mini metdown

26 posts / 0 new

#1 Nov 15 - 1PM

Happy1

mini metdown

I am feeling low this week. Thanksgiving is coming and my narc and I were engaged last year at this time and we celebrated Thanksgiving together with the boys. He had just moved into my house with my son and it seemed like a family. Now, this year, it's just my son and I. I'm sure this is just another hurdle I have to jump but it really is starting to annoy me that this takes so long to recover from. I'm way to embarrassed to share with my family that I'm down and they really wouldn't understand. I am not crying, but feel a sense of loss again. I guess Holiday's can trigger and they have. I absolutely dread putting up the tree after Thanksgiving! I want no part of Christmas, let alone Thanksgiving. Let the Holiday's go away already!!

#2 Nov 16 - 7PM

gettinbetter

Oh happy

I know how ya feel. Im sure hunter has told you of my news. Its all so tough for all of us. Hang in there. Let them ruin someone elses life. As painful as it is we are free from bondage and that should be what this Thanksgiving is about being free from constant mental and emotional abuse.

#3 Nov 16 - 8PM (Reply to #25)

Happy1

Gettinbetter

I'm sorry you are having a bad spell too! It's a hard pill to swallow when we realize try are gone and we are left torturing ourselves with our thoughts. We are our own worst enemy right now. Our minds play horrible games on us and triggers make it more difficult. I hope you feel better too! Take care of yourself. I'm making my list tonight for my son and I and things we will do before New Years. :-)

#4 Nov 16 - 11AM

Sparrow

Your "first" Thanksgiving

Your "first" Thanksgiving without him. It's hard but you will be fine. Make some new memories. Enjoy the day, change it up a bit. And Christmas? You have a beautiful young boy, that I would imagine Christmas is very important! These are magical years! Years you will never get back, ever. Enjoy them with your son. He will be with you always, unconditionally love you and never leave you.......men, are a dime a dozen, sons........well, need I say more? As hard as it may be anticipated, enjoy the beautiful time you spend with your son, family and friends. This moron that left, isn't giving one ioda of a thought of you. Happy Holidays!

#5 Nov 16 - 4PM (Reply to #22)

Hunter

Happy

Make some new memories indeed.. Start by tossing the stove top stuffing in the trash.. Make stuffing from scratch.. Hunter

#6 Nov 16 - 8PM (Reply to #23)

Happy1

Hunter

That's a possibility. :-). Haha

#7 Nov 16 - 11AM (Reply to #19)

Happy1

Sparrow

So true! Thank you! My son is my life and time is very precious with him. I'm going to try and make this the best Christmas he's ever had. I want him to have only good memories of his childhood. You're right...my narc is not giving me a though and I get frustrated that I still think of him. Thanks!

#8 Nov 16 - 11AM (Reply to #20)

Sparrow

A nice thing to do, after

A nice thing to do, after your Thanksgiving celebration, sit down that evening with your son, eat some left over pumpkin pie and hot chocolate and together, make a list of all the things you can think of to do during the 2 holidays. Each time you do one together, cross it off your list and move on to the next one. Before you know it, Christmas is here, and you have enjoyed the ENTIRE season together. Just not Christmas Day! I use to do this with my daughter when she was little. We visited nursing homes with her youth group, collected gifts for Toys for Tots, collected canned goods for the local food bank. Would watch a different Christmas movie most nights. I would pull her around in a wagon looking at Christmas lights with a thermos of hot chocolate and cookies. I included her in the Christmas card list and note writing as well. Baking, whether you are a boy or a girl, is fun. Candy making. Build a gingerbread house together.......the list goes on and on. Take a photo each time you do something together regarding the holiday, create a scrapbook, and each of you write what you liked best about the days experience. And ALWAYS play Christmas music to and from your outings. Christmas Eve, sit down together, look through your scrapbook, and reminisce about your Christmas "season". You won't even notice your narc isn't around!!!!

#9 Nov 16 - 4PM (Reply to #21)

Happy1

Sparrow

These are such beautiful and wonderful ideas! You're an incredible mom and woman! I'm going to use some of these wonderful ideas and you've given me hope and motivation to create new and wonderful memories with my son. Thank you so much for this encouragement!

