Need to hear from those who have gotten through the depression stage

If you are only 2 weeks out your brain will have only just started to process stuff. It's going to take a while. My recovery went like this: 1. Honeymoon period - just so glad to have peace, quiet and space. (About 2 months). 2. Shock - realising that I was allowed to be myself and then realising I had forgotten who I was before I met him. (Ongoing! This is fun and you rediscover all the great things about yourself that you had to suppress. But it feels scary to begin with). I had counselling to help me start the healing journey. My therapist was amazing. I shared my journey with my closest friends. 3. Disbelief - discovered I had been replaced after only 8 weeks and new OW pregnant. Wrote her steaming email warning her, got steaming email back, her telling me I was psychotic. Horror that he had picked someone so trashy (?!). The true start of realisation that he was a nut job with no standards and that I had just been "another one in the queue" and that he had lied to snare her, and me and all the women before me. Had insomnia, lost 10 kilos in weight. Contacted another ex girlfriend of his. She supported me and we were penpals for a year. She told me about his porn addiction and peadophilic photo collection. Threw up when I found out. (1 year.) 4. Numbness and depression - complete lock down. Hid myself away, just existing. Had no interest in my hobbies or any enthusiasm for life. Had started a tough course that I didn't have the emotional strength to do and had to quit. I was so paranoid about being seen as an abuse victim that I lost my self confidence and was constantly worried that I didn't fit in. (The whole of Christmas 2010. I never want to remember that bloody Christmas as long as I live!) But I started to seek out avenues to help as nobody had a clue why I wasn't picking myself up. Had anxiety attacks, bouts of crying non-stop, paranoia... 5. Anger - and boy was I angry! I swear for several weeks, I thought it would be a fantastic idea to cement gnomes to his garden wall and write the word paedophile across his front door, because he pretty much is one apparently!) But it spurred me on to beat him at his game and make my own happiness. I got a great job, moved to a beautiful new home, pushed myself to go out and make new friends. However, the anger really got to me at points (sometimes still does - I swear I wish I could punch him so hard he falls backwards and tell his new woman all the secrets he is hiding from her (dirty little old man)) so I sought help from an acupuncturist and a local Buddhist centre. Acupuncture is incredible. Do it! Meditation calms you right down and keeps you in the now. The anger comes in peaks and troughs because your brain is adjusting its chemical levels now you aren't living with an unpredictable lunatic any more. I sold every reminder of my ex - all the presents, books, clothes I wore when I was with him, EVERYTHING! Get the sod out of your life so you aren't reminded every half an hour when you walk past a memento of your old life. Apparently anger is the final stage before you reach acceptance. I am accepting more and more but it's taken me well over 18 months to get there. I am actually starting to feel indifference about him now. There was a time when one photo would have made my blood boil but now I don't care. I am feeling his power over me less and less. He is a sad excuse for a man who should be ignored. I wrote down my story and that really helped. It separates you from the experience and you can then read it and share it with other survivors. We need to do this so we are validated. Our experience wasn't a myth. Please read my story in the Share your Story section - I hope it helps you a bit. Weirdly, having started to try to get to the compassion stage, I have found myself trying to be more tolerant of people. I am slowing down my walk through life so that I can really get the measure of people. Life is a long time, what's the rush? Keep things blurred for a while, don't commit in a rush to anything, just get on with your thing. John Lennon said that life happens when you are busy living it. I would recommend that you take time to heal, your way, in your space and you do what feels right to you. Don't force your emotions. They will come out when they're ready to. This is like a grieving process. You are mourning a relationship that never was and you are mourning that you were never really noticed or appreciated. I thoroughly recommend acupuncture, meditation, treats to make you feel special, making new friends (when you're ready to), going to new places, spending time with your family, reading a few good books, singing at the top of your voice and going to the top of a hill and shouting "Mr X X, you are a loser! You will never have me again!" Also, at some point, you need to look at what your part to play in it all was. I'm not whiter than white. In revenge during the relationship, I hold my hands up to the following: 1. Dropping his car keys down a drain when he wasn't looking. 2. Dunking his toothbrush in the toilet, many, many times. 3. Dunking his sat nav in the toilet because he insisted on using it if I was driving because I was so crap at directions. I'm not actually (bastard). 4. Cutting several of his disgusting 70s ties in half but then making it look like they were still intact. 5. Putting half a rotten fish down the back of the fridge the day I moved out 6. Slowly sending a lot of his hoarded junk to the dump so that when I moved out he had hardly anything. 7. I confess to enjoying winding him up. Just as he belittled me, called me names, controlled my behaviour, so I found ways to twist him a bit. It's called mirroring. The thing is you're doing it to survive but this makes you as low as them. It's best just to leave the nasty little buggers to it. They'll keep on making a mess of their life whilst you enjoy peace and quiet and the company of NORMAL people. Sorry, this got a bit long but I hope it helps you. Don't think that you should be all healed and ready to go after a month. You'd be kidding yourself. Be fair to yourself and take some time to get over this. It's horrible but it gets better, a lot better and one day you realise that you're fine and the world is okay again and people respect you, listen to you and some even fancy you! ;-) xxx

