Narc X

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#1 Aug 27 - 10PM
June09
June09's picture

Narc X

When i met my ex she was in shambles.Her ex boyfriend had cheated on her and dumped her,i felt sorry for her i nursed her back and i fell in love with her.We were both in University then.I helped her with her life,i got her out of depression the year after when she could not get a job and supported her. Last year she wanted to launch her shoe line as she was podiatrist.i made it a possibility through my connections in the business world.During my University time I had missed my exams when she was sick to be with her.I did my best to spend time despite my uni commitments to my law degree and my extra curricular activities.There were a lot of red flags during our relationship which i ignored because i really loved her. I will make a quick run to the last 4 months of this relationship.

Both of us went overseas and when we got back.i found out she liked some body else and when i confronted her she said she has cheated on me twice during the relationship,once she had slept with her ex who cheated on her so as to get the control back of her dumping him and not the other way around and the second time she had cheated with her best friends cousin and in the last three months she has been in touch with a guy who she met in a club and she was corresponding to him even during our relationship.She broke up with me but she kept liking my fb status and stuffs and one day a friends cousin who is quite attractive came to walk my dog and she had made a comment on fb which i think got her jealous and lose control she called me from another guys house and said we should get counselling.I have never been to a psychologist.I agreed to it.Since May she has mental abused me and psychologically tormented me,blamed me for everything that went wrong and said i wasn't man enough and i could not do a single thing properly and i am not mature.she kept comparing me to the new guy that she liked and told me he buys her 5 pizzas when she is hungry and is always very attentive to her and listens to her needs and i am nothing like him,i have done so much for her splurged money on her.During the counselling she accused me and made me feel like a terrible person.The psychologist said it was a toxic relationship and organised for independent sessions the psychologist also saw through her character and when i confronted my ex about it she called me lying so i recorded the next conversation with the psychologist and showed it to her and i deleted the session recording because it is illegal.My ex started to blame the psychologist that the psychologist did not understand her needs and stuffs.On the last day of counselling we had to see the psychologist together and i had decided enough is enough and i said during the session that i do not want to get back to my ex.I think my ex was shocked to her what i said.When we go out of the session my ex started to cry at the hospital.I felt really bad even though i wanted to walk away i could not.I hugged her and i said i loved her and within few moments she started to talk about this guy and how great he is.I felt like a knife stuck through my heart and i again fell for her trap.

She seemed to be having fun,going out for movies and having a time of her life and she lied to our common friends that i have moved on and dating other girls which was not true.I got into depression and suffered terribly from it.During those months i tried calling her and speaking to her not understanding what went wrong in my life and i really missed her.She abused me and threatened me that she is going to get a restraining order against me but i all i wanted was to get a closure from her and i called her maybe only once a week.She had changed her number twice on me and i decided enough was enough and i started to move ahead with my life but i was still involved through the business relationship i helped to create for her but i remained aloof during the whole time.3 weeks ago when i spoke to her she said she loves this guy and she thinks he is the one and she is going to get married to him.i said fine and congrats. 2 weeks ago we had to catch up for a conference call and i spoke strictly business with her and i left the conversation after which there had been emails from her for which i replied directly to the point.In the last week her relationship with her business partner feel off who was a contact through my contact and i got a 4 calls from unknown numbers on my mobile phone and a voice from my ex telling me that she would call back and i got a call again that evening,i told her i am busy and i will speak to her later.again on monday i got 5 calls this time with exposed numbers,it was her and she had also sent me email saying she called.She called me again on tuesday and i spoke to her.She blamed me that i was my fault her business fell through and that she can do all by herself and that she is entirely capable of pulling it through by herself.I asked her why is she calling me and telling me this and she goes" we were in a relationship together for 3 and half years and that i was great guy with a good heart and she would like to be friends and stuffs" and she kept whinging about what had happened i listened to her and i showed sympathy to her.She said she would like to be invited to things that i attend.I said we shall see.I kinda think i feel for words which happens every time she speaks to me and she said we dont have a future and i never asked her for a second chance and she abused me calling me names.I asked her where she is staying she said she is still staying at this guys house and i recalled what she said 2 weeks ago to me and i asked her when he is so good to you why dont you get married to him she told me she is too young and i asked her if she is going out with him and she said no but this is what she needs now is to be with him and i totally do not understand what she ment by that before we finished the conversation she said to me " now that you have my number do not call me everyday or she would change the number" i was totally suck by what it ment because i never called her in the last 3 weeks in fact she was the one calling me over 12 times in the last week.I immediately deleted her new number from my phone.after the call i felt depressed and drained out of energy.it had made me wonder and feel sad that until now why she never said sorry for what she did to me from cheating to the mental abuse and she feels it i owe it to her to help her.I am lost and confused.My ex was also checking on my friend who she is jealous but i told my ex the truth that i still have some feeling left for her because i was in a three year relationship with her.I feel after the conversation with her i lost all the hard work i put to move forward and it is really hurting me and got me confused.

