for Mariline

19 posts / 0 new

#1 Nov 15 - 7AM

onwithmylife

for Mariline

hi Mariline, I feel like one of your followers, you are so wise and full of wisdom. I wanted your take as to why a few months ago, when I sent my EXNarc a letter saying perhaps he should reexamine the relationship he had with his mother and that maybe he he revisited that on the 5 signnifigant women in his life, did he send me back this hateful letter, calling me a whore, slut, saying i was cheating on him the last 2 years of our relationship. I did not, there was a time when we broke up and he returned a letter i had sent him, so i started doing some online dating and met a guy for coffee. When we did reconnect, only because o fa beautiful letter he mailed me and I thought things would be different, did I happen to mention i met a guy for coffee, when he had asked me what i was doing with myself during our separation.so he hurls this crap about me offering free sex on the internet, first come, first served and accuses me of doing cybersex in my desperate and depraved condition, his words. I realize that is all projection but do you think i hit a strong nerve because I mentioned him and his mother, just curious for your take on what I mentioned, thanks!they really know how to turn the guilt screws on you it seems...

#2 Nov 20 - 7PM

fooled no longer

Mariline

Yes me too! and youve helped me a lot, We share a country, Italy, if you-d like to send me your email address or FB we can be a support for each other. YOU are one strong woman good for you!

#3 Nov 17 - 10AM

helldweller

owithmylife

Yes, I am a slut too, because I broke up with him after he abandoned my daughters and I on Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years, and I went out to dinner with someone else and didn't even kiss him. "You expect me to commit my life to you, but meanwhile you are out whoring around." Found out last week he was in a hotel room with the OW and his foster child the entire month between Thanksgiving and New Year's. It boggles the imagination, the way they interpret the world. I honestly believe he thought I was cheating on him and that he did nothing wrong.

#4 Nov 17 - 4PM (Reply to #17)

onwithmylife

For Helldweller

Hi there, I got chills up my spine when i read your posting to me, i am so glad you came onto this post and added what happen to you, when he said you were whoring around, that sounds ghastly familiar, kinda what he accused me of for having coffee with a guy after HE broke up with me and returned a letter unopened i had sent to him. We were done in my book and because I mentioned that, when we got back together months later, he dumps it all on me. these men are MASTERS of deflection, so in order not to look inward, they throw it all onto us as the "BAD GUYS." He loves using the words, slut and whore, because THAT IS HOW HE VIEWS WOMEN,it must be real painful for him to have to pay a website for a strange woman to talk to him and turn him on, while he stares into a computer screen, if that is what he is reduced to then maybe there is justice after all!!!!In his SICK world you are guilty and he has done no wrong. Like Mariline said and i finally realize, they DO NOT know the difference between right and wrong.....................

#5 Nov 15 - 8AM

Mariline

Hi onwithmylife, I thought I

Hi onwithmylife, I thought I had already answered to this question, but maybe I am wrong. Well, sometimes they say something so outrageous that it hurts and hurts for a long time. It happened to me before, but now there is nothing like this which could ever happen to me again. Onwithmylife, you gave a good advice to a NARC! How do you think he could ever listen to it? They are never wrong, they are perfect, their parents are perfect, their families are perfect, and they are the only one allowed to hate them and ruin them What he said was outrageously offensive. But he was a Narc. A narc calling someone else a slut? they are the ICONS of slutness, they are the epitomes of sluts, they are sluts-shaped physically and mentally, and I am insulting sluts here because they are for sure one millions morally better than Narcs. Why do you still hear his words? Why do you continue to repeat them? If you repeat them you give them a value. they have not value, these are words of a Narc. A narc is a walking shit, a useless, ill being whose only purpose in life is exploiting and hurting others. With no remorse. A narc does not talk, he emanates bullshit. You went for a coffee and you are a slut? narcs treat people like shit, and if we try to find someone else more decent we should be called sluts? On which basis, I am sorry? Do not repeat his words anymore. Do a promise to yourself. Narcs have a reversed moral. If he called you a slut, stay assured: you're a saint for sure. And after dealing with him you are even more than a saint. ((hugs)) no more narc bullshit in your head!!!

#6 Nov 15 - 5PM (Reply to #2)

onwithmylife

For Mariline, thanks a million!!

YOU are better than the kid therapist I had for a short time, THAT was just what I needed to hear and will print out your reply to me if ever there is a doubting moment in my mind.They do such a number on your mind, as it has been close to 2 years of not seeing him,if only I knew then what I know now..................Mariline it so so funny what you said about Narcs and reverse bullshit, because I remember years ago, I said to him, you always say the opposite of what you mean, and he said, oh really ? and that was it.thanks for giving me sainthood..You are so funny and wonderful, I may just start a fan club for you.It is really hard to let go of his words, they feel like they are seared onto me, I just have to keep telling myself they are of NO VALUE, like a mantra.

