Narc's Circle of Friends

Most Narcs, especially alcoholic ones, tend to hang around the same kind they are. All jacked up in the head circle of friends or they surround themselves with other Narcs, and they feed off of each other, never really receiving real friendship, just using each other as tools, but I guess that's not really friendship LOL

XN does not have any friends either and would admit it often. Like others have mentioned already, there are tons of people that think he poops rainbows, but they do not know him. They know the surface. I've not known XN forever, but in the 6 years we were together, he seemed to have one good friend, but ended up pushing him away because that's what XN does to anybody that gets close to him. I was talking to the friend XN pushed away the other day and it dawned on me that XN's-ex-friend seemed just as upset as I am. He said he doesn't understand what he did wrong and doesn't understand why XN talks down to him now the way he does. I felt so bad for the guy!

Narc has NO friends. At all. He has acquaintances that like him alot because he looks good, charming, educated and seemingly sophisticated. This also attracts business "friends" who think he is a great guy. He has NO long time friends...NONE. None from high school, college, past jobs, or even here in our town...that HE on his own has cultivated. My friends, and family, and my community were his "friends"...I brought every single person into our life that we associated with beyond workday. He now has in his arsenal...three divorced buddies. All who he can hang with. One is his business partner and 20 years older then he is. Another former neighbor who is 15 years older and a complete loser. And finally, the new girlfriend who belongs to the ever-coveted social circle of shallow hangers on that he always - I knew - desired to be a part of. NOW he can to his heart's content. But, does he find and support friendships? Never. Does he attach himself to the women's circle? YES. Will this change....NO. HE HAS NO friends...

Mine really doesn't have any friends. And he admits to it. Frequently. His own brother has no respect for him and neither do the guys in the firehouse. He has one friend that lives across the country that writes him prescriptions for Viagra and listens to him complain about his life. Overly obsessed with appearance and how others perceive him. Very lonely man, and has no personal tastes of his own on anything. Shit, this guy was a real prize, can't believe I let him go... :)

Yes, I can confirm that most of these people have very few, if any close friends in the normal sense of the word. My ex, the cop, had been partners at work with a guy for over 10 years on and off. The partner contacted me on f/b two months ago to tell me my ex went off on him over some personal b.s. (jealousy over the partner's apparent success with the ladies sparked it...surprise, a narcissist who's jealous!) in front of a room full of other officers...they haven't spoken or worked together since...the other officers think my ex is nuts after that display. If they feel threatened in any way by anyone, it's Katy, bar the door...gloves/mask/emperor's clothes come flying off without the batting of so much as an eyelash. These specimens are superficial on even the most basic of human levels. That is why they are such losers.

Most popular person I have ever known though no one really knows him but me. All the guys like to hang out with him: he is mellow, he smokes pot, he has giant TV, he is a good cook, he is accepting of others, he is ex-celeb and he is SICK! His friends, though some are jerks, all managed to get married and be semi-normal - he is the only one who cannot handle a relationship - he shows off for them and he is a follower, he is not one who makes it happen - he needs others to survive - after making millions with a famous name he could not figure out how to make a living and watched TV and flirted for years until one of the friends finally gave him a job. Then he abandoned me in about 4-5 weeks

