My Diary (Page One)

Your right..I just blocked them ...and I just stopped just like that..I'm done..I understand what's going to happen to me if I continue and its not good for me..I am obsessing and its time consuming and dangerous..I am fixated over this individual.and I need to stop..I'm going to go 12 days withought looking at his Fb and on the 12th day start over another 12 and so on and so on...until this person is not in my head annymore..

When I was making the 10th page yesterday Fb sent me a notice that they suspect that is not my account and that I have been using a false identity..that woke me up ..but it did not stop me from providing info to prove its my account..they asked for a number and I gave them my second phone number ..I use for business...

Who am I?...where am I?...am I that ###$ up that I can't understand or register in my brain when a man does not want me..and had 6gfs after me? Who am I?

I'll be honest I don't beleive its him I'm chasing..its his rejection and my need for acceptance..he plays a small part ..all I miss from him is his looks and kisses..that's really it

Since Nov I went on a 6 month nc ..he hoovered me back..chased me..sat next to me..for three months..I held my ground and stuck through the harrasement..he clearly did not respect my choose to be quiet..he would literally sit next to me on the train or Chase me down ..and I won't even look at him or say a word..I went no contact..

Month April came. We talked on Fb..I apologized..he apologized..we said we missed eachother...he said "how it hurt him so much when I would not speak to him..but he said he had to put his poker face on.." no contact works..he felt something..we met at my house ..the world was spinning and I was so high..that was only kisses..I didn't have sex with him...the next day I went by his house and I did..it was the most painful..ruff..animalistic sex I have ever had..I was being punished for my silence before..I was left bruised up..

After a few days past and I don't here from him..looked on his Fb and there he is 1thousand I love u's being sent..to his gf...

I now realize he too was not chasing me..he too was just chasing my rejection..he wanted my acceptance..which is control..and when I accepted him..he went back to her..I fed the beast..

He was with her the whole time he was chasing me..before his gf was another and another and another..for the 6 months I have been no contact he had a gf..

After I found out that this one was different..this one he said I love you too..that caused the green head of jealousy to bare its ugly face..I never said anything to his other 5 gf he had after me..but this one I had to tell because she took my man in my head..she took him and made him love her..when I told him I loved him before her..and he left me because I did..

That hurt me..he left last year but it feels so fresh..it feels like I never really had time to heal..time to accept he's gone..time to move on..yes he moved quickly on..but isn't that what all narcissist do? They all need supply..and the men need women..that's there form of supply..

I really loved..I loved with everysingle bone in my body..for that tiny time I was with him I lived him..im sorry if I didn't have 7 boyfriends after him..I'm sorry I didn't find a fool to say I love you too..I'm sorry I can't move on..I'm sorry I ever met him..

Maybe this is all a lesson for everyone involved..we are all here for a reason and are behaving this way for a reason..maybe there's a happy ending..he found love that's great..he needed me there to act crazy and to get through in his head the grass is not greener on the otherside..hes happy with what he got ..and that's his girl..she loves him ..he loves her..I was here to put them closer together..that's my part in this play..and that is all ..

Mark my words I am done..when I'm done I'm done..

Last e