#7 Nov 16 - 8AM (Reply to #8)

Mariline

Thank you girls but the fan

Thank you girls but the fan club should be for someone else: I had the barbarian courage to line up 4 Narcs in my life, and I could win the prize of "Prey of the Year". Well this was the PAST of course. And about projection..... when you underline their faults you are "judging", when you want them to pay a dime for their food you are "exploiting"....projection projection projection. No more mind games for me. They are all extremely clear to me and I am done now....for ever. (((hugs to you both)))

#8 Nov 16 - 3PM (Reply to #9)

onwithmylife

Mariline

what exactly did you mean by the comment you said about judging and exploiting, it has gone over my head, sorry!

#9 Nov 17 - 6AM (Reply to #11)

onwithmylife

hi Mariline

thanks for the explanation, I was a little slow on the uptake! Have you ever read Dr. Linda Martinez-Lewi's book On Freeing the Narcissist from your Life, It too helped me in my recovery. thanks for asking how i am today, hanging in there, what about you, cannot believe Thanksgiving is so soon. How old is your son and you are in Italy right, how did you wind up there? I wonder at what point you stop thinking of your EN, I think about him off and on but remember your words, to NOT give value to his words!!!that has helped me a lot and is a new mantra of mine!

#10 Nov 17 - 1PM (Reply to #12)

Mariline

Hi dear, my son is 9 yrs old

Hi dear, my son is 9 yrs old and I found this website googling the words "control freak". i knew I had to find something in English, in Italy there is not much about these things. But believe me....American and Italian Narcs are exactly identical ( I am an international expert, lol) Keep in mind that the owrds of a Narc are the words of someone who does not know the difference between right and wrong....and you give them value? It is pointless even to listen to them. (((Hugs)))

#11 Nov 17 - 4PM (Reply to #13)

onwithmylife

for Mariline

That is interesting i never really thought of a Narc as not knowing right from wrong, almost like a little toddler who has to be shown right from wrong,from parents and observing behavior., but for some reason as a result perhaps of being smothered, doted, overproterted, they never learned the hard knocks of life that we all must go through, that life came be disappointing and that they cannot get their way all the time...

#12 Nov 18 - 12AM (Reply to #14)

Mariline

This is absolutery a trait

This is absolutery a trait of cluster b disorders. Right and wrong in their eyes are the same. This why the attention they get, of any kind is okay. If it is a good attention or a bad one. Right and wrong, no difference. Chilling, is'nt it?

#13 Nov 18 - 7AM (Reply to #15)

onwithmylife

for mariline

this is chilling news that i never knew, but then narcs are not necessarily the same as socipaths, are they? I though sociopaths were more outside of the law,more dangerous to society or am I wrong? And where does a psycopath come into play?the words get intertwined so much. I know you said before about the nonsense in Narc's words and that is helping me alot,but where does this statement he said to me years ago, fit into his psyche, just curious for your opinion, He said" I never loved you, i just wanted us to get a house together, so I could drive you off a cliff and get the house." When i got real mad at him ,he looked nervous, and said he was just kidding and I replied you do not kid like that and then let go, like a fool, because I loved him.............those words really seared into my heart.

#14 Nov 17 - 12AM (Reply to #10)

Mariline

I was just remembering my

I was just remembering my story, dear, when everything I did was interpreted in the worse sense how are you today? ((hugs))

#15 Nov 15 - 6PM (Reply to #3)

almostlydia

And remember, projection.

And remember, projection. It was my greatest insight into what he was really doing in his secret life. I would bet the cybersex thing was his doing. They can be so stupid. But they throw us off guard so easily. Once you recognize the projections, it is like a confessional. Good advice mariline. If you start that fan club let me know, I'll be first in line. almostlydia

almostlydia

#16 Nov 15 - 7PM (Reply to #4)

onwithmylife

almostlydia

I never even knew what projection was until i started reading about narcissism, he is definitely telling me his mind is desperate and depraved, that is for sure and HE is considering cybersex. I wouldn't do that in a million years!!!

#17 Nov 15 - 7PM (Reply to #5)

almostlydia

I never knew the technical

I never knew the technical name for it either until here, but for years I would say 'are you speaking for me now' as he would throw the most ridiculous accusations at me that had absolutely nothing to do with me, but they were things I should be saying to him. Eventually, i realized he was giving himself away and that is when I begin to learn the most disturbing truths of all about him. When I understood this, all those things no longer needed to be defended, they no longer had the same sting. almostlydia

almostlydia

#18 Nov 15 - 7PM (Reply to #6)

onwithmylife

almostlydia

I so wish I had learned that term earlier on when I knew him, it would have made life so much easier to understand him and all the truths about him,like when he was always badmouthing his 3rd wife and saying how she played all these mind games on him and i was listening so innocently, never realizing he was talking about himself.you are smart to have picked up on it and learn to realize he was speaking of HIMSELF...We will both have to be co presidents of mariline's fan club!!!

#19 Nov 15 - 8PM (Reply to #7)

almostlydia

There are things I was just

There are things I was just thinking about today, if I had only known I could have asked the right questions. I stumbled through the dark for years. On that wonderful post Kittygale (sp, sorry) put up the other day on Madea's relationship advice, he/she included a quote from Maya Angelou: 'When someone shows you who they are, believe them!'... almostlydia

almostlydia

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