New relationship success?

I haven't been here for about two weeks, kind of really liking the new site. Anyway, welcome...Isn't this the most wonderful site to stumble upon? It has helped me immensely! I was married to an N for almost ten years...it was horrible! Four years ago, the N abandoned my two children and I. About a year and a half after my husband left,(I was still depressed and obsessed)my sister insisted I meet someone. I had no desire to meet anyone. I didn't realize that my husband was an N, and though he was abusive, mistreat me, etc-nobody else could compare in my head to him. He was all I wanted...(was I crazy?) Anyhow, my sister introduced me to this guy. It was very akward. Immediately, I thought, "no way!" I wasn't attracted or anything. I didn't give him my number but my sister did. He eventually called me and I decided to accept, when he invited me to a ballet. I actually enjoyed his company. We became friends. Soon, I realized how shallow I had been to compare him physically to my ex, who I thought was gorgeous. This new guy was "gorgeous" on the inside. Our friendship grew into a deep relationship...though not without complications from me. I think that I definately entered into it too early. But, then I didn't know now what I do about NPD. I just thought that I had to "get over it" and the fact that I couldn't meant there was something wrong with me. Now I know it is a result of the abuse and mind warping games that the N's play on our psyche. Thankfully, this awesome guy has been extremely patient with me and is still with me after three years. We were engaged really early on, but he thought that I needed to work through some things first, which I am. It was a process...you know? It took several factors for me to get to where I am today. This website helped push me over the edge to the point of actually recovery. This isn't to say, that I don't have "my days" which are usually around that time of the month. I had a major one last month right before Christmas...after a couple days and many forum readings here, i got through it. But about great guys being out there--sure there is. I met one and thank my lucky stars each day for him. He has character, patience, he puts others before himself, loves me and my children, is a hard worker, spoils me...I could go on and on. As a matter of fact, on Saturday, it was my birthday. He came over, took me to breakfast, put away all my Christmas things, did ALL my and my children's laundry, took me shopping for an IPod touch, then took me out to dinner at a fancy restaurant that evening. What a guy. I love him so much. What was I ever thinking when i believed the N was my whole world? There is so much more out there.

I can tell you one thing that I learned though..Never look for love....It will always happen when you aren't looking...I agree getting yourself back into a whole being after all this has happened is the most important..And never rely on a man financially...be independant as much as possible.I am so glad I was all these years...I'd be in worse shape..

yeah my N was missing a tooth on the side!!..lol..I know..I still battle things in my head a bit.But I have been blessed by God for the man her put in my life at the right time...I was talking to a few that just made things worse and made me feel like I missed the N..But I have one now that is very attentive,cares when I'm sick,thinks of me..He is mature and actually doens't let men tell him what to do(unlike my ex-N who was a follower_..He is his own man...And get this I don't have to wipe his arse all day to be NOT appreciated.I am appreciated just for being me..The more I did for the N the more I wasn't appreciated..I am thankful that God put the man in my life at the time I needed a change.It is long distance and it is healthy that way,soon it won't be.I am realizing that the N was no man at all and it is important for me to look for qualities in a man for my children.I don't want a pot-smoking,cheap,disrespectful no mannered man around my kids..

I'm three and a half years out and so far, I haven't had the desire. I'm positive there are good guys out there, even the most "generous" statistics say only 20% of people are personality disordered :D What's happened with me is that I don't see having a love relationship with that special someone as something I need for basic happiness. It could be my age and that I COULD still reproduce but am not gonna LOL. I needed to find what *I* could do to make my life the way I wanted and needed it to be. I see a lot of ladies looking for a man to provide those essentials for them. It's something that's shoved down our throats from birth. Men can live for themselves, but women must have a *man* to complete them, to be a real woman. Lots of interesting new thoughts have come up for me since I got rid of the narc :P and I've found myself. If a special guy came a long, he'd better like geese or pfffft on him. A special guy, to me, is gonna be icing on the cake, but what I do for myself is the cake :)

I am two years out and only now starting to think about dating, have not met anyone i feel any connection with yet, but moving to another state and still have faith I can be in another GOOD relationship this time, there are good men out there, it is just not easy to find one to connect with, in my experience.A good man is kind, caring, respects who you are, loves you for who you are, you will know when you see one!

I wonder about this too. Are there normal men out there? What is a normal man?