Need some advice... or re-affirmation..

I haven't heard from my Narc since last Friday when he texted me to tell me he would call me on Saturday. Prior to that, we had barely spoken for a couple of weeks as I was, I guess, being 'punished' for going to the lake to spend time with my daughter and some friends.

He never did call or text or reach out in any way; not on Saturday, not on Sunday, not on Monday; not today. I have no desire to reach out like I usually would have by now. But I'm not and I don't want to even hear his excuses and bullshit about how much he loves me and he just couldn't find a second to make time for me over the weekend and how he'll make it up to me later.

Even though I don't want to talk to him or reach out to him.. I am struggling. Tomorrow he is supposed to be having a heart procedure. I don't know of all of the details as when I have asked he just quits responding (I am thinking just to make me chase him more to find out what's going on).

Saturday he was supposed to call me to chat and fill me in on what is going on with his procedure. I know that he knows (or thinks) that there is no way I am going to let all this time go by and let him go into his procedure tomorrow without me reaching out to him to wish him well, good luck, thinking about him, love him, etc. But I know I can't. But I also know he's ANTICIPATING, EXPECTING and WAITING for it.

It's so crazy.. like, he has been blowing me off and playing silent treatment games and acting like he has no interest in talking to me since I went to spend a weekend at the lake.... but I KNOW he wants to. This is just his game as I am starting to see. He's waiting for me to break down like I (almost) always have before and call - he is COUNTING on the fact that I have a huge heart and have always been there for him and never let him down. Even though he has consistently let me down and disappointed me, it is still hard for me to let someone else down - that I have cared about.. even if he never really cared about ME.

Even though I don't have the desire to reach out and get burned again... it is still hurting me. It hurts me that it just has to be this way. That he just couldn't be who I needed him to be or wanted him to be, or thought he WAS.... and now I have to turn my back on him when he is going into something serious tomorrow. It just hurts today.