A Narcissist's Perplexing Behavior and Backward Reactions to Things

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#1 Aug 31 - 7PM
Anonymous (not verified)
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A Narcissist's Perplexing Behavior and Backward Reactions to Things

by Kathy Krajco

The reddest red flag is perverted behavior. Leave out the sexual connotation: I use that word perverted because it means "thoroughly twisted" or "turned backwards." Any act can be perverted. Perverted behavior is the extreme opposite of what is called for. This is behavior that goes against nature, behavior that makes you want to pinch yourself.

In other words, it's a surprise, a shock, the last thing you expected.

Like maybe everyone in that classroom was sitting up straight with all eyes riveted upon Teacher and you could have heard a pin drop. Ka-BOOM! He flies into snarling rage at some kid he won't identify as though that kid just flipped him the bird or something.

Or maybe you've been dating him for six months, and he has been saying from day one that he wanted you to marry him. You finally tell him you love him. Ka-BOOM! He gets mad and tells you that you don't love him. And demands that you wear your hair a different way. If you really love him, you will, you know.


In my experience, afterwards you are unable to say what the blow-up was even about. That isn't normal. When you have an argument with a normal person, afterwards you can say what it was about.

Though such off-the-wall flights into rage are the most memorable instances of perverted behavior, they aren't the only kind. In fact, other kinds are more telling.

For example, take a situation that has a nearly irresistible pull on the heartstrings. Imagine that some person in the room is suffering great grief and sorrow and breaks down into tears. Seeing that affects normal people like gravity, attracting them to that person to comfort her or him. But what does a narcissist do? The exact opposite. Remember, she must deny attention to that person, and she can't stand to see anyone else give attention to that person. So, you'd think anti-gravity was impelling her out the door on the far end of that room as she hurries out jabbering cheerily about everything BUT what is going on.

That's what I mean by "perverted" reactions to things — weird, backwards reactions to things. Behaviors that make you feel like you just stepped into The Twilight Zone and need to pinch yourself.

It's always a sign that a person is dangerous in some way. Perverted behavior is characteristic of psychopaths and malignant narcissists. Normal people rarely exhibit perverted behavior unless under extreme pressure to do so, and even normal people are dangerous at such times. For, that's when "normal" people all look the other way to allow things like the Holocaust while pretending that they don't know what's going on.

Inappropriate laughter is an example of perverted behavior. I'm not talking about the inappropriate laughter that sometimes comes from a nervous or self-conscious person, or from people under a great weight of fear, pressure, or sorrow. That's a release, and we understand it. I'm talking about inappropriate laughter that makes you wonder where it came from.

For instance, when the Challenger (space shuttle) exploded on take-off, we saw it live on television. As with the 9/11 Attack, the networks replayed the spectacular footage every two minutes while shocked America got the news and gathered around television sets. One narcissist I know of was so in need of getting his stunned co-workers' attention off the TV and onto himself that he put on a comedy act, parodying what the victims were saying to each other as the rocket plummeted into the sea. Though his fellow workers were scared to death of becoming the object of one of his persecutions, they were shocked at this chilling display of inhumanity and could manage only nervous laughter at the creep's attention-getting jokes.

That happens only when the victims aren't regarded as human beings. Either because they have been demonized by dehumanizing caricatures in propaganda or because the laugher is a psychopath or narcissist.

Other examples of perverted behavior are:
· reacting with contempt or indifference to what should evoke sympathy
· reacting with aversion to what should attract
· reacting with anger to what should please (such as finding some mysterious offense in an attempt to suck up)
· getting angrier in reaction to what should appease (Narcissistic Rage)

In short, whenever you see a backwards reaction to something, believe your eyes and ears. Accept this behavior's perplexity and know what you know — that there is something seriously wrong with that person.

And don't forget about it tomorrow when he's Dr. Jekyll again.


Apr 1 - 9AM
joeP's picture

I remember

I remember when I first realized I was being devalued (Didn't know that was what it was at the time though) I was lying next to her watching TV and not saying a thing. She looks at me and says Her: "So you think you are so great" Me: What??? She then starts attacking me. I try to ask her what is she talking about. This only enrages her further. I try to tell her I have no idea where this is coming from. She gets madder and is really screaming now. I asked her to stop, I tell her it feels like she's beating me up for something I didn't do. She gets angrier if that's possible. She ends up throwing me out of the house. I think I said less than 20 words to her total, the rest was her diatribe. Anyway, the next day she wants to make up. What's really amazing (aside from me taking her back) is a couple of days later she tells me that she won't be able to be in a relationship with me if her kids (17 and 21 years old) have to see this kind of fighting. I reminded her that it was she that started the fight and did all the screaming and that I was pretty much just sitting there getting beat up. She actually looked at me and said "Well it doesn't matter, I will not have my kids seeing this, they've been thru enough" Umm WTF! This is how they make you feel confused, weak and powerless! Total Mind-FK...
Apr 1 - 9AM (Reply to #17)
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

mind f*cked....

