N/C gets easier--stay the course

12 posts / 0 new

#1 Apr 6 - 9PM

narcissizednomore

N/C gets easier--stay the course

I'm almost at the one year mark of NC and feel I should tell everyone here who is still hurting, craving contact, missing the N, that for me what really helps is to remember all the terrible, bizarre behaviour and abuse and as painful as all that is, you have to go through it and then when you come out the other side, you will finally be so relieved that you haven't put up with any more the day you initiated NC. Life is truly great without an N in it!

I can say now that I have no desire to see him ever again or to rekindle the friendship. I am in the healing stage of forgiving myself for not knowing and being educated enough on this very real disorder that causes so many people emotional pain.

Yes, there are times I still obsess and revisit the pain, the hurtful words he's said, the strange behaviour. I admit, I wonder if he gives a flying f**k about how I feel...or how anyone feels for that matter.

I know in my heart, he is not a better person because of what he learned from losing me. I truly believe he is out there validating himself by continuing to be cruel to others and probably getting away with it most of the time. I have empathy for those people he hurts. I will not allow him in my life anymore. I know that but does he? Now, I think of him more as a freak of nature and almost non-human so it does not matter if he misses me, like it would if he were a normal man.

I am hopeful that he won't contact me anymore. I'm starting to feel safe and relaxed in my own home. No more anxiety when the phone rings either. I pray he is done with me as I am with him.

Hang in there, it gets better!

P.s. my circumstance was a 20 year friendship that turned into a 'fake' affair when he took advantage of me when I was diagnosed with RA and was in a lot of pain. He pretended to care and I believed him. I am happily married and have been for 25 years. It is so true when you get close to these types, that is when the mask comes off.

#2 Apr 7 - 11PM

michele115 (not verified)

Thank you for sharing encouragement...

I too suffer from something similar...it is especially painful when they fail to recognize one's suffering. I wish you all the best in your continued growth and that you are able to manage your health. Hugs...

#3 Apr 7 - 6PM

faithinthefuture

narcissizednomore

I am over my one year NC mark by a week What you have said is so true. It is relieving to get to the other side. The obsessive thoughts and the revisiting the whole relationship is still there. I know in time that will ease and eventually not matter to me. What is gone is the desire to want him back in my life. He doesn't deserve me. I want nothing to do with him and his lies and cheating and skanky life. EWWWWWWW!!! The thought of him anywhere near me makes my skin crawl. I thought he left without a single thought of me. But I have learned he put a picture of us on his FB months! after we were done and is putting out little vibes to people thinking it will get back to me and I would react and contact him. Has hell frozen over? Well then he's still going to wait. I will never contact him again. Last weekend I learned of the little mind games he's playing. Think it's called triangulation :-) And I will admit it got to me & I got pissed. Pissed a friend for not telling me what was going on & being said and pissed at at the person who told me he looked like shit & had put the pic on FB. I had a setback but realized NC truly means what every one says. No news of what the N is doing who he's with. NOTHING!!! I thought by hearing how f*d up he was doing it would help me. It didn't. I thought by hearing about things at times not all the time that it would help me truly face what happened. I didn't want to sweep it under the rug and have it bite me in the ass down the road. I wanted to feel all the pain and hurt and anger now and get it over with. What happened last weekend showed me I couldn't handle that. I hope someday. But I truly believe the wonderful support & advice here & NC is what's saving me.

#4 Apr 7 - 11AM

neverlookback

You have RECOVERED

WONDERFUL. It is amazing the longer time passes the sicker they get, I think its natural to feel the pain from them for many years, it doesnt interfere in your life but what is that saying, years later you will look back and laugh at this? I DONT THINK SO, NOT ME, there was NOTHING funny about the experience - well maybe HE will appear funny and odd to me but thats about it. The thought of them trying to re contact us, yes that is one of the things we ALL will have to be conscience of, because they are known for recycling us, they can vanish for a month, months or even years and come back when we are healed and stronger for another go round. I got some supply for him that he is NOT going to like, its called SILENCE and that will eat at him like nothing else. x0x0x0

#5 Apr 7 - 8PM (Reply to #9)

narcissizednomore

Yes, silence is golden isn't

Yes, silence is golden isn't it? They love the drama they cause and since they have no clue how to behave like a normal human being, they cannot even guess what we are thinking and feeling. It must drive them absolutely bonkers not knowing!!! No, I don't think I will ever laugh about this experience either.

narcissizednomore

#6 Apr 7 - 11AM (Reply to #8)

Susan32

Laughter is the best medicine...