#10 Nov 15 - 8PM

Journey

Hi Happy1, it's been awhile!

Hi Happy1, it's been awhile! Holidays are tough for sure, especially the first year. It was just before my first Christmas after the D&D that I found out my narc asshole was taking the ow on a vacation to a place we had previously planned to go. I spent the whole Christmas holiday time thinking of the two of them enjoying each other and being in that place, it was the worst Christmas ever for me. I understand how you feel, the triggers are so strong around holidays. I really hope you decide to go all out this year and celebrate your freedom from narcville! Have a truly grateful thanksgiving for being narc free (and not married to the loser)! Then put up the tree and decorate it brighter and more fancy than you've ever done before... shine the light of goodness all through your heart and home for your son. THAT is what the holidays should mean to us. ((hugs))

Journey on...

#11 Nov 16 - 6AM (Reply to #17)

Happy1

Journey

Thank you! I appreciate your comforting words. It's always nice to be able to come back during these hard times and know I'm with friends who understand how hard this truly is. I tend to put on a happier act at times than what I'm feeling. Right now I'm truly missing him. Holidays have really triggered me and it hurts. I will try to decorate differently this year that doesn't remind me of last year. I do wish the holidays to fly by.

#12 Nov 15 - 1PM

Hunter

You told me he ruined your

You told me he ruined your Thanksgiving last year!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!! What's to miss.. Don't walk on Eggs shells .. Make use of the eggs .. Deviled Eggs ( ha ..I just made a funny) Think about what he will do at His celebration.. .. I know send over the eggs shells to the OW house .. He will be thankful for his paycheck.. Not his friends or family..Oh wait.. he has no friends or family.. Hunter

#13 Nov 15 - 2PM (Reply to #13)

Happy1

Hunter

You're right! Nothing to miss but wondering if it will be so much better for him this year without me. He doesn't have anyone but his new supply this year. The wonderful clueless doctor.

#14 Nov 15 - 2PM (Reply to #14)

Used

happy1

yes his thanksgiving will be AS GOOD AS YOURS WAS LAST YEAR....LOL... He will never have a happy anything, none of them do... You should be thanking god it is only for you and your son this year...and not your ADULT SON AS WELL THIS YEAR....lol.. PHYSICIAN HEAL THY SELF....

#15 Nov 15 - 2PM (Reply to #15)

Happy1

Used

You just put a smile on my face. Thank you!! So true I won't have my adult son there, but I hate these mind games I play on myself about him having this wonderful Thanksgiving with the doctor. Ugh! I have to keep catching myself. Physician Heal Thy Self!!! Love IT!!!! haha!!

#16 Nov 15 - 1PM

Kiwi2005

Sorry you're feeling down

Sorry you're feeling down this week... it happens... but think:: You are NO longer in misery, in a fake relationship, in a relationship with someone who'd buy you a Christmas present- but have NO idead why he got you what he did. What are you grateful for this year, that you weren't grateful for last year? -From the little I know I'd have to say, you having a good relationship with your son, being able to give him the "best" (better) you, not one that's constantly on an emotional rollercoaster because of a narc. -I'm grateful that I will be away from him this New Year, and will miss his bday which is on Christmas! I'm grateful that I got out alive & he didn't run me to my grave because thats where I was headed just about a week ago. Keep your head up lady, you're gonna need it for the holidays! XOXOXOX

#17 Nov 15 - 2PM (Reply to #9)

Happy1

Kiwi2005

Thanks! yes! The roller coaster ride has been closed this year, so I haven't had any drama. That's definitely a plus. I do remember going around the table last year for Thanksgiving. He and his son had just moved in with my son and I and we were newly engaged. We all said what we were thankful for which included our family, etc. His only response was that he was thankful for his "job". I will never forget that. It was so cold and heartless. As far as Christmas presents go...he only bought me a few nice gifts the first year we were together. He was the cheapest man I know. My son will make me something for Christmas and that means more to me than any gift my ex put no thought into. You will have to go celebrate on your N's birthday since you are no longer with him. Life is better without them, but hard to live some days without the pains of what we wanted and what we dreamt was not even real. I'm glad you are alive and well Kiwi and thanks for your encouragement.