yep...that was the psychonarc's favorite f*cking position..the mind f*ck...with him it began with..'so do you think you're BETTER than me?'...although now i KNOW that i'm better than him...at the time i didn't have a clue as to what he was talking about...he dragged me kicking and screaming into abject poverty...and when i complained he would sneer and say...'it doesn't bother ME bitch..so why should it bother you?...do you think you're BETTER than me?'.. yeah...i've been mind f*cked...and they don't use any KY jelly when they do it......
Apr 1 - 12PM (Reply to #18)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

attack dogs

oh yeah - the out of the blue, WTF comment to start an argument or make you feel bad... been there, done that... I'd swear if exNH wasn't saying something nasty or negative he'd keel over... ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Mar 23 - 9AM
Nothanx's picture


This has been the hardest part of my situation. He reacts calmly to things that should enrage him and overreacts to little things. He lies and avoids the truth when it would be to his advantage to he honest. He is honest when he should lie. He flirts when he should be respectful. He criticizes when he should feel sorry for someone. He feels sorry for people that don't deserve sympathy. ON AND ON AND ON... When we were done with an argument I shared the happenings with everyone that would listen because it was all just so confusing! This, of course, contributed to everyone in my life hating him because they had heard every little weird detail of our bizarre relationship. At times the behavior was so strange that I could not really explain it to anyone, which made me look crazy too.
Mar 23 - 6AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

A Narcissist's Perplexing Behavior and Backward Reactions to Thi

READ TOP POST ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Oct 28 - 5PM
agalliasist's picture


Wow scoop...that story is so similar to mine. My mom had died four months before I met my N in 2004. In march 2009 I lost my grandmother, my one and only guide in life and my best friend. Of course, after this I started thinking about my own mortality, the day after I buried my grams, I went to my N for comfort. (why, I don't know, I regret it to this day, but it was also a turning point in my understanding of who he really was!) I approached him easily as I knew commitments were hard for him to make...but after such a death it was a sensible discussion to me...life is short, right? So I tip toed in my vulnerable state about making more of a commitment to one another.....boy, did he turn cold. belittling, said he would never marry me because of this and that...I was a failure, a smoker, and when I got my act together..etc.... I couldn't believe it. I was so hurt, vulnerable and he kicked me down. The devastation was mind blowing to me. He never knew or cared who I was, what I was, the love and life I had in side me. How I personnally nursed my mom and my grams, holding them to their deaths. He didn't see, didn't care. This is what I have learned....DO NOT throw your PEARLS among swine. They will just chew it up like garbage and spit it out the other end. Nothing but an empty can with a hole at the bottom. And your pearls are far too precious.
Sep 23 - 6AM
Scoop's picture

"reacting with comtempt or

"reacting with comtempt or indiffrence to what should evoke sympathy" On hearing that my mother was gravely ill my narc finished with me and chucked me out of his house . I had contacted him in the day on msn saying i would like to come round as i had has this news in the morning and wanted to be with him . He told me not to come round as he wasnt ready to see me after an argument we had a couple of days ago . I told him i was coming round and he was going to do the right thing as he would kick himself in the future if he treated me with such coldness . (i gave him the oppertunity to do the right thing ) He text a couple of our friends saying that we wouldnt be at the meeting that evening as he was comforting me over the news of my mother . (he knew this was the right responce to give to others and made everyone know he was the model boyfriend ) I got round there and he accused me of using my mothers illness as a oppertunity to see him when he wasnt ready to see me and he couldnt do a relationship but he would think about it for a couple of days and come and see me on the weekend to tell me his decision on our future . Im am still open mouthed over this and it is almost impossible to know how i kept myself together for the drive home . The word perverted doesnt do this situation justice . My mother has been diagnosed with chronic lung disease . Heres the problem in my head i still am having a hard time getting that he is sick . I am still tying to see where i went wrong in this situation . im asking myself did i use my mothers illness to see him after an argumnet , am i the one in the wrong here as he says .I scream NO but he had me in such a state over the year i doubt myself . Heres what i know , i found out my mum was sick , i wanted comfort form my long term boyfriend . How can that be wrong .How could i have come out of that situation thinking i did something wrong ? What the hell did he do with my mind ? Peru x
Sep 23 - 6AM (Reply to #12)
dolce (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


He turned the situation around to be about HIM. He used it as a means to control you. He used your vulnerability to enmesh you back into his sickness. And his power, he wanted you to assume the power of the relationship to him was in HIS hands. Don't look for water in an empty well. ~Free to Be~
Sep 23 - 6AM (Reply to #9)
Scoop's picture

Can i also add that i

Can i also add that i thought the argument was over as he had sent me an email asking me to move in with him and start a family the day before . I forgot that bit , its no wonder my brain is mash potato ! Peru x
Sep 23 - 6AM (Reply to #10)
time_to_move_on's picture

my ex did something similar....