My ex narc had two male friends that I know of... one from his childhood who seems to just kind of put up with the narc and keeps it at a distance. He seems to know the narc is what he is. The other is an unemployed weirdo who is kind of an uncle figure to the narc but seems to use the narc for money. He was like a tag-along to the narc. So the narc gets a friend who will always be there when the narc needs someone to pal around with, and the friend gets everything paid for. I think they also hang out and do drugs together, hit on women together (or pay for prostitutes), and are probably both closet gay with crushes on each other (weird vibes around them). He mentioned female "friends," but would then mention the same "friends" as if they were his call-girls that he had no love or respect for, but would take out to use as a woman on his arm and they would get money and gifts from him. He's rich, so he showers them with all kinds of gifts. But they aren't really, "friends." They're his prostitutes from his descriptions. The guy isn't capable of friends, anyway, so I imagine they just get what they want out of each other. He stays in touch with his ex-girlfriend's cousin, buying her a bunch of gifts, too. I think he just wants to keep tabs on the ex, and the girl enjoys gifts and probably gets a lot of flattery from him, so why not be his "friend"? The girlfriend I have who I am starting to realize is a narc as I stop being friends with her has gotten into fights with and lost friends through the years that I have known her, and now I am on my way out as well. SHe has a boyfriend that she controls and has latched onto his friends. Which is funny because she used to hate all of his friends vehemently. But her own friends? Nothing but drama with them. Or they aren't too close... more like acquaintances or associates. One friend she broke up with accused her of being a "friend of convenience... a friend when it is convenient only for HER." I agree. She is a trip. And she turns on different personalities around different people-- especially around men when she wants to be the cool,sexy girl, and according to her, they all want her. If they don't, she hates them. She does seem to want to associate with people who can do something for her as far as career or make her look good in some way.

Mine had friends to be his mirrors. To assure his ego, to tell him how great he is. He has long time friends, who are guess? Yes, arseholes. All "major dudes", a gang, who meets and screw women and then throw them, screw new women and then repeat. Live in total chaos, and their favourite part is to make a fool out of you, and then laugh on the "victory"!.. Sad, sad people.

mostly has friends that live far away... that he doesnt talk to all that often. neighbors that do things for him...but again they dont talk often. he once told me that people either like him or hate him...there is no middle.

What D40 said! Hunter

I feel the need to correct you here rose. No...they DO NOT HAVE FRIENDS. Not friends in the way we think of the term. They have either groupies, minions, or enemies. Period. No friends. You either are bowing down to them in some fashion. Or you are an enemy. I know what side I fall on. Lol They only USE people. There is no reciprocal anything with a narc. If they seem to ‘give’ someone something, it’s a falsehood. They are only giving in hopes of receiving. They don’t give just to give. Most narcs are not charitable. Very few tithe to churches, very few are missionaires…etc. They only ‘give’ to receive something. They do it as a means to an end. They can’t appear like the assholes they are from the get go…that have to APPEAR like they’re someone’s friend. But, only to get what they want. So, they don’t have casual, or meaningful friends. They only have people in their lives that serve a purpose. Either to kiss their a$$ or they perceive ‘friending’ the person as having a benefit. Perhaps, they friend attractive women, to make themselves look important. They perhaps friend rich people to look important. But, they don’t have true friends. So, just felt the need to make that distinction. Although, I know what you meant. Lol Frankly, in a nutshell...''friends'' of a narc are another form of supply for them. I noticed in all of my narc's friends...they all bolstered his ego. Even those that were not groupies, felt the need to bolster his ego. Laugh at his jokes even if they were't all that funny. Tell him how good looking he is, even though I don't think they believe it. They are afraid to become his enemy. That is one of the lessons I learned. I used to think...how can these people like him? How can they not see him for who he is? The truth is? They just don't want to become an enemy...as they see what he does to those who are his enemies. Better off never 'friending' a narc. It'll be a very empty relationship.

My ex's inner circle consists mostly of friends he's had for more than twenty years, including many ex-girlfriends from high school. Some of them are really nice, mature, responsible, married with kids, family-oriented. Others seem just like him - self-centered, manipulative. And others are unstable, have tons of baggage, are needy, who I figure he keeps close because he can look down on them and feel superior. But the one thing they all have in common is that they seem to adore him, which I've never been able to understand. I still miss him like crazy at times, too, but am I the only one who looks at the bigger picture, at the kind of person he really is, and stays away? How can they overlook that?

