Needing a little less lonely

Drove past the house this morning, was half asleep driving to work and wasnt paying attention, didnt turn when I needed to to avoid the house. First time since May 16. At 6 in the morning her truck is parked in the driveway, she lives across the street! Why is the truck parked in the driveway? Even more WHY THE HELL DO I CARE. I shouldnt. I mean my story alone is enough reasons to run as far as i can the other way. But it isnt so much the other woman as it is, how come it is so easy for him to move on. To move forward, to act as if I never happened. I am really struggling with this. I am barley breathing, overeating, not sleeping, being swallowed up by flashbacks and he is boinging the next door neighbor. I am tired of being a nobody. I am tired of hurting all the time. I read on here this morning where someone commented that thier family noticed they seem happy, no dark circles, no anexity. My mother told me just yesterday I look horrible, fat tired, and miserable. She told me i should have waited to get pictures done with the kids until i could "take care of that" meaning my weight. I cant even seem to get control over what I am eating. I wish there was a way to bump my head and forget everything so I could have a "happy" life. Saturday night I played outside past ten with the kids, spraying them with water, just because we could, it was a good feeling to hear them giggle, smile and belly laugh. I want more of that. I want to feel that way. They are so doing better, I dont want that all taken away after Wednesday. At what point will I get to move on, and swallow this lump in my throat?

Gonna be a long week guys, sorry, youre all I have right now.