#18 Nov 15 - 2PM (Reply to #10)

Kiwi2005

He was thankful for his job

He was thankful for his job because it gave him money and he can buy shit for HIMSELF. Thats why. He really doesn't know why though. It's hard to live life with them, and it can be hard to live life without them... but it's much easier than we think or want ourselves to believe. I'm doing VERY well! All it took was going back for *sex* and learning new, narcy things about him! I'll never forget the first few weeks, emailing you, hunter, sara-smile. I was a HOTT mess then :) Now it's scary, it's soo easy, too easy, it worries me sometimes. Hang in there & hold your head high. You won't see it now, but after the holidays (hopefully before then), you will see that it was one of the BEST holiday seasons yet! You have to make it the best.

#19 Nov 15 - 2PM (Reply to #11)

Happy1

Kiwi2005

Yes, well...we are not supply to them unless we benefit them in some way. Thank God we are no longer a "thing" to someone, but something special to ourselves and others. I just know the levels I get to when I'm down and my mind gets all jumbled where I can't complete a thought or sentence it seems. I have to really make an effort right now to concentrate again on work and most importantly my son and his homework. 8-) You definitely sound so much better Kiwi2005! More power to you and keep your strength and energy flowing! Thanks!

#20 Nov 15 - 1PM

highlander

Hey Happy! You're not alone.

Hey Happy! You're not alone. I feel exactly the same way. It was 2 days after Christmas that I was D&Dd last year. I am a bit worried, but guess what. We WILL get through the holidays and we WILL be ok. Think about how much better things will be in the spring. It will be spring for us, and the beginning of permanent winter for them. Their life without us! Keep your chin up... B

#21 Nov 15 - 1PM (Reply to #2)

Happy1

highlander

Thanks! I guess we can only hope these Holiday's fly by for both of us. Why they have to do these things around Holiday's is beyond me. I will keep doing what I'm doing, but my insides feel ripped again. Spring is definitely a new beginning! Thanks! 8-)

#22 Nov 15 - 2PM (Reply to #7)

ReclaimingPower

And....

.....we can celebrate TOGETHER. :)

#23 Nov 15 - 2PM (Reply to #3)

ReclaimingPower

You know what?

I really like not having that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach wondering where he is right now or who he might be talking to or wondering if what he is telling me this time is the truth or not or if this time he really is going to show up when he says he is or if he is going to call or write me or if he is going to embarrass and humiliate me again by flirting with one of my friends again. I don't have to wonder if I can trust him because I know I can't. I don't have to wonder about if I will hear or see him again because I don't ever want to see or hear from him again. And I have done everything I can to make sure to avoid it. And I hate profanity but someone here said something along the lines of NO CONTACT being the polite way of saying F*CK OFF.....and every time I think about it, I laugh and laugh...and I can feel my old self come back again. I know I'm in here somewhere.... ;)

#24 Nov 15 - 3PM (Reply to #4)

Happy1

ReclaimingPower

Such good points.... remembering wondering constantly if what he was saying was a lie, if he was really at home that night or at some other woman's house, wondering who he was sitting there flirting online with, wondering when he was going to pick a huge fight so he would run to the doctor he is now with, wondering and stressing....That was my life. What was his next move? How would I react? What would we do next weekend? When do we see eachother next because he never planned anything with me. Everything was last minute and I rearranged my life for him. Never did he do that for me. I bent over backwards to accommodate him. So thank you so much for reminding me of this. I had forgotten what a whirlwind this was. You sound like a fighter and you sound like you are getting stronger by the minute. Good for you!

#25 Nov 15 - 4PM (Reply to #5)

ReclaimingPower

:)

Can you even imagine how wonderful it WILL be to be in a normal relationship? It's going to happen for us, I just know it. They won't be on a dating site, they won't have other women's numbers on their cell phones. They will be CONSISTENT, make plans in advance, their words will be backed up by actions and there will be intimacy, warmth and understanding. How wonderful it will be when each of us gets to make that post. :)

#26 Nov 15 - 4PM (Reply to #6)

Happy1

ReclaimingPower

I am still not a believer that that man exists. I hope it does, but my N put a sour pill in my mouth and I'm very hesitant now when it comes to men and very skeptical. That can be good and bad I guess. I hope it happens for all of us one day though. 8-)

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