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No contact record

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#1 Mar 30 - 2PM
miloka
miloka's picture

No contact record

I have never gone more than a week. Today is day 15. All new feelings. I feel sad, alone and defeated. It hurts like HELL> that I am alone here crying, and he is out partying and having different women to fill his void. Oh he has the one from out of town who is now me. Thinking she is the one. Can anyone tell me when this dreadful feeling goes away. The one week left me feeling great, the 15 hurts. He has contacted me 3 times. Over money he says I owe him. asking me to come over or call about the situation as it needs to be taken care of.I have let them all go to my machine. I know it would all be mean and ugly. His lashing out at me about how I was wrong to confront him in front of the other woman. Guess it is part fear that keeps me away. If I have a chance encounter I want to mirror him and say "I have been nothing but good to you, I never lied I never cheated" and walk away. What does week 3 feel like?

Mar 31 - 12PM
IncognitoBurrito
IncognitoBurrito's picture

Miloka

I like the way your name sounds, out loud. It has a pretty, smooth ring to it. Day 39 here, in exile. It feels, intermittently, like false freedom, and then like confusing bewilderment. I really expected to feel free, unchained, and light as air by now- but I don't. It isn't bad every moment of the day, when I can muster up feelings of resentment, anger, and defiance. But those times intermingle with longing for the good memories to come back, and stay that way. I keep having nightmares, it's out of control.
Mar 31 - 11AM
spinning
spinning's picture

Good work, Miloka,

it's extremely hard in the early days, but very important in the long run. You'll see. I'm here to tell you it does get better and even easier. Just keep it up and you'll see. The fog lifts, the obsessive thoughts diminish and the focus shifts. You have to be willing to do the work, too. Read all you can on the blogs, they really help. It will happen, you will feel better--good even--once there is a little more time and distance away from the MADNESS and CHAOS they create. It's time for YOU now. Hang in there. Big hugs to you. Sincerely (slowing down a bit from) spinning

spinning

Mar 30 - 5PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Sometimes the counting will

Sometimes the counting will put you in more distress. It also subconsciously implies that there will be an ending to the silence. I am not counting anymore. This is forever. Its for good.
Mar 30 - 5PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

MILOKA

You are doing great, Just keep doing what you are doing. It will get better. I promise. You cant continue to live like this. In time you will see the truth and feel better. DELETE,DELETE,DELETE. If you communicate he wins. Do you want that? NO! You need to stand strong. NC is the only way, and yes it sucks, but you are not dealing with a normal human being. NC is to protect you, not him,not her,you! Got it? HUGS Idealk
Mar 30 - 4PM
dudette
dudette's picture

Miloka

I am sorry honey. but this is progress and you must capitalize on this. It gets better I promise you Time and NC are the key to recovery. The drama would only set you off some more I went through all of that but you know, it does not matter to them, it means nothing at all. So don't waster your precious energy on him and save it for yourself... When you have been NC for a whole month you may start feeling better already and treat yourself to something nice as a reward x x x
Mar 30 - 3PM
ewa
ewa's picture

Each week is very important,

Each week is very important, it really is. I can not promise you that week 3rd will be any easier for you. It takes months, years to recover. You need to accept the fact he does not and have never loved you - once you will do this big part of the pain will be gone. You will probably feel the pain for a longer time but it will be weaker and weaker. I can promise you that with time you will be stronger. I have just came back from the city he lives in and managed not to contact at all during 4 days of my stay there. I know few months ago i would probably inform him that i am there. But for me will be more then one year now since we have broken up. I was constantly braking NC, and i do know if i did not i would probably not think about him that often as i do. You need time, a lot of time and this is normal. I hope you will not break NC and reach the poin I am at now much faster then me!