, why would you want to apolgise, this man broke your heart for heavens sake. no apology at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#11 Sep 15 - 3PM (Reply to #6)

desprathousewife

Absof*ckinlutely

Don't even contemplate apologising, you have nothing to apologise for, you are the victim here, don't feed him anymore NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC drum it into your head Let him stew in his own toxic juices

#12 Sep 15 - 1PM

desprathousewife

alma25

Please don't feel stupid, I did the same sort of thing, posted narc songs and references to what he did to me on my facebook. He isnt on the internet THANK GOODNESS, but his daughter saw these and called me the most awful names I've ever been called (the week before he assaulted me, I was and I quote 'The Best Thing That Had Ever Happened To Him) and now he has slandered me that much that she thinks I am to blame and the worse person ever. Think back to all the AWFUL things he did to YOU? ALL you have done is speak the truth and react through your hurt and pain. Forget the guilt and pain, they have put us through enough of that sh*t, hold your head high!!!!!!

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