MY nark, mine

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#1 Dec 14 - 9PM
nomoredenial
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MY nark, mine

Some one said on here the other day, I think it was goldie or Sparrow? That what really helped them was to not use the term my nark or mine. I have put this into full practice and IT REALLY helps. I notice a lot now as I am reading when others do it, it stands out, it somehow makes them yours instead of an x or the x or the N. I thought it was such helpful advice and worth repeating. Does anyone remember who suggested it? Whoever it was Thank you, it has helped me to disown the soon to be x more.

Dec 18 - 9AM
Layla
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I refer to him as "my abuser"

...and as far as I'm concerned, he can OWN that title forever, he earned it....... But I get the point. In our house, he is referred to as "the disordered one" now...we never speak his name...... love~ Layla
Dec 17 - 1AM
bgirl
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In our house he is Voldemort!

In our house he is Voldemort!
Dec 18 - 10AM (Reply to #17)
Anonymus
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LMAO!!!

In mine is "he who must no be named"!!!
Dec 15 - 4AM
freaked
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Nomoredenial...many thanks for this post

thanks for posting this NMD. I seem to have missed earlier post by Goldie or Sparrow... true true... we must immediately stop claiming any ownership of the disordered one. tis purely a prerogative of their 2 makers.. esp the mother. we were incidental. I really LIKE this input. Put in practice 1 nanosecond after reading your post. it FEELS much better....rather have Single r/s status rather than link my name to double trouble. Hugs freaked
Dec 15 - 1AM
uk lady
uk lady's picture

Hadn't noticed I was doing that but...

When I first came here I too was referring to him as "my P/N" and now I usually type "the ex" or just "ex". I shall now devalue him even more to "x". Exactly where he now stands in my life. Must be a real telling sign in the progress on our path to finally healing. Thanks for that. Actually makes me feel more empowered and a sign that today will be a good one. Dee x
Dec 17 - 12AM (Reply to #14)
Sea
Sea's picture

Same here i would refer to

Same here i would refer to him as Ex. He will remain as an Ex forever in my life.
Dec 14 - 10PM
Sparrow
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Sorry, wasn't

Sorry, wasn't me................it's a good idea though. :)
Dec 14 - 10PM
ReclaimingPower
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LOL!

If I feel the need to bring him up in conversation with my closest friend, I refer to him as either "The Beast" or the "Demon Spawn"...just another way to rewire my brain. :) In writing, I've been consciously trying to write "the N" from the outset -- using the word "my" or "mine" connected to the N made me react physically (clenching in my stomach).
Dec 15 - 4AM (Reply to #11)
freaked
freaked's picture

call a 'it' a 'it'. nothing more.

Reclaimingpower, my child and me have begun alluding to the n as 'it' trend begun about the same time as discovery of the disorder.
Dec 14 - 10PM
TNR1
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It's always been Mr. N for

It's always been Mr. N for me. Why should I make him personal when he used to call me "baby" or some other impersonal term in texts(BTW....words like baby can be used on ANY woman and can help them to cover their tracks if sent to the wrong number). The only time he used my name was when he ended things.
Dec 14 - 10PM (Reply to #6)
nomoredenial
nomoredenial's picture

oh wierd

Whats up with that, a few weeks ago in a few texts he used my name, he never does that, I was with my sister and I said wierd why is he doing that. What is that?
Dec 18 - 7AM (Reply to #9)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Not called by name

The ex-Psych NEVER used my real name, even when he was furious&raging during the final D&D. At least if my father got angry, he'd use my first&middle name (or my full name) The ex-P would always call me "Miss A---" and he'd call his future wife "Miss G--" (he didn't call her by her first name with me, tho she introduced me with her first name) The ex-P was incredibly formal. He'd give the silent treatment to colleagues if they called him by his first name. He didn't like being called by his first name... and the sad thing is that I wanted to be his friend, so I could do that. He didn't mind being called a bully... I think he liked it. He probably would've gotten off on being called an SOB, a bastard, a jerk, an a-hole, etc. Calling him by his first name? I guess *I* wasn't supposed to go there.
Dec 17 - 9PM (Reply to #8)
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

same here

N never texted my name either for all the years together but last two texts he has...I did not bite but it actually makes me feel good in some crazy level...I was abandoned so cruelly, it is not easy to regain a feeling of being balanced and in control. I do not hate the N I was with and totally get the patterns and limitations now - I don't think he hates me either and is just doing his pathetic N thing and trying to be famous again I guess, who knows. He may feel a little bad that I am finally trying to move on. I do feel like a trapped butterfly trying to find my way out...I may move across the country soon, and he will lose access to me when he next visits the city we were both in for so long... He did move away for a job and not another woman but within a month he was off to the races with bar ladies....He insisted we were not breaking up and then vanished - no calls.
Dec 14 - 10PM (Reply to #7)
TNR1
TNR1's picture

Probably trying to bait you

Probably trying to bait you back in by making you feel special. Don't dig too deep into it....the delete button is your friend. :)
Dec 14 - 9PM
dulcinea441
dulcinea441's picture

I'm considering referring to

I'm considering referring to him from now on as "IT." Or, "The Creature."
Dec 15 - 4AM (Reply to #4)
freaked
freaked's picture

Dulcinea, just say 'it'

Dulcinea.... 'it' is more than sufficient. cos the 'it' is not even a living creature. dead as a doornail..gets new meaning after the experience. narc it = NIT
Dec 14 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
Winter
Winter's picture

lol Dulcinea

the thing :)
Dec 15 - 2AM (Reply to #3)
Alissa
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Oldie ;-)

Oldie ;-)