Aug 30 - 2PM
Deidre40
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Oh...and you should

Oh...and you should anonymously send her SIX pizzas...lol I'm a stinker.
Aug 30 - 2PM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

First, I’m so sorry for the

First, I’m so sorry for the pain and anguish this woman put you through. You seem to be a good man, who really poured a lot into a relationship. She’s definitely disordered…and honestly, the best advice I can give you is to go completely NC. Cry, be angry, buy a punching bag and punch it every night if you have to…but do not speak to this woman ever again. SHE IS EMOTIONALLY DANGEROUS. Perhaps, worse. Threatening a RO on YOU? Please. I would stay as far away from her as humanly possible. No texts. No emails. No calls. Get out from under this business arrangement with her. Truly, this is THE ONLY WAY TO BE FREE AND HEAL. Seriously. As you read about this disorder, you’ll see. NC is the only way out of the chaos. Once you’re a few weeks out, you’ll feel better. The fog will lift. You’ll accept what you cannot change, and you will grow. But, as long as you keep talking to her here and there, listening to her random negative chatter, etc…you will never ever heal. She will always control you. Be prepared for when her relationship with her new victim goes south, and for her to come running back. You are the ‘rescuer’ to her. That is a red flag by the way. Never date a woman who’s looking to be rescued. So now you are her eternal life preserver. And you’re better than that. So—that’s my advice. GO NC. Change your number. Block your email. Be done. You have the control. You always did. They just have a way of convincing us, otherwise. Good luck to you.
Aug 28 - 12AM
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

Sonds like you have invested

Sonds like you have invested alot of yourself in a relationship with a highly disordered woman. She sounds classic Narc or Borderline or combo nutzoid. Would be nice if you could just delete her from your life. She sets you up and dumps on you every time. It will get dumber and lamer and will only get worse. She wants attention adn supply and you deliver every time. Nc and no response is the best way to get your life back. Stop dreaming that she will ever give you what you seem to want, ecause she is incapable. She will use you and abuse you, but is incapable of loving you. You sound smart. Use your brains, read and post and share and learn...and talk the issues out here instead of with her! ds
Aug 28 - 12AM (Reply to #2)
June09
June09's picture

I am trying to pull all back

I am trying to pull all back together and move ahead as i am learning more about Narc and their behaviour.She still has few things attached that she tries to hang on that she can strike a conversation with.I am also a bit worried that since i am quite involved in public life and moving into a political career she will try to come back and harass me.I am also a bit sceptical to talk about it to my mentors as it is a bit embarrassing and i cant seem to predict her next move or what she will do and she always ends up catching me off guard and stays 10 steps ahead of me and it feels like she can predict me in every way,she is like a psychic sometimes.She said she would like to catch up for dinner with my parents because she knows that i havent told people about her cheating part and what she did to me mentally.As i know that its very hard to get a good name but it takes only minutes to destroy one's reputation besides i do not feel like going and bad mouthing her as i have personally seen her rage and her vindictive behaviour.I think love sometimes is really blind and you fail to see through people and forgive them for their faults because you love them
Aug 28 - 1AM (Reply to #3)
Done sourcing
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Dinner with your parents? I

Dinner with your parents? I hope you would never consider spending anytime time or energy on or with her. She threw you away more than once. Do you remember that? You might want to read some more about no contact, my new friend. You also dont need to bad mouth her to protect yourself. Just pretend she is dead, so you cant talk to her or answer her calls. Ignore her or she will torment you forever. Stop playing her game by her rules. No contact and no response if she does. Stop being her pawn, or your life will suck and you will suffer until you learn. Tough lessons but we have to get on with our lives. ds
Aug 28 - 1AM (Reply to #4)
June09
June09's picture

I have decided to go NC with

I have decided to go NC with her since tuesday and i really hope i can sustain it.Thank you sir
Aug 28 - 1AM (Reply to #7)
aceonelady
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June09

Is a good start...If i can,you can...with ups and downs i managed after3 years to go NC, i am NC now for 2 months...just don't be hard on yourself,if you slip,just start it allover again,everyday is a new one...he did send me his apologies and tried to confuse me again...i even survived that...But the longest you go NC you regain the contact with your former self,and see things as they really are...is not easy but is the only way to regain control about ourselves an healthier self esteem...is the first time in 3 years that i can actually feel ME again...Hughs

Aceonelady

Aug 28 - 1AM (Reply to #5)
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

I'm sorry for the pain of it

I'm sorry for the pain of it all, and I know you care for her or else you would be long gone. But your story make it very clear to me that she is willing to use you until you are in a mental hospital, and she would probably use that for supply as well. Its all about her, remember. I isnt a love connection she has, but an attention disorder...When you stop wagging your tail every time she whistles, she may try harder to get your attention back. But when you respond she knows she has you again, then she withdraws...circular insanity. Only you can stop the cycle, because the script is working for her. Dont forget that they lie and cheat, past...present...and into the future. ds
Aug 28 - 9PM (Reply to #6)
June09
June09's picture

IS there any tricks that i

IS there any tricks that i need to be aware off from my EX narc.I just dont understand she says she likes this guy and stays at his house and told me she is going to marry him and that he is the one and in a weeks time she says he is just a friend and then sends me emails and stuffs and asking for indirect favours.Some times i dont even know what she is talking about or trying to tell me.She is being vindictive because she knows it will hurt me or is she telling me i still have a window of opportunity.Is there any other tricks that she might attempt to do that i need to be aware off j