No more intrustive thoughts to date...

Well since I cannot sleep I figured I would write this post. Just when I got all nice and settled, thoughts started to come pouring in, words and phrases the N used, things that seemed uncomfortable and tense. Boundaries that were violated and the persistent undermining of our natural family flow.

Suddenly, I realize what is happening, I mentally say to self, I am going to my happy place. I can see and almost touch it then, Anger is bursting out of me, I think Ok, Buster, I am gonna give it too you.

I rant at him, get in his face, then a thought occurs to me, my my I was afraid of him that day. Shaking head to toe, I stood my ground but kept a huge space between us. He was shaking too, the thing that nags me, is that he looked like Jack Nicolson in "the shining", his eyes showed no dept, they were vacant but eerie, those eyes get to me, they were shadow less and empty like a deep dark pit. Anyways, I wonder what he was sharpening on deck when I got home, he was so transfixed on it, he didn't even notice me. I wonder if my friend had of left like he told her too, what would have he of done?

These are some of the thoughts that have been keeping me awake, darn I have to get up in the morning...in a way I feel like I saw his nothing less, the true image of himself, I think that he wanted me to go there, to being nothing like him, not feeling or caring just a thing.

I know I got triggered by something, maybe I just needed to share that this person N, is a very dangerous N. His power shows what he can do, without a care in the world. I believe if he was asked, he would say that " the Bitch deserved it, or she got in my way". Anyways, these fears are real, he was real and he is really out of my life. NO Contact, zilch. I listened to my instincts and I believe that is the reason why I am alive today.