N picture

Last year my N took me out for my 32nd birthday. We had a great meal, I had a few drinks, and went to my place. He picked up my digital camera and snapped a few pics of me. Wanting to save the memories and knowing there were no pictures of us in exsistence I set the camera to take automatic pictures and said "come on take a picture with me!" he said ok. I sat next to him on the couch, leaned in and put on a big smile never looking at him. I briefly viewed the pictures days later and noticed he wasn't smiling but chaulked it up to a bad picture. When I look at those pictures today I see the real him. He wasn't smiling, had negative body language, and looked like he was miserable. He never even looked at the camera. I looked like an ass smiling because I was happy to be with him. The look in his eyes was cold and unattentive even after we had just spent the entire night laughing and playing. It makes me so sad to know that night and many others was fake and didn't mean a thing to him. I can't wait to get rid of this sickening feeling and ache in my heart. I feel like he was laughing at me behind my back the entire time. Yet I have to fight with myelf everyday not to call.....