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No one can be trusted

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#1 Oct 29 - 4PM
MissM
MissM's picture

No one can be trusted

just had to call my best friend who today found out her husband has been texting/sleeping with another woman. Only my friend can't go balistic as, it appears, she has been playing dangerous txt games with a guy at work and is, tonite, using him as a shoulder to cry on. She has 2 young kids and they're nowhere on her radar.

I got pretty pissed off with her. She knows all about exCop and what I'm going thru over it. And this guy she's txting is JUST like him. Hot then cold. Push and pull. He has a longterm gf that he speaks disrespectfully of. Yet my friend thinks he's 'different' with her, it 'means' something. So i get the impression she thinks I wasn't 'enough' for exCop, that it was just 'being me' that caused him to cut me from his life.

Now I feel like a useless idiot who just overreacted to excop's other woman and scared him off with how seriously I took it.

Want to cry but don't know what for. Ten mins ago I hid my number and rang exCop but only let it ring once. Why???

Tired of trusting people, even my friends.

Oct 29 - 9PM
tasha
tasha's picture

MissM

I had a friend that didn't like my XNB, but I didn't know weither she did'nt like him because he took my spare time and that I was'nt paying attention to our frienship OR she could see the 'red flags' that I was obviously ignoring. Now I think both. We fell out, because here she was telling me that XNB was bad for and when I would crawl back to him she'd hate me and there she was, still in contact and being controlled an manipulated by her NH of 30years, who was a raging drunk and had beaten her to a pulp even when she was pregnant-telling ME what's good or bad for me!!!Now I think that's hypocracy! So when I broke up with XNB(some who have read my earlier posts will know that he raped me) silly me I went to that friend for sympathy and understanding, given that her NH had done the same thing to her. Well she said things like 'I told you so' and who would of thought' and took great pleasure in kicking me when I was 'down' in the most sarcastic way. Our friendship has never recovered, I knew she was right BUT at a time when I was needing a genuine friend and was at my lowest of low-She decided kick me more. I'm still bitter about that and we talk but I distance myself from the friendship. I don't trust that friend anymore with my feelings. And don't disclose anything about my personal life to her either.
Oct 29 - 5PM
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I can relate. My friends

I can relate. My friends let me down big time this week...and it just makes the hurt from XN even worse. I got to thinking...XN wasnt as bad as the so called friends. Sometimes, I think we really need some alone time before we can be exposed to others again. It is like our outer shell is missing a few layers. Sadly, your friend will have to learn the hard way. I went out with a cop in the past...I know how most of them are...my xbf would tell me of the stories of those at his station having flings and cheating. We broke up and he had a new gf soon after. My XN..not the cop...cut me out of his life too..it is tough. “It's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.”
Oct 29 - 4PM
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

missm

Just because this "friend" totally downplays the fact that her man is a lying cheat, doesn't mean that's the gold standard on how people should behave. She's obvioulsy part of this dangerous game, as she is possibly cheating on him as well?? It's actually disgusting that her standards are that low where she's telling you that your break-up was YOUR fault?? She's totally out of touch with reality obviously, to the point where she thinks this is okay behavior, I guess. You let this foolish friend make you feel like an idiot?? I'm sorry, but she's got issues, NOT you. You "want to cry but don't know what for". That's because deep down, you know this is all BS. Time for some new friends!
Oct 29 - 4PM
4joys (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Unfortunately, we never see

Unfortunately, we never see or hear from women of abuse until the end. I wish this werent so. You wont be able to convince your friend. And shes not a good friend if she tells you things like this. Reconsider the friendship. Stay away from drama people. Stick with positive, good people and you will heal quicker.
Oct 29 - 5PM (Reply to #2)
MissM
MissM's picture

4joys and quietude

thank you both for your words. I was so disappointed and sickened by what she was telling me. HOW could an affair with a lying, bullshitting cheat be an option she thinks it's ok to tell me about?? She didn't explicitly say my break up was my fault. But I was reminding her how my ex was just like this guy, and she made it sound like, in her case, his behaviour is ok because she 'means' something to him. And i.e I meant zilch to mine so what was I expecting. Maybe i'm overreacting. Like that cracked vase. But you are both right, I need a friend overhaul. I posted a while ago about another 'friend' who knew what i'd gone thru with exCop then started an affair with a married policeman! And didn't once ask how I was doing but wanted to give me all the details of how he thought she was 'so special'. And I swear she wanted to 'get one over on me'. Thanks again for your support. It means a lot to me x
Oct 29 - 5PM (Reply to #3)
tina
tina's picture

MissM

Ditto to what everyone is telling you...its time to take a look at your 'friends' and begin to surround yourself with positive & supportive people. AND.......here we go again with not thinking about the children, where are they?????????
Oct 29 - 5PM (Reply to #4)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

MissM

I would say have your friend read my story about the horrible effect of emotional affairs... but I doubt she'd care. She's probably in the thrall of some predator right now. You're going to have to stay away for a while. After what Psycho-Boy (who I'd known over 27 years) did to me... I will never trust anyone fully again - not even myself. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help
Oct 29 - 6PM (Reply to #5)
MissM
MissM's picture

she is in his thrall. I've

she is in his thrall. I've described to her every single emotion she's feeling with this guy because, like all of us here, I have experienced it. And she agreed with me on every single count and admits it's wrong but it's 'like a drug' (her words) and can't stop. Even when I told her to think of the kids - how these gorgeous confident happy kids will have their world crushed for nothing. It just didn't register beyond 'i know, i know'. I won't trust again either Barbara, even my friends. Not that I distrust them - I'd just rather not have any expectations of trust. Some may be offended, others relieved. Could kick myself for letting this affect me to the point of ringing exCop. No idea what I thought would gain me.
Oct 30 - 5PM (Reply to #6)
Shelley (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Hi Miss M!! I agree with

Hi Miss M!! I agree with you and Barbara about not fully trusting anyone. Some may say that's cynical, but I say it's very wise. Here are a couple quotes by President George Washington about friendship and trust. "Be courteous to all, but intimate with few. And let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence." "True friendship is a plant of slow growth and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation." Appellation means the name or designation or title. To honor someone with the title of FRIEND, it must be earned. What these quotes say to me are that it's best to go slow and truly get to know someone and even then, true friendship and trust take a lot of time and tribulation.