This may be a stupid question...

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#1 Mar 10 - 12PM
whatever2009
whatever2009's picture

This may be a stupid question...

Is it absolutely IMPOSSIBLE for a narcassist to care about you at all?

If so, why do they do anything to please you?

Mar 16 - 5PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Why?

To LURE YOU IN. Sorry. This may not be what you wanted to hear. You may be searching the net hoping this isn't true. I know I did for a long time. But I learned the hard way: It's all a lure. No they don't really care about you at ALL. It's all an act. Words. They only care about what you can do for THEM, or how you make THEM look or feel. You? You are just an "object" to them. Barbara http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com
Mar 14 - 4PM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

They play with your emotions

They play with your emotions in order to get you involved. they are nice at first as bait for the trap. their superiority is served when they see you atempting to deal with them when they change their game and become abusive. they are in control and the game is like cat and mouse. They get bored when they know your basic pattern of re-actions to their manipulation and emotional games and they move on to someone new. they also move on if they have wiped you out financially and there is no more or if you are too wearing on them. they like women to suffer in silence and keep trying to make 'it' work. They will stay if there is something in it for them. when they feel empty they move on to get more narcissistic supply from a new victim. I knew a woman whose narcissistic husband married again right after she divorced him and took everything. he was furious that the first wife moved first so he told stories about the first wife that were totally lies. the second wife repeated them everywhere and in less than a year called the first wife and apologized profusely-the narcissist had wiped her out financially and emotionally. The narcissist played the victim because his victim got away, she supported the victim against the 'crazy' ex-wife and then she became the victim. Carolyn
Feb 16 - 5PM (Reply to #6)
toonice
toonice's picture

this was me

I was reading posts on narcissistic supply, trying to understand it better for future use in case I ever date again? I read this post from Carolyn and I saw my life pass before me. I was the woman who came next after the N divorced. I heard the stories and I believed them. He was so convincing. I then became his next victim. It wasn't until I saw behaviors in him that I said OMG.. maybe the things the ex wife said in court were true, maybe what she accused him of really did happen... the show they put on is incredible. Yes we read and read hoping to find answers. The point I am at now I need reassurance that I was not crazy. To read that others had the same thing happen gives me support now that I am not alone in any of this. I felt like such a fool that I did not see it sooner. t
Feb 16 - 6PM (Reply to #7)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

toonice

please read the three (3) posts under MY BLOG entitled "AM I UNDER HIS SPELL?" You were not a fool!!! You were targeted, lured, hypnotized, mind controlled and abused. We ALL were. what was said about him in court? unless his ex-wife wanted a perjury charge - was 100% true most probably ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Mar 11 - 10AM
whatever2009
whatever2009's picture

scared...

I get anxiety when he doesnt call, I immediately think I am being abandoned. Alot of times when he doesnt call, its because he is with friends smoking weed, or whatever, he does not have a legal job. He smokes a LOT, of weed. TONS! I dont smoke, I only drink on occasions. He is someone I should not be wasting my time with, but I grew up with a father very similar.....only difference was my dad had an amazing job and sold stuff on the side to "give us a better life" he supported us, my mother is an alcoholic. I am guessing from reading your post, that I make him look good, to everyone. I am very popular, great job, own a home, not to hard on the eyes etc...... Having me in his life must make him look better. Each day I am learning more, and somedays I am so strong, other days I am so needy I make myself sick. Im a really scared, I want to be happy, but because Im so use to being the rescuer and living in such a dysfunctional family, this seems manageable.
Mar 11 - 11PM (Reply to #3)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

He will give you clarity

Hi Whatever, If I'm not mistaken, you're in the courting phase of this relationship, right? He is trying to win you over and do things to please you, right? If you think he is treating you poorly now, how do you think he will treat you if you settle down and marry him? He will take you for granted even more. Believe me. You will not be happy and I think you already know that. Actually, I know you know that, you just don't want to admit it to yourself because the thought of being alone is scary. It's ok to admit that. I know I've felt like that before. Many people have. We're human. Humans do not thrive in isolation. That's a fact. It's natural to fear being alone. In any case, I know you are suffering right now trying to figure out what to do. I've been there and I know it sucks. Your mind races obsessively. You just don't want to believe he's not the man you fell in love with, right? I can't say much to help right now, but I can tell you this: This uncertainty...this feeling of "not knowing" will go away, I promise you. This man will eventually do something to make it crystal clear to you that you must leave him. While it will not be easy to accept, you will get through it and you will move on with absolute certainty in your actions. You will never look back. He will make it that clear to you, believe me. I can't say when.....your actions in part will determine that, but I can tell you, he will show you his true colors eventually and it will be the best gift he's ever given you - the gift of clarity to move on and recreate your life with someone capable of real genuine love because you deserve it. Hang in there, Lisa
Mar 12 - 2PM (Reply to #4)
whatever2009
whatever2009's picture

I seen...

Some of his true colors came out today, I posted them in confused and manipulated. Thanks for your support!
Mar 10 - 11PM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Why narcissists need us

Not a stupid question at all! A very good one, in fact. On this site, there are no stupid questions. Unfortunately, the answer to your question is yes. Narcissists do not feel, like we do. The only feelings they really experience are primal instincts like anger and fear. Beyond that, they have not developed the ability to experience the feelings that make us human. Therefore, they do not care for us as we would hope they do. The only reason they do anything to please us is to ensure that they keep us around. Narcissists need people more than anyone. They have very specific reasons for being in relationships, but they are not built on the universal need we all have, which is to love. Narcissists do not enter or stay in relationships for love. Their motives are quite different. I believe they become involved in relationships in order to ensure their needs are met and their ego is stroked. It's really that simple...nothing more, but certainly nothing less. There are two types of Narcissistic Supply (attention) that a narcissist needs in order to survive or "thrive," if you will. Primary Narcissistic Supply (NS) is the day-to-day changing attention and affirmation a narcissist receives from different people he encounters throughout his day. When he does not receive enough primary NS from others to fulfill his desires, he turns to what is called Secondary NS. Secondary NS is strictly for back-up purposes. Secondary NS is obtained from a narcissist's significant other. The significant other is a constant presence in the narcissist's life. Therefore, they are always available and accessible to a narcissist, should he encounter deficient Primary NS that day. Narcissists must ensure they have a constant and reliable source of NS at all times. The best way they have found of doing this is to have a significant other in their lives. They do not love this person, nor do they wish to be with this person most of the time. However, it is impossible to control how much attention or Primary NS one will receive from the outside world on a daily basis. Since lack of NS is something a narcissist cannot bear, he must make certain he has a backup form of it that is always available to him. It is for this reason a narcissist seeks to secure a significant other or wife. It is also for this reason a narcissist will do what he needs to do to please us when we become upset or he fears we may leave him.