NO CONTACT

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#1 Feb 26 - 4PM

moving on

NO CONTACT

Hello Beautiful Ladies!
I think it's time for me to start No Contact again. I've been busy trying to bust his butt with a lawyer and have gotten NO REACTION and NO MONEY. I'm going to forget it. I haven't been able to sleep or have any sort of piece of mind. The amount of time I've spent on seeking justice and over-thinking/over-analyzing this man could have been spent learning Spanish or learning how to drive a manual. Two of the many goals I want to accomplish before I die. Anyway, I'm giving myself the weekend to de-clutter. Come Monday March 1st, I plan to make every effort to keep myself away from thoughts of him and catch myself and veer away when I do. I've enlisted a close friend to keep tabs on me as well. I want to be held accountable. That is the only way this is going to work. I don't want him to have any type of satisfaction that he is still on my mind. I don't have anything to prove to a man like that. My life was wonderful before he came into it and I want it to be wonderful again after he left. Who cares about his girlfriend and his freaking disorder. That's not my freaking problem. I did my part in warning her. I did my part in trying to get my money. That's it. No more. I'm done. It's time for some serious recovery. F*** you bitch! LOL sorry I vent with profanities. Love you all and I hope the path to recovery is smooth and restorative of your souls. I will be writing here to track my progress and I don't want to ever have any contact, direct or indirect, with this crazy mofo ever again as far as I can control it.

#2 Apr 1 - 10PM

moving on

Question

Would it be better to have just a picture of the N on datingpsychos or of the OW and him? FYI - I have deleted my own FB just to avoid any issues/drama that initially started because of FB. I wish I never had FB and then I would have never met this man who took full advantage of me! I hate him so much. Anyway, let me know the best course of action. Thanks.

#3 Apr 1 - 11PM (Reply to #55)

Barbara (not verified)

moving on

no - she could come after you big time then. legally. Additionally it will look like jealousy - which is not what you want to put forward here. you can post HIS picture ALONE. do it. ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

#4 Apr 2 - 12AM (Reply to #56)

moving on

Thanks Barbara

I posted his profile back up on datingpsychos. It's reassuring knowing that the link to the profile is always on the first page of Google when you type in his name. By the way, she posted a profile of me back in Feb on the same site when I initially posted his profile. I guess to show that two can play at that game, and her just assuming it was me as there is no concrete evidence. I found out it was her who posted the profile about me (classic action of N supply) in a roundabout manner but made her take it off from an email from a lawyer friend. She deleted mine within an hour of receiving the letter. For being in law school, she wasn't exactly using her schooling and trying to show the N she was on his side. N was probably watching her do it and telling her what to write...anywho, I agree with you about them thinking I'm jealous if she's included in the pic so I just put up a pic of him alone. Thanks for your support through my healing Barbara. Today was day 1 of NC and I think I can do it now after a trial run :)

#5 Mar 30 - 10PM

moving on

Sooo..

I deactivated the fake FB profile where I was friends with her. Now I just have to promise myself I will NOT google her or him. I don't even care about him anymore. I just care about what she is doing. I'm a weird-ass. Well I had a question, if i go to the datingpsychos website where I've posted a profile of him to change the pic or update the description, is that violating NC?

#6 Mar 31 - 1AM (Reply to #49)

Barbara (not verified)

moving on

No but don't do it too often. have you exposed him on any of the other sites?? ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

#7 Mar 31 - 9AM (Reply to #50)

moving on

Actually...

I had him exposed on stop the act as well. But last night I decided to remove both the dating psychos and stop the act profiles. I just don't want to be tempted anymore and if I continually update them, they might read it and think that I'm stalking them or something and I don't even want them to have that pleasure. I just want to erase them both from existence in my mind. NC starts today. Day 1 (again) :)

#8 Mar 31 - 2PM (Reply to #51)

Barbara (not verified)

moving on

exposure is not stalking - its a gift you give yourself and others ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

#9 Mar 31 - 2PM (Reply to #52)

moving on

Exposure

I agree that exposure is a gift. Are you saying I should reconsider posting?

#10 Mar 31 - 2PM (Reply to #53)

admin

exposure

heck yes

#11 Mar 30 - 11AM

moving on

What did I do?

