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Mother Enmeshed Men

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#1 Apr 20 - 7PM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Mother Enmeshed Men

My STBXNPH was a total MEM.
She had passed before we met...but he still carries ashes of her with him. Named stuff after her...
When he was leaving me, he told me he had never been in love with a woman, except his mother. He's mid 50's?
Wondering if that's a common thread?
I often wondered, if perhaps he had been sexually abused as a child, but I now think that he was born a P, and that his dad was a P.
He had the Madonna/Whore thing going, and a lot of Oedipal too! Actually, he is plethora of mental disorders when I think about it.
What I don't like to think about is, what does that make me? Besides the third wife? I feel like a maniacal magnet!

Apr 22 - 7PM
Heart
Heart's picture

It is comforting, and sad,

It is comforting, and sad, that someone else experienced what i lived through. I was married to husband #2 for 10 years; we were divorced in October, his idea. He had the M-W complex, but I was unaware of this until well into the marriage. I just thought his disinterest in sex was because of me. Intellectually, I try to accept what happened, but emotionally it makes me very sad and hurt. I never really understood his relationship with his Mom. Now I think a lot about it. I am wondering how many others have gone through this.
Apr 22 - 8PM (Reply to #8)
gullablegull (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

heart

You sure we didn't have the same NP? I went through Hell about the no sex thing, for the longest time! It was great, before we married. (shame on me) It hurt me so badly, I thought I was unattractive, stunk maybe,just could not believe a man wouldn't want his wife! He came up with excuses for a while, but he didn't have to worry about me coming on to him. I'm not that way. Just didn't even know how to really...(and it wasn't worth it anyway) Then, I started eating all the time, thinking I would show him! Heck, the food was one of my few joys! At least then, I could blame it on me weighing too much.....I even thought maybe he was asexual? Little did I know.....You should see the woman he left me for! Of course, he won't stay with her either, but she looks like she could be his mother? I will not waste any more of my life trying to figure out what was wrong.....for I could start now, and it would be a book. Just wish I'd known there were even people like this in the world....could have saved myself a lot of heartbreak. I am still going to be who I am, a loving caring woman. Just next time, I hope I will see the flags, and go running the other way! If I hadn't found this website, I'd probably still be blaming it on myself. Now I know though. It wasn't me. Never was me. It wasn't you either. I was just here to make him look better, make him appear a family man, a charm..with two wonderful good looking sons. He was often more immature than they were! I really felt I had three children! I am already happier. Now, if I can overcome the PTSD and get through this divorce........and I pray that my children and I will have a home after all is said and done. That is the least he could do for us, after playing with our lives the way he has.
Apr 22 - 8PM (Reply to #9)
Heart
Heart's picture

gullablegull

I, unfortunately, could still go on and on about his dysfunction. At this point, i am still healing from the sexual rejection. It is only now I realize that when he sweetly told me I reminded him of his mother when she was younger, it was not a good thing! He really played with my head, and left a few scars. TY for your kind words. I am here if you need.
Apr 22 - 7PM
Heart
Heart's picture

It is comforting, and sad,

It is comforting, and sad, that someone else experienced what i lived through. I was married to husband #2 for 10 years; we were divorced in October, his idea. He had the M-W complex, but I was unaware of this until well into the marriage. I just thought his disinterest in sex was because of me. Intellectually, I try to accept what happened, but emotionally it makes me very sad and hurt. I never really understood his relationship with his Mom. Now I think a lot about it. I am wondering how many others have gone through this.
Apr 22 - 12PM
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

the creepy family.....

the psychonarc had a verrrrrry creepy family...his mother was a psychonarc.....drank boxes of cheap wine to wash down tons of prescription meds.....the crazy old battle axe had kept every prescription bottle she ever got.....her bedroom bookshelves looked like a Walgreen's pharmacy.....it was PROOF of her endless busllshit control freak 'suffering'.....his father was a highly respected dentist...who was a boozer.....the psychonarc claimed to love his mother....but actions showed otherwise...she forced him to do parlor tricks in exchange for her enabling him... i do believe this may be what turned him into such an abusive defiant woman hater......he couldn't withhold from mommy dearest...or she'd slam her checkbook shut.....so instead he took his range and anger at her out on other women....me in particular...... i think that most of these whack jobs have some really intense mommy issues..but that they run the gauntlet....from bizarre love to deep abiding hatred.......
Apr 22 - 8PM (Reply to #5)
GhostBuster
GhostBuster's picture

Don't get me going...

OH yeah, the mommy stuff was apparent with my ex N. He had a deeply ingrained smoking fetish (mommy smoked) and to get it up, he needed the smell of Chanel perfume. Didn't know until close to the end that his mom wore Chanel...until I asked what I could get his mom for Christmas and he revealed he always gets his mom a bottle of the stuff...her favorite. LIGHT BULB WENT ON! I actually liked his mom, but one time when I laughed around her when ex N told me he had done a modeling stint one time for his company's brochure...his mom barked at me (because I chuckled)..."(Name) is VERY handsome!" Okey dokey.
Apr 21 - 1PM
Janet
Janet's picture

He brought his mom out on

He brought his mom out on dates. His 34 year old brother still lives with mom (he hasn't worked in a year and a half) total drug addict. Father was a Lutheran minister and died 7 years ago. I suspect the father beat the mother (who never worked although went to Yale for grad school) and had affairs. CREEPY FAMILY. He spent a lot of time with her and at the same time is so disrespectful to her. Peace. J

Peace. J

Apr 21 - 8AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

either way

this has been discussed a lot on these boards... some are Mother some are Father enmeshed... some have zero relationships with their families -- either way Narcs are extremists! ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Apr 21 - 12AM
Kelly
Kelly's picture

Norman Bates

He sure loved his mother. . . .