managing down our expectations

So I'm continuing with my homework everyday, ready about this disorder and validating myself in that it wasn't me, nothing I do or didnt do could have changed the outcome..I'm learning its the same game with the OW or women and nothing will ever change...so I take solace bit by bit that no matter how hard I fought or how much I loved, nothing will change this person

So upon reading and learning I came upon the term, "managing down our expectations"....this goes hand in hand with passive aggressiveness and manipulation..the concept behind it is every time we confront them about lying, cheating, or just being a plain old a**hole, they invoke the silent treatment for the simple means of torturing our souls and creating uneasiness and anxiety....for however long the ST lasts, and we all have been there, we are consumed with anxiety and desperation to talk to them to understand WTH went wrong and what we did...as time passes we begin to question our behavior and think, well we must have done something wrong....then when the jerk decides to end ST, we are just so elated with joy that our anxiety will be able to stop and we are fed a crumb or two, we are being trained not to question their behavior or confront or challenge them, because if we do, we fear that moment of ST again...so essentially they are training us to lower our expectations of them gradually...

We used to expect fidelity, honesty, commitment, loyalty...you name it...we used to expect a lot in the beginning, but slowly over time, we begin to fear them leaving us or hurting us...so we back away and begin to accept the minute crumbs tossed our way...that way, they only need to do minimal work to keep us hooked while most likely, they are putting in the rest of their energy on hooking the next supply or supplies...

Makes a whole lot of sense for me!!! This us what I have experienced as I'm sure many of you have