I started NC on March 1st and was doing really well. I have a fake FB profile and am friends with the OW. She doesn't know it's me of course. Her brother got married March 20th and she posted pictures on her profile. I couldn't resist and looked at them. I was surprised to see the N was her date and had completely infiltrated the wedding festivities. He was involved behind the scenes and even took a picture with the mom. It was pretty disgusting seeing that after a month and knowing that he was brainwashing this family on purpose. The wedding was huge, must have been like 500+ people and very pricey. I'm sure he thinks that her parents will be spending that on his wedding once he proposes to this girl. The girl looked good too but I couldn't help but notice that there was some awkwardness in their body language. He seemed kind of standoffish the whole time. And in each picture he was holding his cell phone, as if waiting for someone to call. It was just weird. I didn't do anything after looking at the pictures. I actually felt really good knowing that she was stuck with his a$$. Then yesterday I googled her just out of curiousity and a docket pulled up saying she has to appear in court April 1st for 3 violations: failure to provide insurance, speeding 86/60mph and failure to appear. Ironically the first two offenses occured the first day I went NC! :) The failure to appear was March 24th. I'm positive that Narc had something to do with this. Maybe she was going to see him and had to rush because he claimed to be dying or something. You know how those N's are dramaqueens! Anyway, I de-cluttered my whole life of this man EXCEPT for this one FB profile. It's not even his, but his GF's and the only reason I kept it was because it took a little social engineering prowess to even get to the point of her accepting me as a friend. I just don't want to give it up. But as long as I have it, I know that I am indirectly in contact w/the N because I know they are together through her. I guess I want to keep it because I'm hoping one day I will sign in and see that she has a new man and dumped his butt. Then I will delete the profile. But it could also happen that one day I sign in and there she is with a Walmart Cubic Zirconia ring (prob all he can afford) and they are engaged...I'm not sure how I would feel about that. But I know that I FOR SURE am better off and that her HELL is just about to begin. I really hate the fact that I don't have any control over the situation. It's basically a train wreck that I have to watch occur. I shouldn't even care because I don't know this girl and after I exposed him she obviously doesn't care about his past either. It's like she just wants to get married. Even on her profile she wrote that she LOVES weddings! I just can't imagine giving my whole life up to someone just so they would marry me. I mean that is so desperate. But I guess I was there last year when I met the N and did whatever he wanted me to... Anyway, any thoughts on a course of action? FYI - N is still listed on datingpsychos.com. Ha!

#12 Mar 30 - 2PM (Reply to #43)

Barbara (not verified)

moving on

you have NOT gone NC on him or her. do so - now. You don't have to WATCH anything. moving on - stop it - start healing. You are NOT moving on ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

#13 Mar 30 - 4PM (Reply to #44)

moving on

I didn't realize

that it would be so hard to control my urge to type in a few letters and press Enter. It really bothers me that I have such a lack of discipline for this. I want to move on...I must delete the FB profile to make this happen and I can't continue Googling her. I feel horrible that I wasted another month but the good part is that the first 18 days of the month were complete NC, so it is totally possible. I will start again tomorrow. Thanks Barbara.

#14 Mar 30 - 7PM (Reply to #47)

enoughalready

Yeah. I blocked him on FB,

Yeah. I blocked him on FB, emails and cell to prevent any temptation I might have knowing the obsessive-compulsive part of myself. I go to another gym, avoid near-by streets he may travel, certain grocery stores he may visit. Everything possible to make him dead in my life and still uncertain circumstances like passing him on the highway triggered harsh angry memories. Thank God I was in a loaner car as my car was in the shop. I know if he would have seen me-he would have gotten some type of joy knowing he affected me somehow. I hope to move sometime this year!

#15 Mar 30 - 6PM (Reply to #45)

janetc

urge to look at their stuff

I don't understand why these guys have this effect on us, but many of us feel this way. It is part of the trauma/after effects/cognitive dissonance? After I had kicked mine out...I still had the program on his computer, and could look at everything he did/typed, every e-mail, every web site visited. I was like a moth driven to the flame, kept looking at what he was doing/saying about me, and it did nothing but cause me more pain. In my case, I had NO will power and the reports were coming to an e-mail account I had set up, so I turned the e-mail account over to my brother, and he changed the pw so I COULDN'T look, and he WON'T let me know/look! I didn't want to totally delete the account, I may need some of this info for the divorce. Figure out what works for you, have someone help you and hold you accountable (or all of us will be your cheerleaders!!) Looking at anything they are doing is breaking the NC, and it just causes prolonged pain/trauma! Been there and done that!

Janet

#16 Mar 30 - 6PM (Reply to #46)

Barbara (not verified)

janet

if you get the new WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS or search this board you will see how these predators actually CHANGE our brain chemistry and hormones with their trance induction and hypnosis. Yes, you heard right... on the MY BLOG section at left - look for THREE articles entitled AM I UNDER HIS SPELL? once these guys D&D us, we are still left with 'hyperarousal of the nervous system' - sometimes short term medication is needed but counseling with a therapist who GETS it about PTSD, anxiety and the effect these predators have on us and our physical well being is key. ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

#17 Mar 23 - 10AM

cynthia (not verified)

no contact

close to two months,

#18 Mar 23 - 9AM

moving on

3 Weeks NC

Hello ladies! March 21st was three full weeks of NC.It is really working. Though I still have my moments when I think about him and it bothers me a bit. But overall I think I'm on the road to recovery.

#19 Mar 23 - 10AM (Reply to #40)

quietude (not verified)

Yay!

Congrats on 3 weeks! Hey, I still think of my ex, but the image is very distorted, twisted, weird, disturbed, and pathetic..just like he is! I was still pretty sad and heartbroken, somewhat romanticising at the 'lost dream' at that time, not really understanding what was happening. At that point, not even 100% convinced that I was never going to take him back...ugh! I don't even think I found this site until about a month after...THANK GOD I finally did...whew! Still soooo early on girl, you are doing great for only 3 weekds NC...stay with us, keep reading. Hope you're doing some nice things for yourself!

