nc4me's story

After eight months something didn't feel right. He left his email open, intentionally or subconsciously perhaps, and I read the love story with the woman who was supposed to be an ex, and some hurtful things about me. There was some NC, but after several weeks, the phone calls came and I relented.

The next round lasted 9 months. Things were good, although in retrospect, there were probably a few red flags indicating his true personality disorder. In the last 6 weeks, things seemed really good; his words and actions told me he was in a relationship with me. But no sooner did a personal situation arise in my life than I got the letter saying it was over. He followed up with some very hurtful and confusing words - rewriting history as if that made it all true.

I ran to these sites, read the words, refreshed my memory about everything I already knew, and was reluctantly starting NC. I managed to avoid the "forward" email, but couldn't resist the suggestive one that quickly followed. What a mistake. That was followed up by the 1000th "My mistake. I'm sorry." As always, said with no emotion. It was equivalent to saying, "the sky is blue; the grass is green."

It's been one week. Your stories help me feel less alone and misunderstood. He was charming, but I realize he could pull that off because we were long-distance (another flag).

I was willing to accept the good/ignore the bad because the good gave me an escape from the bad another ex had created in my life.

I know I am a caretaker/codependent. I want to be better for me. I want the pain and obsession to stop. All of the words of encouragement and support here will help, especially when I see that I am not the only one over 40 still fighting these demons that started in childhood.