Humor is something the ex-Psych prof didn't get. He'd end conversations, make an exit, or just plain RUN... if he thought he was being mocked. Saul Alinsky famously said that humor is the only weapon that people can't defend themselves against. The ex-P would say "People defend themselves from me by making fun of me." He would have to deal with being an OBJECT of ridicule... and I do mean OBJECT. I don't think the experience is funny either. I certainly hope that the ex-P won't mind being compared to a toddler who smears poop on his face to get attention... because it wouldn't eat at my conscience (but it would eat him ALIVE-he hated being compared to little kids, along with the ridicule)

#7 Apr 7 - 11AM

really

That's a very good story to

That's a very good story to share. I'm at about the same point. The only ongoing issue I have is that we live in the same neighborhood and the possibility of running into him or seeing his very identifiable vehicle exists daily. I hope some day I can not think about keeping an eye open. It's not an eye with a hope to see him/it at all! I just don't want to run into the f**ker anywhere!!! He's total fake, phony, jerk of a being.

#8 Apr 7 - 8PM (Reply to #6)

narcissizednomore

Really

I have the same problem..not in my neighbourhood, but he is in the same small town and I worry about running into him. I so agree with your words, "I hope some day I can not think about keeping an eye open. It's not an eye with a hope to see him/it at all! I just don't want to run into the f**ker anywhere!!! He's total fake, phony, jerk of a being." Oh ya, this is exactly what I feel to. I make lots of concessions to avoid him...I don't go downtown on his days off..Sun, Mon in case he is out shopping and avoid any social events where I suspect he might be there. Yup keeping one eye open sucks big time but so necessary!

narcissizednomore

#9 Apr 7 - 9AM

terri

Amen sister!

Well said and good for you!! Every sentiment you expressed is exactly how I'm feeling over the last year as well. It's really great to read successful NC stories - very reassuring and uplifting. Hugs.

Believe in yourself!
Terri

#10 Apr 6 - 11PM

ImStrong

Ive been nc since october and

Ive been nc since october and I feel like super woman a 100 times better..i watch him like hes not human or lower than dirt..im above all the haterz

"In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

#11 Apr 6 - 11PM

agreed

I'm at a year NC (only email contact on matters concerning child custody). He is in massive "control" mode now. He came to my house "worried about our safety" since I didn't answer his 8 phone calls. He told our child he'd ground her for 2 weeks if she didn't talk to him while she was with me. (She's 7) I said that's absurd behavior and his "punishments" do not apply in my home if I don't agree.

#12 Apr 6 - 11PM (Reply to #2)

narcissizednomore

You should have call display

You should have call display and only let your daughter answer when it is him. Stay N/C if you can. Hugs to you, as sharing a child makes it so very difficult to cut all contact. He can pry into your life through your daughter and I don't say this to scare you, just the reality of not being completely free from him. And I am not either. For me, the N is still friends with my husband who knows nothing about the infidelity. Their friendship is waning though, which I'm glad. I told the N two years ago not to come over unless my hubby is home and so far, he's too scared to do that. He hovered for a year though and he used to call and email me but I didn't answer. Now he leaves msgs for my hubby only, not me, but I see it as hovering and keeping himself in my head/life. I don't always give the message to my husband though, depends what mood I'm in.hahaha It's never anything important anyway. The last time he made contact with my hubby was by calling him at work. They are so sneaky! Suits me fine though. I don't need to hear his voice on my answering machine!

narcissizednomore

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