do you realize just how NEW you are out of the relationship, 1 was a walking basket case at your stage, reading all I could, being on this website, 2 1/2 plus years now, going to therapy where the therapist said,' onwithmylife, you have situational depression,' crying my eyes out to the therapist. It would be great if you could find a good therapist who understands NPD and other personality disorders, the people who helped me out were lifesavers. this is NOT any easy recovery by any means, do your homework, and you will recover, I did, even though it has takem me several years extra of my life.i could barely work, sleep, eat at your stage and he dumped me, at least you went out on your own terms, bravo............it takes discipline not to check your filtered mail and the willpower to know it is the right choice. you can do it..............

are so normal at this stage. Two weeks NC is early, early, early and very painful. Crying, believe it or not, is good. Here's a blog that I hope will help you on that: http://www.lisaescott.com/2011/02/19/dont-be-afraid-cry Ibis, dearheart, the depression stage is hard. The key is to not expect to be dancing on the rooftops after just two weeks NC. The pain from the illusion is raw and it hurts. Be easy on yourself. You're allowed to feel hurt and sad, the key is to ride it out. Know that it won't last forever and that you WILL get your old self back. I just posted a blog today about the early, early stages of my journey and maybe it will help you. I hope so. One thing I did was to FORCE myself to start a gratitude journal where every single day I had to come up with something (or things) I was grateful for. Some days it was simply "my cat." or "hot water". But the more I did it, the more things I found to be grateful for and it just built on itself and suddenly I didn't feel so bad because in black and white I saw the things that were good in my life. In that regard, I also wrote two lists. It helped to "Get it Out." One list was the so-called "good" the disordered freak brought into my life. The other was the "bad." When I started writing honestly, the good list had four things on it. Four things after six years! The bad list grew to four pages before I even knew what I was writing. The words flew out and my pen flew across the pages. That helped me shift from being sad because the REALITY of what the relationship was there in black and white was nothing to be sad about! I hope this helps you some. It worked for me in the early stages, which is really, really hard. YOu can do it and it will get better. Be easy on yourself, dear ibis. You will make it through. Keep posting, we are here to help you stay the course. The hard work is so worth it! Hugs to you from, (determined to never again be) spinning.

You have to start at the beginning to get to the finish line.. Every time you give up you take a step back., Just do it .. You'll get there .. I promise . Hunter

it changes a tiny bit every day, you cry less,the mere mention of his name doesnt bring instant tears to you eyes,we have been apart 2 months but I still hear occasionaly from him for something stupid and prolly will till all the legal stuff is over with. I wish I could help more I still have pain and tears but there just less is all.