Narcissist and Sex Addiction

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Oct 20 - 7PM (Reply to #19)
Nothanx's picture

don't know about other women

He was obsessed with looking at it on the internet! At the time, when we were together, he talked about it all the time and looked for it obsessively in his precious porn, but he would not even touch my genitals. He would kiss me and touch my boobs, but he would not touch my vagina with either his hand or his mouth. I of course took this very personally, but later, after the damage to my self esteem was already done...he told me it was all vagina's not just mine. While we were together he was a major porn addict and jacked off all the time. In order to deflect the blame onto me and away from his limp dick, he made me believe that I did not do it for him in the bedroom. Last I talked to him he admitted that he has always had germ phobias about vagina's on any woman, and that he was sorry he made me feel bad about myself...because I have nothing to feel bad about, and he thinks I am the most beautiful girl he has ever been with...blah, blah , blah!
Oct 20 - 12AM (Reply to #15)
Nothanx's picture


It was weird enough that he had the strange crossdressing fetish, but what was even weirder is that he knew I told all my family and friends and he was not embarrassed (or he never admitted to be). If I got caught doing something as embarrassing as crossdressing, I would never be able to show my face at family get together's again. He acted like it didn't even phase him. I was the one who was embarrassed to bring HIM. That is one of the main reasons I would never be able to take him back...embarrassment. (I know that is sad on many levels because I should not be taking him back because he is an abusive cheater, but the truth is that I am embarrassed to say "this is my husband" and have people knowing he is a freak).
Oct 16 - 2PM (Reply to #11)
hooklineandsinker's picture

Yeah, mine stopped having an

Yeah, mine stopped having an orgasm inside me as well, and just ended up pulling out and finishing himself off over my back.
Oct 17 - 11AM (Reply to #12)
Nothanx's picture

Been there

So degrading, but when it was happening I was just hoping that he would hurry up and be done... so I let it happen! He was a habitual masturbator. He would *no exaggeration* jack-off between 10 and 20 times a day. I knew he liked to jack off to porn, but until I lived with him I had no clue how much he did it. I didn't even know it was possible to masturbate that much! Another abusive part of all this is that he would be really loving and romantic and get me all worked up...Then...bam...he would say "I am really tired I am going to bed"...and leave me for porn and jacking off! I can't believe I let him get away with this...I should have told him he was weird and been done with him the first time he did that to me!
Oct 17 - 12PM (Reply to #13)
MsVulcan500's picture


I went through the same thing, only no porn, maybe only a mirror. LOL but you're right, it is so degrading and makes you feel so worthless. We are lucky we are free of it and now he is making someone else feel worthless and undesirable. They don't change. It's hard, but we can't take it personally. It was never about us.
Oct 11 - 8PM
almostlydia's picture

Excellent info, Betty. I am

Excellent info, Betty. I am sure the exN was a sex addict and the distinction does seam minimal that I can tell. There has been a breaking case in Atlanta about a very prominent black preacher making millions a year, of course, having 3 young men coming out as being coerced during a 'boys without father's program'. Then a 4th one came out and there was no doubt. He created a program to mentor boys as a father figure and then when they were of legal age (17) he coerced them into sex. This, I have no doubt, was the same game the exN had discovered as well. I can only describe this as truly living on the dark side. My instincts had told me this long before the Bishop Eddie Long had been exposed. As far as I'm concerned now when anyone wants to know why the exN and I are no longer together all I have to say is that he was doing the Eddie Long thing. Sex addicts will abuse their own children as well as other people's children. They need the experience to be more and more risque like the alcoholic needs more drinks to get the same result. I am torn between what to do to save other Mother's sons having no proof, only instinct as to what I have seen. It is a dilemma. almostlydia


Oct 11 - 7PM
solost's picture

This was mine

This was my narc to a tee, except he didn't have any other addictions. It was so VERY painful to me and really fucked up my head (still does, still struggling with this) Thank you for posting it though cuz it actually is a little validating to me. No one believes me about the truth about him, so I stopped telling anyone.
Oct 12 - 5PM (Reply to #7)
Alive's picture


WILL ALWAYS believe in you.x
Oct 11 - 3PM
Briseis's picture

My exN hid it from me pretty

My exN hid it from me pretty well. I am a straightforward type of gal and take people at face value. Sex is a loving, exciting way to express your affection and bond. Getting kinky happens sometimes when you want to play and surprise yourself :D But . . . stuff went way beyond "kink" It finally hit home that he'd been coming home high on meth and attempting to have sex for HOURS and doing things that felt like I was a masturbation toy, like I wasn't even THERE. Well, I wasn't. I've learned a lot about meth and sex, and that the two go together, pretty much. Our sex life had something missing in it. We both felt it, something more "missing" than not missing. He'd become conditioned to sex on meth. Just having normal sex (normal? well, you get my drift) was like eating vanilla ice cream when what you really want is New York Chocolate Fudge or whatever. Even though sex on meth is disgusting, depraved and without a lick of affection or love.
Oct 10 - 5PM
kiwi10's picture

Ongoing endeavor to set

Ongoing endeavor to set barriers to sexual behavior such as moving to a new neighborhood, getting married or even starving themselves sexually, which only fuels the addiction this one i saw in my x for sure. wow. fascinating. i was going 'to make him good', but when i was bad, he looked at porn and even posted personal ads. that was very helpful, thank you.
Oct 10 - 3PM
onwithmylife's picture

food for thought Betty

Maybe that is why the EXN said in a letter to me that i was "into cybersex in my desperate and depraved condition", speaking of course about himself. Cybersex is the LAST thing and I mean last thing i would ever do, rather just masturbate! He ripped into me for posting on Carigslist once looking to make some new friends AFTER we had broken up and said it "is a place or sexual predators,felons,sugar mamas". I am not disputing what he said, but then again any internet dating website probably has its risks.
Oct 10 - 4PM (Reply to #2)
betty2020's picture

Yes OWML. They are so great

Yes OWML. They are so great at shifting the addictions back towards us. I had this problem all the time with the xN. When they see us they see a reflection of their own behavior. Although we do not have these behaviors in reality, to them it is real. Twisted mind of a PDI (personality disordered individual). In part i believe that it is a defense mechanism for them. They are unable to accept their deprave condition as it is conflicting with their need for superior status and validation. It taints the ego because of the sigma associated with it. So therefore they accuse and blame others to make them feel less depraved. He constantly eluded to the idea that I was a cheater and alcoholic. None was the case but to this day I still look back and question myself. only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Oct 11 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
kaybe's picture

Sexual addiction or the constant quest to just 'feel'

How interesting. I've just sort of ended a 7 year liaison with a narcissist. Not exactly a relationship for the last 4 years but more a FWB mutual addiction thing. Anyway my ex is not exactly obsessed with sex BUT has no other way to experience or express emotions so he uses frequent sex to feel desired, wanted and most importantly in control. This means that one woman is never going to be enough as no-one can provide adequate adoration in the face of his selfish behaviour. So he always has one main woman whom he can treat badly cos she's been brainwashed, and then is constantly on the hunt for back ups. Unfortunately for the main woman, he's quite successful as a hunter because when he turns on the charm he is irresistable, so there's no shortage of back ups. That's why our relationship ended in the first place. Problem then is that I became one of the back ups!