need support tonight

X2..oh yea, I got this under control, NC for approx 3 weeks whilst he's carousing with someone he proclaimed to have "hated" as they were together before and she cheated on him with his competition, sure buddy, but I digress. NC was initiated by me; he also changed his mobile number, which I had no idea as I never tried to call it. I do not fool with him at all via any social networks, emails, messengers, etc. Get a text, strange number, I do not respond, he continued on until the wee hours of the morning. Finally, I txt..."who is this please"? he lets on who it is, immediately my emotions went haywire, but I felt I was detached emotionally, I was seeing someone platonically, enough to keep my thoughts and such from N. I do not respond, he continues the charade, finally hitting me with "why do YOU have to be so difficult"? I just want us to be friends; mind you 3 weeks prior he said he hated my guts, lol, how childish. I laughed at him, lol, no sense of humor these types. He says I see YOU’RE still playing games. Oh joy, long story short I caved, he went on to tell me how "she" was accusing him of cheating, pressuring him about marriage so on so forth, said he had no place to go, no ride to work, I accommodated him for about a week, bam! They have made amends and now once again I'M creating problems, and he can't be around me anymore, lol. I did not handle this well, crashed and burned, he got me, name calling, she called me, narc-mare all over again, I stopped speaking with my other buddy, for your own good/sanity....don't dance with the devil, you will be burned, I'm still putting out the fire, lol. I was able to view his cell records, got rid of that ability, it was my phone my account, I snatched it out from under him, he also has a roommate whom my sis is good friends with, as well as myself, for the time being I do not communicate with his roommate , you may want to consider that as well, I know it’s a shame to have to do it, but for me, I can’t hear anything about him, them, whatever right now until I can get some footing around here, best wishes.

Oh, boy, I know that feeling when all of the sudden you just want him to hug you, you just want to sit next to him and put your head on his chest, you just want to see him smile and call you "baby." I guess you just have to remember that that stuff is drugs--his hugs and smiles and kisses. It's drugs, and in recovery there are moments when we think, "It wasn't so bad to be addicted" or "I can handle just a little." But then you have to start all over again, and the kicker is that every time YOU NEED MORE DRUGS THAN YOU DID LAST TIME. You've seen what an addicted, crazed animal I became on those drugs, always worse after some time NC and going back "just for a minute" or "just to be friends." Don't do it. I understand the feeling of the shark gathering to attack, too. It makes you really shaky and jumpy wondering what he's going to do, if he is going to do anything, and when. Just stay calm. You can do it.

Oh, boy, I know that feeling when all of the sudden you just want him to hug you, you just want to sit next to him and put your head on his chest, you just want to see him smile and call you "baby." I guess you just have to remember that that stuff is drugs--his hugs and smiles and kisses. It's drugs, and in recovery there are moments when we think, "It wasn't so bad to be addicted" or "I can handle just a little." But then you have to start all over again, and the kicker is that every time YOU NEED MORE DRUGS THAN YOU DID LAST TIME. You've seen what an addicted, crazed animal I became on those drugs, always worse after some time NC and going back "just for a minute" or "just to be friends." Don't do it. I understand the feeling of the shark gathering to attack, too. It makes you really shaky and jumpy wondering what he's going to do, if he is going to do anything, and when. Just stay calm. You can do it.

I can only tell you how I feel, my N broke off with his gf, and it gave me relief, but the new contact lately, made everything worse, cause before I could tell myself, that he rejected me cause of HER. But being rejected for no reason at all (in case its true and your N and the OW broke off), is thousand times worse. Safe yourself the pain, Scoop. Maybe its really the moon, but I am feeling low today, so low, I dont know where my head is. Hugs!

So sorry, scoop. I have been having too many thoughts about the exN too, even tho I haven't seen him in 8 mos and haven't heard a word from him in a long time. Curiosity is part of it, but the bigger part was my dear friend's birthday on fri. She died almost 2 yrs ago and it brought up such a realm of emotion, I didn't expect to be so affected. I think all the grief just all came pouring out. I slept for a long time and for the first time in a while dreamed of him. I was tempted to text, but I didn't because the silence from him is what I have been praying for for too long but I did do exactly what I knew I would - look at his cell phone record as it is still on my computer. I saw, by the lack of his usual barrage of use, that he is most likely using his secret phone more than his regular one now, which means he is living his secret life more than his regular one now, which means I want nothing to do with him at all. It was a gathering strength moment. I wish I could tell you something to help you, girl, aside from suck it up and remember everything that brought you here in the first place. And stay strong in your convictions. I wish there were more I could say, I just wanted you to know I hear you, and we are all here. You, like I, have gained so much ground in these past months, please think how horrible it is to start over again. I remember back in the days, before I knew any better, how I would agonize over our separations and the moment he was back, I would be wondering what the hell was I thinking?. It was like having that drug hit again and immediately realizing that you really didn't want it again, you just needed a moment of relief. Stay Strong. Remember everything. almostlydia

This is exactly what I was afraid of! When you hear of something like this it really sets your mind in motion, and I mean like a blender. I'll bet your brain is going 90 miles (or kilometers) per hour! This is good though, that you are admitting up front that you are worried that you might succomb to any hoover attempts from him. You can handle this, I know you can. However he tries to contact you, if he does, you have time to process and decide (or let us help you decide :) ) how to react. He doesn't deserve any immediate response from you if any. If he emails or texts, post it here and we will tell you what a load of BS it is and repeat why it's not real. If he calls, DO NOT ANSWER!!! Let it go to voicemail. Then you can listen to the message and again, process it in your mind. With all you know about NPD now, you have an advantage. You can analyze what he is saying and what it means. You have come so far and you don't want to undo it all for nothing, and yes, I am saying he is nothing! On the flip side, if he doesn't contact you, that stings too. Let's be honest, we all want them to want us, even if we don't want them back. You know he's in a position to want to reach out, but what if he doesn't? That sets you back in the tailspin of not feeling good enough. But again, we can help you through that with no judgement. Damn them and damn us finding out anything about them. I really feel for you right now, and we are all here to help. I feel confident in saying this for everyone on this board. Good luck and stick close to the board. You will come through this as long as you don't react out of emotion.

what I'm going to say is going to hurt you and I'm sorry for that. I really am. he's hoovering becuz the OW is gone and he knows you will be there for him. Until the next OW comes along and he D&D you. Please don't let him do that to you! I know the feeling of wanting that hug from him and hell yeah we think it'll feel good. but it's not true on his part. it's not for you. it's only for him. selfish basterd! And then he'll leave you for someone else and that hug will make you feel lower than you do now. He's going to use you and then throw you away. We are their backup. And we mean nothing to them. I know that cuts to the heart and it hurts like hell. even worse. but it's the truth. they don't care about us scoop. they only care about themselves. they aren't going to change for us. Stay here on the board and listen to all the responses you're going to get. We do care about you.

How did you find out that this is over between him and the OW? only one way to go...Forward (tm?)