#20 Mar 15 - 4PM

moving on

2 Weeks NC

Hello ladies! Yesterday was 2 full weeks of NC for me. I almost can't believe I made it this far without ANY contact on my part. It kind of feels good knowing that you can control yourself and that the way you deal with things in life governs your peace of mind. Anyway, today will be day 15. Super excited!! It's hard sometimes when I start thinkin about it again but I just have to erase it from my mind and get back to what I was doing. Take carE!!

#21 Mar 11 - 10PM

moving on

Day 11

Going strong. I get an urge to look at the wedding website of the - ok get ready - N's girlfriend's brother. He is getting married on March 20th and the only reason I know is because I met his fiancee during NYE. Anyway, his fiancee is a BEAUTIFUL model and the brother is not really all that good-looking...but he (or his dad at least) is loaded. Maybe she is an N just like my N who went after the brother's sister for the money, which I warned her about. Sorry if that came out complicated. Anywhooo, i HAVE NOT looked at the website but I know I will be tempted to after the wedding takes place. Primarily to see if the N is still in the picture. I should not really care but I am curious if my warning her worked or if she's brainwashed for the long haul. In addition, this would be indirect contact (I'm pretty sure it falls under one of bullet points in that No Contact summary) and I am doing so well I doubt I will mess it up. But just wanted to know your thoughts.

#22 Mar 11 - 10PM (Reply to #30)

Barbara (not verified)

moving on

no more looking at ANYONE OR ANYTHING EVEN REMOTELY CONNECTED TO HIM... why are you doing that? what did it accomplish? NO CONTACT! ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

#23 Mar 23 - 11AM (Reply to #37)

Classie

I so agree with your

I so agree with your statement: "No Contact!!" It does not help in the process of healing. That also includes, driving by the NARC's house, going to places where he is known to be, contacting the NEW supply source (the new woman in his life), vewing his FaceBook page, etc. None of the above promote healing. Plus, your NARC would be flatterd if he caught you doing any of these things. He would have you in the palm of his hand, once again. DON'T DO IT!

#24 Mar 12 - 9AM (Reply to #31)

moving on

Barbara

Ahh! I didn't break NC Barbara!!! I was just drawing out a hypothetical. This is my 12th day of NC and still going strong. I've followed the NC link you gave me down to the tee and it's working like no other. I really just want you all to talk some sense into me when I'm having thoughts of straying from the promised recovery through NC. Love you all!!

#25 Mar 12 - 9AM (Reply to #32)

Barbara (not verified)

here's the talking sense... again:

why are you doing that? what did it accomplish? ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

#26 Mar 12 - 9AM (Reply to #33)

moving on

I dont know

Honestly, i don't know why I have those types of thoughts. But I do know it accomplishes bringing me down in the dumps everytime and that's something I want to avoid...forever!

#27 Mar 12 - 9AM (Reply to #34)

Barbara (not verified)

moving on

go to the MY BLOG section read the THREE posts entitle "AM I UNDER HIS SPELL" that's WHY!!!

#28 Mar 12 - 10AM (Reply to #35)

moving on

Thanks Barbara!

That was helpful, thank you...I love the zap of reality from you...I will continue to deprogram...NC is my best friend :)

#29 Mar 12 - 10AM (Reply to #36)

moving on

To Help You Move on

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2653081/deliciously_single_five_ways_to_flourish.html?cat=41

#30 Mar 11 - 10PM (Reply to #28)

quietude (not verified)

keep going, sister

It's interesting because in the beginning it IS very much, "NC for 15 days and 6 hours". Days turn into months, then it's 'over six' months, then almost a year, then over a year. You know, I had to look up when my ex caught a flight to the airport and flew right out of my life...(what day was that again?? oh ya..) My point is, it matters less, gets easier over time...IF you do things right...keep NC, get as much good therapy as you can, read & educate yourself, and surround yourself with support from good sources, like this site. My thoughts are, I'm guilty of peeking at crap too...I haven't for quite some time, it kind of lost it's luster, so that's a really good thing. Someone here the other day said she viewed her ex as a cartoon character now...I thought that was BRILLIANT because it is kind of like that. This person you thought hung the moon looks more ridiculous as time goes on. The only thing about checking on them is you're still involving yourself in their every day life. This can make you kind of fantasize about how happy they must be because they 'look it', or are 'saying it'. You must keep in mind that this is only an ACT. They have to keep it up, or risk falling into their personal hell of complete empty/darkness. How terrifying that would be. You see normal goings on on the surface, but YOU know what's underneath it all. Try your best to keep deprogramming, stay on the strait and narrow of NC, and one day you may find yourself being more indifferent than anything, and forgetting the date when 'it all went south'.

#31 Mar 12 - 9AM (Reply to #29)

moving on

Quietude

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. When I looked at pictures before NC, I couldn't believe how happy he made himself look. But it's all an act and I saw right through it everytime. Not once did I see him as sincere because I already knew what he really as in the inside. I do hope to be indifferent one day. For now I am just focusing on me and it's helping me a lot. :)

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