Yes, this was him and his friends. Casual Friends that he assumed were more intimate than they actually are and mortal enemies. I always wondered that I had absolutely nothing in common with any of his friends-- they were arrogant, self righteous people, off to save the whales and the world in that annoying 100% organic, green and sustainable way, and ready to condemn anyone who isn't exactly like them. The kind of person with "love" pasted all over their van, but with the nastiest sour expression on their face! They were paranoid-- think the world is ending in 2012, waiting for alien invasion etc....They will dismiss you with a conversation stopping look and judgemental statement. When I first met him he portrayed a healthy skepticism about these things. He would actually mock them. Then he morphed into one of them. I have to figure that he's narc-ing them, too. He's found an extreme group of people, and he has studied them. Now he's mirroring them to get their approval and adoration. Right now, he's trying to corral me into his little stable of admiring ex girlfriends and friends he has dumped but might need some time in the future. I'm not responding to his "thoughtful and caring" emails. You hit the nail on the head with this: "When every other word out of your mouth is about this stuff then I can tell you with absolute certainty that what is really being said is "I AM BETTER THAN YOU". And the message is being received LOUD AND CLEAR." No contact is my policy. It's hard, because they are charmers, but it works! Thanks for this post!

to be honest, I am filing this report that NH does not seem able to maintain friendship with Normal people. Time and again I have observed that his friends who appeared decent, empathic, unpretentious to me..just somehow melted away very soon. Only some cheapskate females and equally horrible guys(certainly appreared to be N or P)latched on to him. and then i never ever saw him go out and have a drink with the 'boys' or have a buddy night out. he was always hung up on some ow or the other and sleeping with ow appears to be the highlight of his life. it really seems he has no other hobby other than f****ing cheapskate women. you know, years back too i thought he was weird. but only NOW i know he is beyond weird..he is SICK. and then he would complain that i am socialising enough and that his horrid friends were not being graciously welcomed by me...c'mon..i told him off on this..i said..hey, i am not the city's sewage system to digest all those jerks..leave me out" and he left me out.. and began his saga with sex chats and prostitutes. in the early months of knowing him, i would feel like a raw fish out of water..egad.. he was psuedo as hecks. does it tell on my IQ that it took me 2 decades to put my finger on the Flaw? HOW could i be so trusting, believing...in short so stupid????

His friends exactly! The acquaintances just love him. Everyone that meets him, loves him. Once they get to know him, the tables turn. All close friends, friends from high school are wary. He's always trying to get people involved in something. A business, an idea, a living situation, on and on. When we were together he had so many people live with us or on our property. Most left angry. I never understood it. I was always so busy with the children. I consciously stayed out of it. I didn't mind friends staying. I didn't understand why they would leave mad. Now I know. He's a grifter. Anyone see that movie? Grifters. Anyway, you are exactly right. Acquaintance or enemy. And the only friends are single with money.

BTW - I'm a Gemini. My ex's friends were all very nice - normal, down to earth, caring types BUT none of them really hung around for too long once the mask came off. I think they just got fed up with his "I'm so busy attitude", moaning all the time, poor me stories, always sick and his competitive attitude and arrogance. Initially they were always fantastic buddies (which I thought rather odd) and then the next thing I knew they never saw one another because he had got fed up with always being let down and lied to by them. More like the other way round. Plus, I once witnessed an off the cuff "therapy" session during a Sunday lunch where he told this young couple (20 years younger than him) all about his dad and him, how they didn't get on and other poor me stories from his childhood. I sat there absolutely horrified, embarrassed and sickened. WTF planet was he on? I could not believe my ears and they were equally embarrassed too. He would even meet up with one particular male friend to "talk" about their friendship - happened a few times. God, the "let's talk" platitude - how boring that became. More like, "let's talk about me(him) spectacular". He thought he was the bees knees with his designer clothes and his taste in music - all looked and sounded like shite to me. He only ever wanted top of the range gadgets/toys for himself but he was dead stingy with everybody else. Definitely a sure case of "I am better than you". Dee x