my brain is on overdrive..

This stuff works in phases. You probably subconsciously are remembering the past "New Years" etc...holidays can be big triggers. Despite your not wanting to go to your friend's house, if she's a good friend, force yourself - I don't care if you have to show up in pajamas. For me, what happened (and I have health challenges that sometimes limits me) was that I'd get stuck inside these fours walls and start going stir crazy. It's like all the thoughts consume and get caught up and there is no "ventillation" You need ventillation. A good friend will understand - and you need a change of scenery. Don't look for any great expectations - just look to get out of the house. A goal... If you can, take a nice warm shower, pamper yourself, put on some make-up a little if you're not up to it - mascara, a little blush and some lip gloss - and if you can't do your hair, throw it up in a bun and call it a day. Put on some perfume, pack an overnight bag and get the hell out the house. Being around people and distracted will at least give you some ventillation. On my worst days, a ten minute walk outside to get some coffee worked wonders...I got some fresh air, and could "breathe" I've been there but I've said it before, you have to feel what you feel - not suppress it but have a "fighting" spirit. All the best dear. Hugs!

My day was yesterday, I thank you for your support. Are you getting your period? That's when I have issues. Exercise will help,meds work wonders. When do we get off this ride? Good question. It will be ok. NC,NC,NC :) Idealk

A Benadryl. Very simple, and it's not harmful or addictive. It just shuts it off and you can sleep. I've taken it during some points when I could not control grief or anger. I hope you feel better.

Classic withdrawl symtoms Happy..You are going through it in other words..you are going through it..You just need to wait it out..sweat it out..purge it out and let it out..Do not I mean Do not Contact the roach..just be with the pain for a little while..allow your brain to go a thousand miles a minute ..until it stops.. I have been having increase of dreams of the Narc..some wsas with the OW but the recent ones have been me pregnant for him but him never taking me to the doctor..never caring..him in a in the beach with killer sharks and men and women with guns killing the sharks..then we end up holding hands and making out behind the gateof thebeach.. I love this man so much and it kills me to have dreams of him and I together and actually pregnant for him. But I must ignore and release..I was inlove with myself..I was doing most of the work..I was inlove with the fight..the drama.the seduction.. The Narc always told me I don't want him I want omeone like him.. He's right the someone like him is the mask he uses to attract ..the real him I don't want at all.. I think of these men with there mask on as when we politely greet someone..with all smiles and cheerd..even when we dislike them we put on the mask..But we forget all about the ones we faked our impression on..Also we only put on our mask when we need something..like a Job..money..Adoration..anything even free items..we put on our own mask.. So when I view it like tha ..I get how they can leave us at a drop of a dime..we was the job they wanted or the free stuff..and after they got it they became themselves and left..no more needed just discarded Go throgh it Happy its the only way..I have to go through my nightmares to get to my perfect dream..He will soon not consume you anymore.. xx

I would also recommend exercise regime to keep you active and get out the anxiety, also yoga is helpful especially when feeling stressed. I also went to therapy briefly. I could not stop crying the grief was so intense for me. I also had dreams and could not find peace. I felt like the changed me in a big way and NOT for the better. I had never felt so low in all my life.I also went on antidepressant because I was at a loss as to what to do to help myslef. I am glad I did. I really do feel for you and we all will have bad days, it is hard and painful but you will get through it and better days are ahead. Take care!!

Happy , im one year NC and the obsessive thoughts have gone , so heres me telling you they dont go on for ever . The only way i learnt to handle them is to live with them and i had the faith that in time they ease and go away compleatly . It drived you crazy thats for sure and thank god for this site that can tell people new to nc that it is a completely normal part of healing . I would feel like i had several people in my head and i would daily tell them to "shut up " .. Its strange that after a while of obsessive thoughts i just got use to it and the first week when they started to die down was such a relieve , i remember it i wanted to hang the buntting out !Lisa has writen a couple honest accounts of obsessive thought , she nails it . Hang in there , can i remind you of how well you are doing ! head down and get through and keep posting as i know youre post help so many people as you tell it as it is ... big love Scoop x

I'm sorry today is a rough one for you, Happy. This might sound like a trite ''remedy,'' but...do you exercise? If not...really find something you like, and stick with it. I love running, and cycling...and rowing. Running has become therapy for me. Not only does exercise help you physically, but it causes the seratonin in your brain to increase, which causes depression to dissipate. Plus, when you exercise, you simply can't focus on whatever is bothering you. It sort of withers out of your mind. It's a true stress reliever. You might not feel like it, but put your ipod on, and go for a walk. Even if it's cold outside, go for a walk. You will truly feel worlds better if you do this everyday. Or run. Or go to a gym. Keep you mind and body active. It's when I'm alone with my thoughts, sitting around...that I start dwelling on the N. Just my two cents. You will get better...you will heal. Right now, you have to ride out this suffering. Stay NC. Whatever you do...stay away from this man.

It really sucks when you have days like this I know. If it's any consolation I haven't had one for a good while now. The voices in my head are just the one now, I've kicked the others into touch and when they resurface I have the strength to tell em to go take up residence somewhere else. I'm too strong willed to let em in any more. I'd stick to your original plan and keep your committment to your girlfriend, much as you aren't in the mood. It will help distract you and take your mind off him for a while, not completely, he'll still be there but in a less consuming way. Hey you know what they say, what you do on New Years Day is what you will be doing for the rest of the year, so try to make it as fun as you can. Too much time alone is not good at this point. Time and distancing yourself from him will reap you the benefits in the long run. The ladies on here will give you lots of invaluable advise. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you have the best New Year you can under these circumstances. 2011 is nearly upon us and I have faith that by the end of it we will all be in a so much better place. ((((hugs))))

I am sorry to hear it Happy1. I know the feeling. There is always something what reminds me about my exN. In my case is skiing and snow. We have enjoyed winter so much together. Now i look for other people i could join for skiing to enjoy the winter without him. You can also find sb to enjoy NY with. I decided to spent this NY at home and i am totally fine with it. There is so many things we can celebrate during the year. So do not worry about this one :). When you are sad try to meet with other people or even travel somewere to visit family or friends. A week ago i felt very down. Lucky for me i got homeoffice and was able to travel home. Changing the air helped alot. Fight for your happines Happy1. Do not let N to control your life, do not let him to destroy your happines. Hugs!

Happy, most of us need to get some therapy after we finally end it with the Narc (lots go in before!). I even needed antidepressants to calm down my crazy racing brain and give me some peace so I could move forward. Our brains get so farked up having to deal with the Narc. And like you I had a narc for a parent so I've had this kind of crap go on my whole life. There is more to life than obsessing about the Narc and all the other crap done to us. I never believed it til I started living it. I wish I could give you a glimpse so you would know where you are headed. Getting therapy and/or meds is NOT expensive if you are willing to just get out there and do it. I didn't believe that until I saw it for myself either.