Peru, my mother died of cancer 6 mths ago. While she was in and out of the hospital I'd have rows with the ex. I once said, "I'm not sure when I can get to you but it would be nice to see you tomorrow". He made an excuse, and put me off (when usually he would have but he couldn't deal with it). When I shouted at him (I used to go mad, which he used against me) he'd then refuse to see me for days on end. I asked him to come to the hospital, and he said, "maybe another time when she goes in again" (this was the last time she went in). On the day she'd died, he came to mine, had already been drinking, went out with my brothers to "Pick up wine" and they left me with my aunt for a few hours while they got drunk. I probably wasn't acting rationally but I got angry with him. He then threatened to leave. I begged him to stay. Next day, I asked him to hold me for five mins.. he wouldn't as he said he had to go to doctors. I then lost my temper and threw a jacket at him and he pushed me around the kitchen. He then refused to see me for days (apart from sending me a "sex text" the day after my mother died). He told me I'd left him on his own as I'd got up at 3am to speak to an old friend as I'd had enough of him and my brothers. Wasn't even sure if he'd come to the funeral (by this point I wasn't sure if I wanted him there). He did come, got drunk on the night and was rude to my relatives. A week later he dumped me by text message as I refused to come round and speak about the relationship as my aunt was staying with me and I was shell-shocked. And I had him back 3 mths later (I think he waited until he thought "I'd be over it" so the attention could go back on him). Arrrghggh. I am glad to not be with him but I get such anger and hatred at times. He also told all his friends to think about me in my time of need (when my mother died) as he wanted to seem a nice guy. Sorry, this is a long one, having a bad day thinking about it. I still think at times maybe it's because I was stressed, and he was becoming homeless (another long boring story) but I think they are very good at twisting things, they want it all to be about them. I hope your mother is comfortable and getting good treatment.
Sep 23 - 7AM (Reply to #11)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

the same the same

my brother and I had to take my Dad off life support. ExNH wasn't too helpful. Psycho-Boy? Not a call... nothing. NADA. ZIP. Found out during that time he just went to his favorite brothel. He could have CARED LESS. 2 months before I found out all my fears about him were right I had to go into the hospital... just a few blocks from where he was working. I asked if he'd come visit me - his response "You MUST be kidding." He was just USING me. Unreal - these men are truly SICK!!! Now Psycho-boy tells everyone that I "knowingly played his game with him." Can I barf now? ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck
Sep 22 - 10PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Perplexing Behavior and Backward Reactions

SEE TOP POST ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck
Aug 31 - 7PM
dolce (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


Oh! You mean like after 9/11 my British N said "Good! It's about time America got it" ?? I couldn't believe my ears. I questioned him and tried to reach a part of him that might empathize, but it never got into his heart. The more I reacted to his hard heart, the more he stood up for his position. I had him look at a film that showed desperate people jumping to their death..and no reaction. I said there were children in that building! Nothing. We deserved it. wow!
Aug 31 - 8PM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


'hard heart'? what heart? Narcs don't have one they aren't human. exNH is a 9/11 survivor. When he finally got home late that night, covered in soot - he said "I know you wish I'd died but I didn't" WTF?! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. B
Aug 31 - 8PM (Reply to #3)
dolce (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


Interesting. So, he was a real victim, but still came home and played the game with you. Same dynamics. Thats amazing! The "poor me" game couldnt be put on hold even after a terrorist attack?! ...and the guilt goes on you of course!
Dec 13 - 1AM (Reply to #6)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Their Perplexing Behavior & Backward Reactions to Things

READ TOP POST ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Oct 27 - 11PM (Reply to #4)
Amazed's picture

Good Example

Something like 911 brought everyone together in the states. There was no one person who was not glued, and attentive to the state of our country, and had their heart out of the injured and survivors. The very idea that your N made that comment is wretched. I think Their twistedness is what they pride themselves on. Because they feel they are above it all, the law, everything. They think they can get away with anything, even murder. They think they can override the judicial system. What?
Oct 28 - 12AM (Reply to #5)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

he's made worse comments

they never believe the rules include them. EVER. exNH dragged me to MC with the biggest idiot counselor ever. I have talked about it before here but when he found out he still couldn't CONTROL me - he left and started physically abusing me which is when I physically left him and took the kids with me. One time prior I'd taken to him to relationship counseling. He lasted 2 sessions. Said I was "too convincing" and "turned all the counselors against him" and "had the counselors in my pocket"... LOL WTF?!?!?! My therapist finally told me NEVER EVER go to counseling with them if you even smell that you might be abused. NEVER! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help